Episode Transcript
0:00
Welcome to the fully expressed podcast with Karenna.
0:02
I am your podcast host, Karenna Soto.
0:04
And this is a show where we have conversations that truly invite you into living your life, fully expressed and bring all of you into your life, relationships and business.
0:13
I'm so excited to kick off the month of July because they're going to be talking about all these relationships, including friendships, business, relationships and romantic relationships.
0:23
Because I, I really believe that if we could show up and all of them the same, we feel much better.
0:29
But today's gonna be really, really sweet because I have two of the most amazing sisters and women that are changing the game when it comes to sisterhood.
0:38
We don't talk about sisterhood enough and I want to change that because there's so much that comes into, especially when you come there.
0:45
Just like all this.
0:46
I've talked about this on the podcast before, but there's so many friendship wounds that we experience in our lives.
0:53
And I think often we only focus on like our romantic room wounds or our significant others or like what happened when we are dating someone and all of that is relevant, but this is also relevant as well and just as important.
1:05
And so I'm so excited.
1:07
I'm going to let them introduce themselves.
1:08
So we're going to kick off this month talking all about friendship and sisterhood and to pass over the mic, I'm going to pass it over to Evan and Paige that are here with me to chat all about this, which is their favorite topic.
1:25
Yeah, it really is.
1:27
I'm already anticipating how many giggles.
1:29
I'm like, I'm just over here trying not to be too loud in my giggles.
1:32
Do we need a giggle counter?
1:34
It's the bottom of the screen.
1:35
Like one.
1:37
Yeah.
1:39
Yeah.
1:39
We're so excited to be here.
1:41
I'm Evin.
1:42
I'll start and Yeah.
1:43
No.
1:45
So I've been in the dating and relationship coaching space for many years and the while so much of what I historically have taught about and led women in is around calling in and creating aligned partnership.
2:00
Almost like 90% of my work in my, in my practice involves bringing together communities of women to take on that transformational growth, work together and expand together.
2:12
And that is the piece I've really gotten over the years that like the content, the coaching all great.
2:19
The sisterhood, the community element is where the juice is.
2:24
It's like the game changer for us to not feel alone in whatever, you know, whatever we're journeying through and personally in my life too.
2:33
It's just, it's everything.
2:34
Sisterhood, deep relationships and community with other women.
2:38
It is like the thing that allows me to, to expand, to know myself better, to thrive to, to do business life.
2:46
Like you're saying, like everything intertwined and, and to have, yeah, to have other women like sharing the path and backing each other is just, it's everything.
2:56
Yeah, so good, so beautiful.
3:00
I can just echo everything you just said about the, the value of sisterhood and what it's how it's like, absolutely changed my life.
3:08
And so I'll give you a little background on myself.
3:11
I'm Paige and I, I started my personal development journey probably, I think it was like 2016 and I was never like, set out to be a coach.
3:23
I'm I love performing and I always, I always like, have loved being on stage and acting and something that I had always put my attention on.
3:32
And the reason that I started my personal growth journey was for romantic relationships.
3:36
I was like, so zeroed in on finding my person on finding my man.
3:40
I was like, this is my path.
3:42
You know, like men were just like the center of my focus.
3:47
Women never were like, even, even when I was in college, I really resisted being in sororities.
3:54
I did not let myself, I think I went to one rush event and I was like, this is not for me, like I'm OK just being like a guy's girl, you know, like being like that cool guy's girl.
4:05
So all of my focus had been on men.
4:08
And until, until a little bit later in my journey, when I found the feminine path and on that path, it is all about sisterhood.
4:17
It's all about coming into connection with your body and receiving really powerful reflections from women and getting to see yourself in the eyes of other women.
4:28
And there was something so extremely healing about that.
4:33
And Evan and I refer to sisterhood as medicine and it really felt like that.
4:38
Like once I was able to heal some of these sisterhood wounds, which is still such such a big part of my journey of healing.
4:46
Like where, where I have felt betrayed, where I felt hurt, where I haven't been able to trust women.
4:51
I I've like been able to, to like just see myself and, and receive so much more love from women on my journey.
5:01
And yeah, that's just been, that's a big piece of my journey.
5:05
I wrote, I wrote a one woman show a few years ago when I was in a, in a celibacy period, a one year celibacy period where I was, I had taken men out of the equation.
5:17
I had fully taken that whole like everything that my attention was on, right?
5:22
Like that beacon out of my out of my attention.
5:26
And, and during that time, sister had became a huge piece of and sisterhood is a character in my one woman show a really, really important character who comes in at the end and is like, I am your, you know, she's sisterhood is for me, like human connection to the divine.
5:44
It's like you get to connect to the divine through other women.
5:48
Yeah, waiting to feel that back a little bit.
5:50
I know there's so much here.
5:52
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head.
5:55
I think so many of us do focus a lot of our healing on romantic relationships because we ultimately want to feel loved right there, like deep desire and that's just human, connect human biology, human psychology.
6:06
Like we all want to be loved deeply and seen and heard and we're all craving that belonging.
6:11
But when it comes to romantic relationships and crave that and we don't realize that we can also find that deep love and divine through other women.
6:20
And I think I've experienced that little by little in like middle school and high school.
6:25
They're kind of like your friends because they've been there.
6:27
But when you create this, like, cultivating this like deep love and safety with another woman that can see you and hold you and celebrate you and also in all the same ways without being intimate, for example, like it's just as pure and I think it's literally that it's like pure, pure, pure love.
6:45
Yeah.
6:46
Yeah.
6:46
And it's intimate in so many ways, right?
6:49
Even if it's not your like physically and there really can be such deep nourishing intimacy with other women.
6:57
And to your point, crea, like the growing up, a lot of the friendships are in some ways, friendships of convenience and proximity.
7:06
Right.
7:06
It's like we're at the same school, we're in the same grade, we do the same activities, we're family friends, we grew up together and that's really special too that this is no, like, knock on, on those kind of relationships.
7:17
But yeah, the thing, the thing I'm so present to here is like the bringing as much intentionality to what type of relationships with women we want to cultivate as we do to what type of romantic partner I want to cultivate, right?
7:31
Like we all so many of us have when we're seeking our romantic partner, we have a vision.
7:38
We if we're, if we're manifesto, right?
7:41
We probably have like a live what's important and the core values and how we want to be treated and what life would look like together.
7:48
And then when it comes to friendships, most of us, right?
7:52
Don't even know that we get to have that level of, of intention and that it gets to really come from our desire and what would be so fulfilling to us or to just like, oh, this is how my group is and you know, or we like assume that everyone else, especially when you're beyond like college twenties, we might assume that everyone kind of has their settled groups and has found their people.
8:17
And so, right, it can feel so we can feel really vulnerable to even express that we have a desire to call in new aligned sisterhood or create deeper relationships with other women.
8:29
Yes, I hear that.
8:31
I remember when I was looking for friendships and there's so much, but Rochelle reached out to me, she literally slid into my D MS like you would with like dating someone.
8:40
I love that.
8:41
And we saw this story all the time because she basically, we're at a breath work event and she saw me there and she was like, I want to be friends with her.
8:47
And so she slid into my D M.
8:48
She's like, hey, do you want, I have a dog, you want to know you have a dog?
8:51
I have a dog.
8:51
Let's go for a walk.
8:53
And I was just so proud of her and like, so also just so appreciative for her sliding in my D MS.
8:59
But usually we use that contact with like men and women sliding into each other's D MS.
9:03
But it's the same way as being that intentional of like, you align my core values.
9:08
I would love to go on a coffee date with you and see if this is a relationship or friendship that I want to nourish and just like we knew when we were dating and like, do you want to spend some time together and see if this is a good match.
9:17
But like, that's the kind of intentionality and like action to like your point that I feel like we have to step into when we are creating.
9:25
Maybe it's adult friendships or this like deep sisterhood that we're really talking about is there and that I love that Rochelle did that.
9:34
Like, that's so courageous.
9:37
Yes.
9:37
You know, and kind of radical at the time, I was like, I probably would not have done at that time.
9:43
It was amazing to get that back.
9:45
But it's courageous.
9:46
It's brave.
9:47
It's like saying, hey, I see you like, I want to be friends with you.
9:50
Do you want to get to each other and like, see if this works, you know, like that's very vulnerable.
9:55
Totally.
9:56
Absolutely.
9:57
And I bet so many women stop themselves.
9:59
Like so many women want to do or want to be that bold but whatever, you know, whatever their story is or their belief is about sisterhood relationships or about whether they feel worthy of it, right?
10:12
Like that can get in the way of us really taking that, that bold action.
10:17
Yeah.
10:18
For me when, when I moved, so I moved you to know this.
10:22
But for the listeners, I moved from L A down to San Diego a little over two years ago because my partner now husband lived down here.
10:30
So I left the, the deep community of women, including including me.
10:35
I was devastated.
10:37
It was a really hard hard transition for all of us.
10:40
Don't worry, we're now we're united, the community I cultivated in, in L A and came here without really sisterhood, you know, waiting for me.
10:50
So for me, when I moved down to San Diego a little over two years ago, and I left my entire community of women in L A that I had really, like, nurtured and built these deep relationships over the years.
11:03
And it was so scary to be starting again in a new city with my partner as my primary connection and like, really not, not knowing anyone else.
11:13
And I knew that creating sisterhood had to be a priority that like, no matter how strong and fulfilling my my romantic relationship is and, you know, my self care and enjoying my own company like that, there would always be this missing nutrient, right?
11:31
Without sisterhood and the way, oh, I know I got started on this, your, your point about yeah, like what stops us from putting ourselves out there with other women?
11:40
I remember at first going to women's events like putting myself in places, right?
11:44
Being so proud that I'd like get out there and go to places where I can meet other women.
11:48
And then the the pattern that I noticed at some point of how I blocked myself from like fully opening to receive relationships with new women was judgment.
11:59
And it went, it would go one of two ways either I would I would make some judgment call about the women I was meeting and why they wouldn't be the right sisters for me.
12:10
And it wasn't necessarily anything super negative.
12:11
Right.
12:12
But it would be like, oh, they're younger than me and I'm young, you know, I'd be like, oh, they're younger than me were probably at different points or like, oh, whatever it was.
12:25
Right.
12:25
Whatever it was.
12:25
And it was, like, subtle in the back of my mind.
12:28
Right?
12:28
But it would have me be like, oh, you know, we'd probably be friends but like maybe those won't be like deep relationships or the flip side of that was that I would put them on a pedestal and be like, they essentially I'm not worthy of their friendship.
12:42
Why would they want to be friends with me?
12:44
Right.
12:44
And yeah, like making myself less than and in either direction, right?
12:50
I, I lose like, in either direction the end of the day.
12:54
It's just me blocking intimacy and vulnerability.
12:57
And thankfully I had that realization at some point around when I, like, fully chose San Diego as my home.
13:05
That was the other big part of it is I, there was part of me that was like, maybe I'll end up going back to L A.
13:10
And so subconsciously, I wasn't fully opening my heart to relationships here.
13:15
And when I once I fully claimed like, no, for this chapter, at least this is where I'm gonna be.
13:21
And like, I know the difference in my life that deep sisterhood makes and I noticed that that pattern I was able to slow down in those moments and you know, like Brave Rochelle be like, I'm, I'm going to follow that.
13:36
We're using her.
13:39
She love it.
13:40
Yeah, I'm going to ask for the walking date, you know, a coffee date or just express like send the text after again.
13:47
Like you went on a date and be like, cheers.
13:49
It felt so good and I really enjoy you.
13:51
But I'm like that part.
13:54
Let's talk about that part real quick.
13:55
That's so important because I think you will go on a date with someone and you'll be like, oh that was OK.
14:00
But like, I think it's even more important to reiterate the feedback of this felt really good and I would love to do this again.
14:09
That's also vulnerable and scary and bold and brave.
14:12
You know what I mean?
14:12
Like that part to expressing like I had a good time.
14:15
What if they didn't have a good time?
14:17
But I really had a good time and then you can get into this entire spiral of like, what are they thinking about it?
14:23
What if I put myself out there and they don't really want to be met in that da da, da, da da da and that blocks us completely.
14:29
So let's talk about that a little bit more like, why is that so important to provide that feedback to the woman that you are trying to be in a relationship with.
14:38
Yeah.
14:39
I mean, I think we just in so much of life in, like every relationship in life it's really easy to assume that everyone's a mind reader and that we're all just on the same or we're projecting our thoughts onto that.
14:51
Right.
14:52
If again, if I leave a day and a date, a friend, date connection and I'm feeling a little insecure, I'm going to project that onto them and be like, oh, they probably aren't interested in seeing me again or I'm going to interpret the fact that they didn't say let's do this again when we left that it means they don't want like all of that just has us living like in our heads and in our stories and, and ultimately, and disconnection rather than like really showing up and expressing and connecting from our hearts, which is the feminine, right?
15:22
Like the feminine needs and wants to be felt.
15:25
And when we're, when we're willing to be brave because it is really fucking brave to do that, it is so vulnerable.
15:32
You know, the person receiving that, that the thought is like they get to feel you, there gets to be like an energetic, you know, heartfelt connection and for all you know, because I know I've been on the receiving end of this, receiving that message, receiving that expression is what like gets us.
15:49
It's like they might be in their head too.
15:51
They might be in their insecurity, they not know you want connection.
15:54
All right.
15:55
Now, we're in an honest right now.
15:58
There's honesty and I think that's also the foundation.
16:01
It's like, that's where we want to start relationships from any kind of relationship.
16:05
Yeah.
16:06
And I think there's something really important too to, like, once you, like how vulnerable it is to go on a friend date.
16:14
Right.
16:15
And so there's, there's something about like having that kind of aftercare, right?
16:21
Like when you have a really intimate sexual experience, we talk about aftercare, what do you need after?
16:27
What does your heart need?
16:28
What do you want to receive?
16:29
How do you want to come down?
16:31
You explain what aftercare is ok.
16:33
All right, the listeners because I know what that is, but I hope everyone knows about it.
16:38
Well, I don't know, like the technical definition of aftercare.
16:42
I, I'm not a sexuality coach but in my experience, it is like after you have gone into this expansive, maybe tender, maybe confronting, maybe vulnerable experience and space, you come down from it.
16:59
And so the come down experience, right?
17:01
So let's say that that's a peak experience that you just had is this sister date the come down from it can like all of your, you know, all of your thoughts and your stories and your fears can creep in or you can feel like unseen in it or, or just alone like, oh my God.
17:19
Like what, you know, like second guessing and for me especially I'm like, oh my God.
17:24
I was so weird.
17:25
Like I was so weird.
17:26
They're going to think I'm so weird.
17:27
Like, they're never going to want to talk to me again.
17:29
So it's just like those thoughts, right?
17:31
That come, that creep in.
17:33
And so aftercare is the, is like, what you need in order to have a really, a gentle come down from that experience and that can be physical touch.
17:45
You know, a lot of times we talk about it with intimacy and it could be like, you know, your partner like grounding you and putting their hands on you.
17:52
It could be something like words of affirmation.
17:55
So I think that's like a really good example of after you have this really, you know, expansive sisterhood date that maybe felt good for both of you is like, what is the, what's the aftercare experience?
18:09
What is, what do you need?
18:11
You know, maybe like you saying, hey, I really enjoyed that was some aftercare for you, like a little bit of digestion for you and then you really needed to hear it and like loved receiving it.
18:21
So that could be, I just think that's like a really big piece of it too.
18:25
I feel like that could even just be for yourself.
18:28
So maybe like it's a little edgy to be like inviting this new friend into after care with you, but it's like you making sure that this is an expansive moment and you are going through all this vulnerability.
18:37
Like, what can you do after your day to take care of your soul for putting yourself out there and like loving yourself on that?
18:45
Is it going home and taking a bath?
18:46
Is it going on a walk on the beach walk?
18:48
Is it to talking to a friend about it?
18:50
Whatever that looks like you need to be supported on?
18:52
So I think that's really, really cool related at all and so important because now we're talking to like you also putting yourself out there and then holding the part of you that put themselves out there and celebrating yourself, right?
19:05
That's like a romantic date.
19:07
It's OK that not every single connection is, might evolve into something, right?
19:12
Like me putting myself out there when I first moved here, there are totally women that I connected with that were, you know, we didn't fully align and nothing came of it.
19:20
And that's fine.
19:21
And there are others that have led to deep sisterhood relationships.
19:24
I'm so grateful for.
19:25
And I think it's so important that we really celebrate and acknowledge ourselves every time we put ourselves out there, every time we're willing to be vulnerable, every time we are willing to open our hearts to give ourselves that positive reinforcement.
19:39
You know, and I think more of this, please, that's to detach the outcome that it's not like, oh, if that didn't turn into a lifelong relationship, then it was a failure.
19:48
No.
19:49
Right.
19:49
Like the, the win is in how you showed up and building that muscle.
19:55
So that when you do connect with people who align and you absolutely will if you're willing to show up for this because like you were saying, Corona, it's a, it's a, it's a deep core human need.
20:07
Yeah.
20:07
That connection is literally something that we all need.
20:11
A lot of nice to have.
20:14
Absolutely essential.
20:17
It's like water.
20:19
Yeah, totally.
20:20
So the importance, let's talk about the importance of having multiple dates after you meet up with your friend because I think that's also something that we can like dating anyone, right?
20:30
Like, sometimes we have like a full body know, like this wasn't a line but like, maybe you're like in this, like, maybe of like testing out what this, this new friendship look like.
20:38
And do you know what I'm talking about?
20:41
Yes.
20:41
And I'll just go back real quick to my experience of moving here.
20:45
Right.
20:45
And it's like, I also noticed that I would compare first friend dates with, like, my friendships of many years.
20:53
Right.
20:54
So much, like, get up.
20:57
Exactly.
20:59
I'd come home and I'd tell my husband I'd be like, oh, I don't know.
21:01
It was good.
21:02
We shared a lot of interest, like I'd say all these positive things.
21:04
Right?
21:05
And then I'd be like, but there were a couple like awkward silences or, but I don't know yet if, if, you know, she and I will like, align in this specific way or meet me in this way and he'd be like, that sounds like a first date.
21:17
Yeah, that's great.
21:20
You know, you'll see her again.
21:21
Right.
21:22
And it would just be so easy to write off.
21:24
Like, no, I should feel 100% comfortable and cozy and right.
21:29
But it takes, it can take a little time to establish that level of connection and rapport and for us to both get out of our heads and you know, be our full selves and discover the ways that we, that we really do connect.
21:42
So, yeah, and, and I think it's so important here to like, look at this experience as a practice, you know, to your point of detaching from the outcome, right?
21:52
It's like, it's like you're not going to maybe, I mean, it could, but you're not going to get it perfect the first time, right?
21:59
Like as you are starting to build friendships and really as an adult, right?
22:04
Being so intentional with what you're creating in terms of sisterhood, in terms of friendship is, it's really important to let yourself be a little bit messy.
22:15
Let it be a little wonky, let those, those awkward silences be there, right?
22:21
And, and let it be like the first one isn't the perfect first date so that you can give yourself a little grace here.
22:29
It's, it's a new skill set that most of us don't really, we're not born with, but I mean, we might be born with actually.
22:37
And then we condition it out of us.
22:38
But, but yeah, so we're born with it and it's conditioned out of us.
22:42
So we like know it innately but it takes, you know, it just takes some practice to get to remind ourselves what it, what that is.
22:50
Speaking of conditioning, tell us, what are you?
22:52
What?
22:53
Well, I had me think of it was so well said it had me think of how, how easy it can be for those of us who identify as people, pleasers or recovering people, pleasers.
23:03
This is a good one should go into certain people pleasing even on friend dates, right?
23:08
Where we're like, and, and also if we identify as being like, we've talked about this page, we both had like a chameleon, like we can go into a kind of chameleon way of being, right?
23:18
We're very adaptable, right?
23:20
Would be to our, to our demise.
23:23
Yeah.
23:24
So I remember like earlier, you know, before I, well, it still shows up sometimes but I at least have a lot more awareness around it.
23:30
Now being on being with a new friend or even especially a group of women and so badly wanting to fit in or belong or have them like me that, you know, if they're like more like high energy party vibe or they're like, drinking more or something that, like, doesn't, isn't my authentic way of being anymore?
23:52
I could so easily morph into that to feel, to, like, have a momentary experience of connection.
23:59
And I put my connection in quotes because it's like, not real authentic connection but it, right.
24:06
It's like on the outside it looks connected, it looks cohesive and then I would leave those experiences feeling like,, like in the same way that, that I used to do that on first date where I'd leave and the guy would be like, that was amazing.
24:18
And I'd be like, really, I was dying inside, you know, but I wouldn't let him know it.
24:22
So like trying to be who I be like, I could show up in this way that you need me right now.
24:28
What I need from me.
24:29
Yeah.
24:29
It's a little bit of self abandonment, but for sure.
24:33
And like, I think it's important for anyone who has those tendencies.
24:38
And I think so many of us women have that conditioning of being, being liked, being polite, having other people feel comfortable in our presence, like wanting to relate, even if we don't fully relate, wanting to agree, being agreeable for sure.
24:54
It's important to notice that in ourselves.
24:57
So that so that we're not then like, trying to create relationships based on that conditioning, but we're actually willing to, yeah, to like, bring that full authenticity where again it's ok if we discover that we don't align.
25:14
It's ok if we discover that like, oh, this isn't the flavor of friendship that I'm looking for right now.
25:19
And that can feel really freeing and we can again celebrate and feel so proud of ourselves after one of those experiences because it, it really takes us stepping more and more into being seen in who we really are, right?
25:33
What this whole podcast is about your fullest express self.
25:38
So to then to then magnetize the women and humans and experiences and all that, that deeply align with us.
25:47
Wow, so much what I was going to say, like bouncy out.
25:51
I mean, there's so much, yeah, like you need a part two, part three, like different reasons.
25:57
But like what I was going to say, like bouncing off to that, which I think for anyone that's in the season of creating sisterhood, you know, something that I struggled with was like, I'm really good at making relationships.
26:07
Like I'm really good at networking.
26:09
I'm really good at like, you know, connecting with people and I think we can get caught up in that too is like, once you get in the spiral of like connecting with all these people, it could be like, oh, I'm going to reach out to everyone and I'm going to become friends with everyone and then how do I hold all of them?
26:22
Which is something that I've struggled with, which is more of the other side of like, OK, now I have all these really beautiful connections.
26:30
I want to be able to give them all my all, but I don't have my all to give.
26:35
And so I want to talk a little bit about that because, you know, just like we talk about like quality, you know, not just quality of our quantity, quantity, but like, how do we make sure that we're putting the effort because like in any relationship, it takes time to build that level of safety because the more safety that you get, the more like fully expressed or authentic, you become the deeper relationship that you have.
26:56
But what does it look like to actually balance your time when you're in this season?
27:02
Creating a lot of relationships?
27:04
But you also have your romantic partner, maybe you have your business or you have to take care of your fucking self.
27:10
Like I, you know, but I think a part of that for me, I will say is part of my people losing tendencies because I'm like, oh, like you're giving so much into me, like, how do I give more into you?
27:19
Like, how do I meet you in that?
27:21
I think there's a beautiful thing to double down on this because I think in that dance is where you find the people that stay with you.
27:29
But I want to first talk about what is the balance of basically, you know, putting all your putting yourself out there and going hard.
27:39
And like I did that, you know, I was like, I'm going to meet everyone because I want friends and I also am very intentional.
27:46
I know I can go there.
27:47
But what does that look like in balance and like meeting these friends?
27:49
Because they do take time and they take nurturing like any other relationship.
27:54
And you also aren't, there isn't 100 of us right?
27:58
There are only one person with only one set of capacity and amount of time.
28:02
So what does that look like?
28:04
Well, I think something that Evan and I talk about a lot is this idea of sisterhood as self care so that it's not like this extra thing that you're doing, right?
28:16
It's not like doing more.
28:18
But if you, if you can frame it in a way that me building these rich nourishing connections is actually me feeding myself and taking care of myself so that my relationship can thrive so that my career can thrive so that I can work on, you know, my fears about money, right?
28:37
Whatever it is, sisterhood is like the foundational piece.
28:42
And so I really encourage people to put that first and see that as it's going to help you fill up the other bucket and you know, I heard you, I heard you say like wanting to give to everybody, right?
28:59
And so my my invitation would be how can you let that feed you back?
29:08
Like how can you let your sisterhood feed you and nourish you and like, what, what do you need?
29:15
Right?
29:15
Like that's the thing, the beautiful thing about sisterhood is like, like I feel like this, it's so meta but I feel like sisterhood could be the answer to that question, right?
29:25
But you're answering the questions I wanted to answer.
29:27
So now you're talking about receiving in sisterhood.
29:29
Yeah.
29:30
Which is, yeah, let's talk about that because not a lot of women know to see because, and I know that because like every coaching container, every practice I've ever done for the most part, like, there's a lot of women, they're like, I know how to hold you, right?
29:44
But I don't know how to be held by you.
29:46
Yeah.
29:47
Yeah.
29:48
Well, even a, a like practical example that comes to my mind with both of both of what you were just speaking to is early, early in one of my, now, you know, real sister relationships here that I've, that I've built over the last year or so.
30:02
I was, I had reached out to two different women about getting together and I also thought they'd really connect.
30:08
So I was like, oh, this is perfect, right?
30:10
I love to create small groups or things where it's like, ok, I can nurture, it doesn't all have to be one on one time.
30:16
I can like nurture some of these relationships together and then what a gift, right?
30:20
That other women get to connect to each other.
30:22
And so I reached out to these two women about going out to dinner and as the dinner date got closer, one of the, one of the women shared on our thread, she was like, I would really love to see you all this week.
30:35
And I'm noticing, I don't feel like I have the capacity to the energy to like get dressed and go to a restaurant and be in a public space and do that whole thing.
30:45
And so how would anyone feel about a night in?
30:48
And I, I mean, how do you mean I love a night in and then if, I don't know, she is the definition of cozy, we're recording this right now.
30:59
Coretta and Paige look so cute, cute little jean skirt.
31:02
I am in giant sweatpants.
31:05
Wait, wait, my house.
31:06
I'd be in the same.
31:07
Ok.
31:08
Yeah.
31:08
Yeah.
31:08
Yeah, I wear, I wear loungewear all the time.
31:11
Oh, my God.
31:11
Evan's like, how do I feel about a night in?
31:13
How do I go?
31:14
Where do I sign up?
31:15
Well, and it was so the thing that again, we kind of keep coming back to vulnerability was this was like the second time we'd gotten together.
31:22
So a lot of times we think we have to wait until we're at a certain depth of relationship or like we've gone on, you know, a good handful of dates out before we'd be comfortable being like, you just want to come be on my couch.
31:35
And since then we've never gone out together.
31:38
I think one time we went and got like coffee.
31:40
But we do now there's a couple of us that do we call them couch days, like once a month, we do a whole couch day where it's just all the snacks and we talked for like four hours and then watch reality TV for a couple hours.
31:50
And so we willing to ask for what you need, being willing to express like, hey, I do really want to connect with you and let me be honest about my capacity right now or that this particular plan is feeling heavy to me where I'm at.
32:06
Totally.
32:07
Right.
32:07
Someone invites you to a party and you're like, I'd really love to connect with you and the idea of being at a big social gathering tonight that doesn't feel like something I have the energy for.
32:17
Right?
32:18
Would you be willing to take a walk one morning this week?
32:21
And maybe it's like you, you already want to take a walk for your self care or you already need to walk your dog.
32:26
So you're inviting someone into that, right?
32:29
So being willing to, yeah, like share what really works for you.
32:34
And I swear nine times out of 10, the other person's like, oh thank God, you know, they can feel it too.
32:43
They probably are feeling what you're feeling, right?
32:45
And so you can feel the off energy and like if somebody names it, it just kind of is an exhale for the whole group that at the end, I think it also gives the other person the opportunity to love you.
32:57
Even if that wasn't their plan.
32:59
It's like, oh, I get to love you in this moment.
33:00
I haven't asked you to do this for you.
33:03
Like, let's do it, let's go for it.
33:04
Right.
33:05
Because we're not always going to be on the same wavelength.
33:08
But we also get to be like, you know, I love you in this way.
33:10
Let's do that.
33:11
And like that's a conscious choice.
33:13
Yeah.
33:13
And I think we forget to give people the opportunity to even show up in that way.
33:18
And we are talking to like at least put the opportunity on the table because if you do, then you'll receive something and it's exactly what you need nine times of the time.
33:28
And let's say hypothetically the other thing happens.
33:30
That's OK too.
33:32
At least you're still honoring yourself and at least you're still bringing your most authentic self to the relationship because you're not suppressing and dishonoring the parts of you that are really present for you.
33:43
Yeah.
33:44
And then that's where receiving to bring it back, right?
33:47
That's where receiving comes in because sometimes we think receiving is just the, just the act, right?
33:53
Like OK, so they came to your house, right?
33:56
That's receiving, right?
33:57
They said yes to put the self care you needed and showed up or oh, there have been times where I've been like, oh, Paige, I'm so drained and she's like, I'll cook us dinner tonight and you just, and I'm like, what can I bring?
34:07
She's like nothing.
34:07
You just show up, right?
34:09
So one could say, OK, that's receiving, she cooked for me.
34:12
But energetically we sometimes still block receiving meaning if Paige cooks for me and the whole time, I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm such a bad friend for not contributing to this or I promise I'll cook for you next time, right?
34:27
I'm like eating the food she made me, but I'm not actually receiving, I'm not fully opening my heart to the care and the love and like feeling the gratitude for like, wow, you know, and, and getting filled back up in that way, how many women here are listening to this have been like, gosh, I can help you with the dishes or like, I can be ready for you.
34:47
What can I do for you?
34:48
Versus just sitting on the couch and just receiving or talking to them while they're cooking?
34:52
Like how many women feel so uncomfortable and like, I'm not doing anything or I'm not doing anything to give back, you know, like a new friend in here out on a coffee date and she's like, I've got this my treat and we get into a whole back and forth of like, no, I'll get it for you.
35:07
Sure.
35:07
Ok, I'll get it.
35:08
I'll get it rather than be you for half and think about it when you're the one kid.
35:15
Does that feel good to get into a whole wrestling match or does it feel so good to have someone be like?
35:21
Oh, that's so generous.
35:22
Thank you.
35:23
That just made my day.
35:25
We both get filled up the giver and the receiver when that channel is opened.
35:31
And also, and when you come from a place of love, like when you, instead of coming from a place of giving to receive your love, it's like I'm giving from a place that I genuinely want to love you in this moment.
35:42
Like I want to give to you, I want to hold you.
35:44
I want to see you and I just want to love you.
35:46
Like whether you love me back or not, I want to love you in this time.
35:50
And like this is all related to romantic relationships you guys.
35:53
But this is the kind of love that's available in sisterhood that we're missing out on, which is the point of this episode.
35:59
Yeah.
35:59
And it enhances all your other relationships like the practice of receiving.
36:05
Imagine if you know, if you're able to be in that level of receptivity in your relationship, oh my gosh.
36:15
Like if you could really just like let your man or whoever you're in relationship with, with like just cook a meal for you and you sit back and receive it without feeling like you have to do the dishes after it is next level, next level.
36:29
Like relationship.
36:31
It really is.
36:31
And I say it so passionately because it literally has, I have the relationship I have today because of the women in my life.
36:39
I would not, I don't think I would have met this man if it weren't for the women in my life.
36:45
Like everything that I have in my relationship is thanks to my sisters and it really is, it is like it's everything, everything.
36:56
Yeah.
36:57
Yeah, I mean in letting ourselves receive, we build, we build worthiness within ourselves, right?
37:03
Because part of the message we're sending ourselves when we receive like when we really open heartedly receive is oh, I am worth being cared for in this way right over.
37:11
I am worth someone adjusting their plans for me or booking me that meal or sometimes receiving looks like receiving like taking up space, right?
37:22
Like I have something I really want to share or that I'm working through and being willing to take up that space at a girls night or with another woman and let her really hold you and see you, right?
37:32
That's, that's another way of receiving and yeah, as we do that, not only does it deepen the relationship with those women and give them permission to do the same by the way.
37:42
But you know, to Paige's point, it then allows us into a deeper experience of self love, of self worth, of just practice, right?
37:54
Being in that receptive feminine energy that absolutely serves us in every other relationship and you spot in our life.
38:02
So good.
38:03
So good.
38:05
So for the women that are listening, one, I'm so curious from a sisterhood standpoint, we've talked a lot about how to kind of like, recognize how you're kind of blocking yourself from receiving sisterhood.
38:18
I would love to know like, what are some of the most common?
38:23
I don't want to call them like insecurities.
38:25
But like when you're in, in the room with other women that can come up for you that you're not even aware of like, yeah.
38:33
Yeah, I mean, a big one is, I think it's a foreign process to become aware of it.
38:37
I think that's once become aware like, oh I'm doing that or like that's coming up for me right here.
38:41
So like we were talking a lot about like how a fine relationship, how I'd be in a relationship.
38:45
Like let's say you're in a room with all these new women, what are some of the most common things that you are unconsciously or consciously doing to keep yourself from being able to receive what's in the room?
38:57
Yeah.
38:57
A big one for me, a big big one for me is comparison.
39:02
So I will, I will look at another woman and I will see all the amazing things she's doing and I'll be like, oh, I can't, I can't even match up.
39:14
Right.
39:14
So, then I just, like, similar to your, similar to your experience of like, judgment.
39:19
Right.
39:20
It's like, oh, there's no way that I could, that I could be, you know, that bright or that bold and, and that is, you know, that's another way we stop ourselves.
39:30
It's just like, ok, well, then, fine, I'm not even going to engage because I'm already deciding that I'm not worthy of this friendship or this friendship isn't worthy of me, which is like the flip side of that, right?
39:40
It's like when we compare somebody as less than, and look at them as less, then.
39:46
So comparison tends to take me into a lot of my insecure, insecure feeling like, oh, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not good enough.
39:55
I'm not as, you know, far along on the path as some women.
39:59
Like that's a bit, right?
40:02
A big one.
40:03
Research if you're in a healing space or like you're in this healing journey or you're creating transformation or you start your personal development space, I think that's a really, really big one because you can come up against someone that you're like, you're more healed than me.
40:15
I'm in quotations because it's so dumb to be frank.
40:21
I would take on those stories.
40:22
And ego does create that because you know, it's like, oh, what's the one thing I can compare myself to?
40:27
And you're like, oh, you've been doing this work for the last 10 years.
40:29
So, like you, I can't be friends or I have so much I could learn from you and then we pedestal them.
40:35
Right.
40:35
Or, you know, the other side of that is, oh, they're behind me on their healing journey.
40:40
There's nothing I can learn from them.
40:42
There's nothing I can get out of this relationship.
40:44
It, it won't be, you're just starting.
40:47
Right.
40:47
Right.
40:48
Exactly.
40:49
Yeah, I think that, yeah, I mean, I've just experienced that so many times.
40:54
Right.
40:54
And it's like that reminder to ourselves that most, most of us in the world are showing up at where we are revealing like the best, brightest, shiniest parts of ourselves.
41:06
Right.
41:06
So when you're in that room, when you're in that networking event or that women's event or that yoga class or whatever, most, most of us tend to bring the parts of ourselves that we think are the most desirable or right, that people are gonna approve of.
41:24
Most of us aren't walking around being like, oh, I feel messy as hell.
41:28
And like this part, I'm in a shame spiral today when we're willing to lean in and, and like, create that connection anyway and bring, bring the honesty.
41:41
Right.
41:42
Yes.
41:42
Celebrate the best shiniest parts of ourselves and bring our humanity.
41:46
We so often can like that veneer, just shatter and we're like, oh, we're just two people, we're just two people and, you know, no, matter how messy human beings like stumbling along this path of life, right?
42:03
Yeah.
42:03
No matter how enlightened, right?
42:06
People see it's like we all have the human, the human stuff and that's really where the, the connection is.
42:13
And the I would say hand in hand with comparison is jealousy can also show up with women that we're just meeting, but also with like women, we're already in relationship with, right?
42:25
When we, when you see someone who has or is embodying something that you want or whether that's like someone has the the romantic relationship that you want, that you're that you're seeking or?
42:38
Well, I I actually experienced this with you.
42:40
It was jealousy when you shared with me about your speaking journey, your speaking business.
42:46
And I was like, oh my God, like she's doing it like that's so cool.
42:51
I'm so jealous.
42:52
Like you're traveling, you're doing the things.
42:54
And I felt like I may have even said it to you like I'm I feel jealous.
42:58
But anyway, I like experienced that about you.
43:01
Yeah.
43:02
And I just thought like that came to me because you were like, yeah, I have examples.
43:05
I was like, wait, there's a jealousy one right here.
43:07
And, and the thing about the beautiful thing about jealousy is that what it illuminates for us?
43:13
Like a lot of times we want to shun jealousy, right?
43:16
Like we want to, it's got this negative connotation in our culture.
43:21
And when we can turn toward it like in shadow work, we can look at the jealousy, we can say, oh, it's actually the thing on underneath is just a desire, right?
43:33
And so when I see like when I see that the thing you're doing that I feel jealous of, I have this sensation in my body of like, oh, you know, I'm jealousy.
43:44
I can then be like, what's the desire underneath?
43:47
Oh I want to be traveling and speaking and that's where we you can get connected in the the thing that's underneath the jealousy.
43:57
Oh Thank you for sharing that.
43:59
Yeah, I'm excited but you're going to be speaking.
44:01
Thanks.
44:02
I already that for you.
44:03
Thank you.
44:04
I think the other thing for jealousy too is like also seeing it as something you admire in someone which what I always think is like if you admire something in someone else that means it's 100% available to you too.
44:14
Yeah, because we wouldn't pick up on the parts like we like everything's a mirror.
44:18
Every relationship is a mirror, right?
44:19
So like we usually look at the mirror context as some like triggers or negative things.
44:23
But in this way, it's also like, oh, they have that thing.
44:26
That means I have that thing now like, oh, I admire that thing or I quote unquote jealous.
44:31
It's like, no, I actually admire that thing about them or like I desire that thing about them.
44:35
OK?
44:35
So that means that I have it too.
44:37
Oh, so I'm so glad that we brought that up.
44:39
The other thing that comes up for me that we haven't talked about, which I think you might have mentioned this on one of your posts that I saw was comparing your physical image, your external image to other women, which I haven't felt that in most recent years because I've worked a lot of my body image stuff, my eating disorder and all that stuff.
44:57
But that was really, really present for me even in high school and college, like, even when I had those quote unquote, like easy close friends, like that was the thing that completely spiraled me outside of the room because I was uncomfortable in what I was wearing or I was like, is this position making me look a certain way?
45:16
Is it making me look chubbier?
45:18
Like, am I not sitting up straight enough?
45:20
You know, or like, wow, they look so skinny and so beautiful and put together and I look like a blob, you know, like all of those stories just completely took me away from the actual person, which is what you are talking about, which is the humanness within us.
45:33
And what I love about sisterhoods and what I love about women's circles and the kinds of environments that you guys are creating is like you are bringing a lot of the surface level walls down and you're starting from the place of humanness and I laugh about this and I talk about this with every human.
45:49
I'm like, it's baffling to me that the one thing that we have in common is the last thing that we talk about, which is our insecurities, our real men, our thoughts.
45:58
Yeah.
45:58
All those things.
45:59
Like, that's the one thing we all have in common about.
46:01
And it's the last thing that we ever bring up in conversation and then experiencing Evan and her women's circles are just being over.
46:08
Like you do such a great job of bringing those wall down to be like, let's get to the real stuff.
46:13
What's really present for you?
46:15
You are already starting like that.
46:17
And I just don't think everyone gets the opportunities are like that.
46:20
But if we start there and I feel like the things that we were talking about like the jealousy, the comparison, the judgment, the body image stuff, all that stuff will go away if we just bring all the messiness of the table too and not even just go away, but it will actually alchem into connection, intimacy.
46:39
And that's the beauty, right?
46:40
Like I often like to start a, well, especially in a retreat space like what p and I are creating because we have more time to really drum in together.
46:50
I love to start in the opening circle with asking who's nervous.
46:54
And usually it's almost everyone and we get to like laugh and celebrate the nerves rather than being like, you know, usually we're, we're internally putting a lot of pressure on ourselves that like everyone else feels so comfortable and I'm the one who's here nervous or awkward or in my head.
47:10
Right?
47:11
And then I love to ask something like what is actually we did this at our, the sister had Day Paige and I led in L A we asked in the opening circle, what is something that you are already just looking around the circle comparing yourself about start there.
47:27
So what's an insider that's coming out for you?
47:29
Because and then we all get our minds blown when woman in a row, the woman that you're looking at being like she's perfect, she has whatever the thing is the body, the ring on her finger, you know, the house, the business like like she's so at ease in herself.
47:48
And then we get to hear what's she internally feeling insecure about or comparing herself about?
47:53
And it's like, yeah, not only does all of that insecurity and self judgment and self criticism live, but it really does transform into this like ooey gooey, warm, connective, intimate energy that just has us all feel safe in a way that you know, sometimes you can spend hours and hours and hours with people and not create safety because we're just talking on the surface.
48:19
Everyone listening here has done that before.
48:21
It's not when you play at first about it.
48:25
Like if you can walk away.
48:27
It's so funny because a lot of times in our experience, like, women will walk away knowing each other's souls but not their careers.
48:34
And then there's other experiences where I walked away, like, knowing everything about their work.
48:39
But, like, I don't know who they are as a human being.
48:41
Right?
48:42
Like, I can't feel that I didn't get to feel them.
48:45
So, yeah, it's just, it's just a very interesting experience.
48:49
The comparison between the two and we love it.
48:52
We're like, bring it all in the comparison.
48:55
Bring your jealous show.
48:56
Bring your math like, yeah, all of it and the messiness, you know, that's a big advocate for this podcast.
49:03
You know, it's all about being your fullest express self, which means the parts that you admire, but also the parts of you that you try to share are the parts that you want to put away because those parts are here too.
49:13
This is such a great time for you guys to talk about your upcoming offerings.
49:19
For those that are anyone that's listening or what kinds of experiences you guys are putting together?
49:24
Yeah.
49:25
All right.
49:26
You want me to jump in.
49:27
OK.
49:28
OK.
49:29
Look at me.
49:31
So the most exciting I would say the thing that is like most on our hearts right now on our hearts for many years.
49:38
Yeah.
49:39
And is finally coming into the world into fruition are our sisterhood sleepover retreat weekends.
49:46
So we we know from leading and also receiving retreat experiences, right?
49:53
The power of a women's retreat, the the safe space that gets created what it is to fully unplug from like the stress and responsibility and everything we're holding in our lives and really disconnect from all of that and be in this space of deep healing and growth, work and expansion and connection with other women.
50:15
We love all of that.
50:17
We're bringing all that into this experience and the kind of twist on the the tradition women's retreat as we at least have experienced.
50:26
It is this way like this playful silly inner little girl slumber party vibe that we are mixing into the pot with all of the grown and healing work.
50:38
Hence the name sisterhood Sleeper like at the party.
50:44
Yeah, personal growth.
50:45
What more could you ask for?
50:47
Truly?
50:48
Truly.
50:49
So you know, and even just saying the words like sleepover slumber party, I'm thinking about like there's this really for a lot of us, there's this nostalgic yearning for those slumber party days, right?
51:01
Where we were cozied up in someone's basement and had like all the snacks and choreographing dances and dodge circle.
51:13
I randomly was on a plane and I was watching 13 going on 30.
51:17
There is a scene in there and I've seen it a million times.
51:20
But this is literally bringing back to me because I just skipped through all the good parts because it was like last 30 minutes of my flight and so I went to the part where she had just come back and she was like,, I think, reminiscing and realizing that she was just, I don't know, she was like craving her 13 year old self.
51:36
And so she asked all of these 13 year old girls to come hang out with her when she was 30.
51:41
And there's a part in the scene where she's like, dressed up and she's like playing and like, she's talking to her girlfriends and talking to them like they were little kids and like, that's what I meant.
51:50
I need to go get that clip.
51:52
We have a 13 going on 30.
51:54
It's literally her in her thirties because obviously she went to her thirties and then she's like craving like she only feels comfortable around her 13 year old friend.
52:02
It's upset.
52:02
And so she's hanging out with all of her 30 old friends and they're like dancing and throwing popcorn out, all dressed up.
52:08
And so it was just a beautiful experience of how she was just craving that inner child safety.
52:14
And that play when you were talking about that.
52:17
That's the exact scene that was in my head.
52:19
I was like, that's so cute.
52:21
That's incredible.
52:24
I'm so glad you shared that so many of us are craving that.
52:28
And the other piece I want to speak to is that's also the time of life when a lot of us felt like wounded around sisterhood and community, right?
52:39
So we, for me, at least looking back, I kind of like romanticize and I really did love slumber party experiences.
52:46
But there's also the part of me that had moments where I felt like I didn't belong in certain groups of girls or where there were a couple of girls who were being mean and then gossiping and, and, and you know that like over the years had a little seed of like distrust of women that I had to release, right?
53:05
Or like there are also women who will come to our sleepovers who didn't experience that either because they were at the time, felt on the outside or shy or didn't let themselves have it or their parents wouldn't let them or they didn't have a friend group like that, right?
53:22
So this experience while it gets to be so silly, playful, fun, light, the movie scene you just described also gets to be the place to come heal that 13 year old part of ourselves or that 18 year old or that 10 year old, right?
53:38
Part of our five year old, all the old right to learn and have like a felt experience that she fully belongs, that she's fully enough and that's, that's the invitation that we're so excited to welcome women into.
53:56
So what is the next one?
53:57
So what's the the next one coming up?
54:00
And then if you have any other future ones that you wanna share, we have one coming up July 12th through 14th in San Diego.
54:06
That is our, that is the most present one.
54:10
That's the most recent one.
54:11
And then we have another one in the fall which we haven't selected the dates for.
54:15
But it keep in, keep, keep on our loop.
54:17
Keep in the loop.
54:18
And that will let you know when we, when we drop the dates for that one.
54:22
Ok.
54:22
Can they reach out to you if they can't make the one in July?
54:25
But they can make to the one in the fall?
54:27
Yeah, absolutely.
54:28
I don't know if we can, we can link it below but you can go to bit dot Lee slash and you can sign up for our list and we will inform you of all the upcoming sisterhood sleepover retreats and we do events so we do women's circles, sister circles, self care workshops, all kinds of things.
54:47
So you can get on our list for that.
54:49
Yeah.
54:49
And also just D M us like reach out personally around and say hi and connect, right?
54:55
Don't, you don't have to wait till there's an event that you can attend.
54:58
We just would love to, to connect and, and you know, start expanding our community of women who, you know, we just know there's so many women out there that are craving this.
55:08
We would just, we would love to hear what you've got out of this.
55:11
What, what you got for yourself out of this conversation that would be really special.
55:15
Yeah.
55:16
Well, anyone that gets to go to one of your retreats is gonna be absolutely so blessed because I, again, I'm just gonna reiterate to any of the listeners now or in the future.
55:24
You know, you can heal so much in sisterhood and even the wounds that we have.
55:30
Honestly, even the wounds that we've experienced in romantic partnerships, like it doesn't have to be just sisterhood wounds.
55:35
Like there's so much recalibrating and reworking and undoing and unraveling that is available to us with other women.
55:44
So, thank you so much for creating such a beautiful space for women and for coming onto the podcast to have such an important conversation and necessary.
55:53
And I'm just so excited for both of you and how you guys are changing the way that women men relate to one another and like creating such more depth in that, having it so special.
56:04
This was really special.
56:05
I love doing it in person.
56:06
Look, we're all together in the cozy little sisterhood bubble.
56:12
So see, love you guys, love you.
