Full Transcript
0:00
Welcome to the fully expressed podcast with Karenna.
0:02
I am your podcast host, Karenna Soto.
0:04
And this is the podcast show where we have conversations that truly invite you into living a life fully expressed.
0:10
So, what does that look like in relationships?
0:13
What does that look like in your business?
0:14
What does that look like in your career?
0:16
What does that look like in your personal life?
0:18
We’re constantly having different kinds of conversations to truly invite you into that version of yourself.
0:24
And what I love about this show is that it’s usually just me and my girlfriends or me and my friends or anyone that comes on here just having a conversation as if we’re eating over dinner.
0:33
So we’re going to get vulnerable and honest and tell stories and just truly create a space for you to learn, but also explore the different parts of you.
0:42
And today is really special because I have a special guest which I feel like the universe has just like connected us in like a really weird way we haven’t met in person yet.
0:52
But thank goodness for the internet.
0:54
You know, I think, and I’ll tell you your name in a second.
0:57
But what I love about the internet is that there is this like wider reach to connect with people that are in your world, right?
1:04
And I’ve always had this love hate relationship with social media, which I’ve talked about on here.
1:09
But this is one of the gifts and the blessings that social media has like really gifted me with.
1:15
And so I would love to introduce you to Sana.
1:18
Sana is a spiritual mentor for ambitious women who crave a softer way to create the life that they deeply desire.
1:26
She’s also the host of the Thriving and Love Podcast and founder of the Shakti Society, a mentorship program for women to be well paid well loved for their authentic self.
1:39
And if that doesn’t tell you why she’s on this podcast, I mean, it just truly captures the reasons why she’s here.
1:47
And what I love about Sana is that her and I’s energy, like, truly just like vibes off each other.
1:53
I feel like, you know, and I’ll let you say something in a second.
1:56
And if you don’t know this, I was actually a guest on her podcast, the Thriving and Love Podcast where we talked about when it went from people pleasing to fully express with my own journey.
2:06
And so I’m so excited to have her here to share her journey and her story as well as being an invitation for you to fully lean into your feminine, fully lean into surrendering letting go and listening tuition and the, and the importance of what that means to honor that for a season.
2:24
So that being said, I will pass it over to Sana.
2:28
Hi.
2:28
What an intro.
2:30
Yes to Instagram synergy.
2:32
I love it all.
2:34
I’m so honored to be here and excited to dive in.
2:37
Yeah.
2:37
Thank you so much for being here.
2:39
It’s just so sweet that Instagram brought us here, you know.
2:43
Yeah, I think my favorite thing about Instagram is that it kind of does connect to you.
2:49
Like the algorithm will show you things that you like, right?
2:52
So then shows you things that you think only you like and then you see someone who is talking about everything that you are only thinking, which is why I fell in love with your page and your content.
3:05
And I was like, oh my gosh, it’s like the first time I saw someone really talking about being fully expressed and what that means as someone who is like, not just using expression for creativity but like a way of life.
3:19
So I was like, yes, like the ambition, the shining our authenticity, shining our light like in all ways, not just in our business, not just in our creativity, but like all of it.
3:31
Love it.
3:32
Oh Thank you.
3:33
I know, I think it all comes back to like owning our authenticity, which you talk about your content too.
3:40
And it’s so crazy when you start to you start this work in a way of like, oh, how can I heal and fix me?
3:47
Right?
3:47
It comes from a place of like, I don’t feel like enough.
3:50
I want to fix these things about me.
3:52
Am I doing something wrong?
3:53
How can I become better?
3:54
And I have just found that so many of the answers are just being your most authentic version of you and bringing that to any table or any room that you step into, you know, totally.
4:06
But like, yeah, so like owning that and being proud of it and being rooted and grounded in your truth.
4:13
And that means being ok with those difficult conversations, putting your foot down, speaking up claiming your space, all of the above.
4:21
It’s not just about, oh, this is who I am.
4:23
This is me.
4:24
Hi, nice to meet you.
4:26
It’s like having those moments of knowing when to be vulnerable, knowing when to be powerful and balancing the two.
4:33
I love that.
4:34
So do you have a story or an example of what that has looked like for you on your journey?
4:40
Yeah, I think my greatest one is the one with my relationship with my husband.
4:46
So when I first started to dive into spirituality, which was a calling that I felt intuitively, not something that I was seeking.
4:53
I just kept feeling these nudges and these calls towards human design, astrology, yoga.
5:00
Just more mindfulness practices, meditation, somatic practices.
5:04
And it just felt like I was entering this whole different world and my husband was noticing these differences and these changes and every time I would mention spirituality, he would be like, what are you doing?
5:16
What are you saying?
5:16
Why are you talking about this?
5:18
And he would get triggered?
5:20
And he would be like, like I don’t because he, I guess probably has some religion trauma, right?
5:26
So for him, he’s all about being an atheist, not believe me in God.
5:30
He’s like, I don’t, I don’t care about any of that.
5:33
So he got triggered and I needed to chew, like, do I surrender my spirituality this journey?
5:41
That finally makes me feel so good?
5:44
Like I belong, like, I’m not a weirdo for wanting to grow and evolve as a human being, right?
5:50
Like wanting more than the 9 to 5, wanting more than just this traditional life that we felt for ourselves and like wanting to learn how to manifest all of the things, right?
5:59
And I had to choose like, ok, do I treat spirituality as something more than just this hobby and go all in or do I stay safe in my comfort zone with my husband and just be like, ok, that was fun time to let it go.
6:14
But like, I couldn’t, like I tried, I did like, I’m not going to lie.
6:19
I tried to be like, you know what, I’m just going to go back to my real world.
6:24
Maybe this is too much.
6:25
Maybe it’s not real, maybe it’s not for people like me.
6:28
Right?
6:28
Like I’ve seen so many white women that are in this space.
6:33
I haven’t seen a single woman of color who is talking about manifestation.
6:38
See a lot now, which is amazing.
6:41
But this was like three years ago and then I let it go for a little bit.
6:45
But then I swear to God at Kara, you probably feel this too where you’re walking and you just see all the signs, you see angel numbers everywhere, you see synchronicities and signs and you’re just getting like a video that’s speaking to your and you can’t ignore the call.
7:03
So I told my husband, hey, I need to figure out what is calling me because it’s getting louder and louder and I cannot ignore it.
7:12
That’s when we decided to get our own apartment.
7:15
And I lived in my own apartment in Upper East Side.
7:18
He was in Upper West and I spent the week just diving in, sitting in nature like just going all in on my feminine and on the weekends we hung out and we had strict boundaries.
7:33
I’m not allowed to talk about spirituality and he’s not allowed to like judge me or put any of his preconceived notions on what I’m doing.
7:42
We literally were like, it felt like we were newly dating where we’re not allowed to talk about all of our parts again.
7:48
And it was actually really fun and exciting to like, have a whole world and have his whole world.
7:54
But then date on the weekends to like, just hang out and then on the weekdays, I’m just like, hanging out with God, hanging out with God.
8:02
I love this.
8:04
And it really, like, I was doing like psychedelics during the day, like I wasn’t working at all.
8:09
I literally just completely surrendered.
8:11
I got like unemployment during COVID for being self employed.
8:15
So I literally just spent all that money on just surviving during the time that I wanted to go all in on this journey.
8:22
All right, dropping another life hack for you.
8:25
Add more red light therapy into your practices into your daily routine.
8:31
And what does that actually mean?
8:33
So one way to get actually free red light, you can do that from the sunrise or you can do it from the sunset.
8:39
So you can easily just walk outside and get the sun, the sunrise light and red light that is available to us or when you’re going out to the sunset.
8:47
One of the most beautiful things that I love about San Diego is that we most of the community and myself go to sunset because it’s like God putting on a party.
8:57
Yes, I want to definitely be at God’s party as he’s showing off and doing work with his sunset.
9:03
But I’m also doing it so I can support my circadian rhythm so I can support my system so I can help myself daily.
9:11
This has been life changing.
9:13
I do this the best that I can.
9:15
First thing in the morning, get outside, try and hit sunrise or if not, I go outside first thing in the morning to get sunshine.
9:23
If you do not have access to these things or you live in a place where it’s not as sunny, you can still receive sun by going outside one thing, but red light therapy, you can actually buy red light products and you can support your system by supporting red light.
9:37
And it has been a game changer.
9:40
I also live in California.
9:41
So I do get sunsets and sunrises but adding red light therapy and doing infrared saunas that have light or buying the loom box that I just recently bought and putting the red light onto my body directly.
9:55
First thing in the morning and at night before bed has been a game changer.
9:59
I am sleeping so much better.
10:01
My boyfriend and I calm down at night time using the red light.
10:06
So if you are interested in splurging in a red light product, highly recommend doing it.
10:12
It has been amazing if you are not take advantage of the sunrise and the sunset or you can look for sessions around your city that do sauna and infrared saunas or that have red light therapy in their products.
10:26
So thank you so much for listening.
10:28
So many things.
10:29
Ok.
10:29
So can I can you clarify?
10:31
You were married at the time?
10:32
Like you were like, you guys were fully married.
10:35
Yeah, fully married for 6.5 years.
10:38
Traditionally married, like super one bedroom, like New York City, like super traditional life.
10:46
This is so beautiful because I’ve heard I’ve been friends with women that are married, you know, and I run into more married women and then they start to come into their spiritual awakening in the middle of their marriage.
10:58
And it’s, I’m so curious, what was it like to navigate that?
11:01
And in stepping into this, like newer version of you that you quote unquote are experimenting with, right?
11:08
You’re like, I’m starting to get to know this version of me.
11:10
There’s something that’s calling you.
11:11
There’s a part of me that’s more like, how did you take the first step from even being OK with owning that?
11:19
You know, I think it’s one thing that we all hear it but like, how did you work through the fears of like, fully owning that?
11:24
And the possibility, I mean, like even the possibility of things not looking the same anymore after being married for six years, you know, like things act and transforming.
11:34
No, I’m so happy you asked that question because we gave each other the freedom to be like, let’s have a couple of months of not being husband and wife and like energetically and allowing ourselves to like, pretend like we’re not married at all.
11:54
So that we can literally just explore.
11:57
Do we even want to continue this relationship as we go through this death and rebirth and give each other that full freedom to let a version of our marriage go.
12:08
And if we do come back together and we choose each other, it’s going to be a fresh start.
12:14
It’s going to be brand new.
12:15
It’s going to be new versions of us and we’re going to build from the bottom up again.
12:21
Yeah.
12:22
How was he open to that idea?
12:24
Right away.
12:25
It was a lot of crying.
12:26
It was a lot of the moment that I remember the most vividly is he was crying.
12:33
We were on the bed and he was like, I just don’t want to hold you back.
12:38
I don’t want to dim your light.
12:39
I don’t want to be the reason.
12:42
Yeah.
12:42
Like I think it was, it was very emotional.
12:47
It was very beautiful in a way that we both felt like we were the reason that the other person wasn’t reaching their full potential.
12:55
Like, and you know, when you love someone, you would rather set them free and let them go and become the most magical version of them, whether it’s with you or without you.
13:07
Yeah, I mean, I remember when I got my apartment, it was like the day I was moving out, it felt very like we were literally leaving each other or like it was, it was weird because we weren’t getting a divorce, we weren’t separated.
13:23
We were very committed to staying in a relationship, but we were also very consciously aware that everything that we built up to that moment was not going to be how we continue our relationship because it wasn’t optimal for our highest self.
13:37
Like me being the one cooking, cleaning him, being the breadwinner.
13:41
I wanted to be a super successful woman on my own 2 ft and he wanted to be someone who can fully take care of himself without relying on anyone else.
13:51
So we knew that that those versions of us were not longer going to be.
13:55
It was really emotional.
13:57
My gosh, I bet.
13:58
I mean, but it sounds like you guys hold true to how much you guys loved each other and was like, well, I still want the best for you even if you didn’t know the exact way of getting to your best versions of you or most optimal versions of you is the word that you use, you know, and that I would love to know, what did it look like when you first moved into your place?
14:17
Like how did that transition go?
14:20
How did you fully surrender into that experience?
14:23
The first night was the hardest, the coldest the most like, I mean, we I didn’t have a bed yet, so I was sleeping on an air mattress, barely had like comforter and pillows and stuff.
14:37
I like ordered everything and it was gonna come like literally the next day.
14:41
So the first night was weird, like unpacking boxes and I remember journaling that night and being like, I made the biggest mistake ever, I miss him so much.
14:52
Why did I do this?
14:53
I want to go back to my house.
14:55
I could have 30 minute ride right on the subway just like go down back to lower East side.
15:00
But I decided to just sit in my emotions and that was the first time I didn’t drink my problems away.
15:09
I didn’t just binge watch TV to run away from my feelings.
15:14
I consciously, I don’t, I don’t even, I wouldn’t even say this was conscious because I didn’t know at the time what it meant to sit with your feelings and feel your feelings.
15:23
I just intuitively allowed myself to just cry and feel and move my body and really feel my own sensations.
15:32
Eventually I went to sleep and I woke up and it was like the birds were chirping, the sun was out.
15:39
It was the most magical morning I’ve ever experienced in New York.
15:44
I packed a bag.
15:45
I took a stroll out, came across the steps of the Met and my whole childhood all throughout high school.
15:53
I was obsessed with gossip girl.
15:54
I read all the books when the show came out.
15:56
I binge watched it.
15:57
I was obsessed with Gossip Girl and I get to the steps of the Met and they were filming the new gossip girl right there.
16:04
And I was just like, what are the chances that I never go to the Met?
16:10
Because I was in Lower East Side and you don’t go up 14th Street being naive.
16:14
Little 20 something year olds in New York.
16:16
So I never really went to Central Park or the Met or anything.
16:19
And that day I was like, wow, there’s a whole world still to be discovered and I’m just starting a whole new chapter in my life.
16:28
And it gave me so much hope of all that’s, that’s to be explored the entire time.
16:33
You were talking.
16:34
I just got like chills throughout my entire body.
16:36
It was like zap, zap, zap, zap, zap zap.
16:38
I was like, oh wow, I love that.
16:41
You shared that because I think a lot of what you’re sharing too is like there was so much beauty in it that you saw too.
16:46
But then there was a lot of like rawness and realness and feelings and that you had to work through at the same time.
16:53
And even though you knew you were listening to this part of you that really needed this God, the universe spirit.
17:00
However anyone’s listening to this connects to that life or source, it still showed you signs.
17:05
You know, one is like, hey, you’re supposed to be doing that.
17:08
Just look at this beautiful experience that is waiting for you because you made that choice.
17:12
I was held completely, completely.
17:16
Without a doubt in my mind, I felt so supported by the universe because I took the step, right.
17:24
Like I was really frustrated before where I felt like I didn’t have freedom.
17:28
I felt like I was really stifled.
17:29
I felt like I was really just outgrowing my current environment.
17:33
And then as soon as I took that leap and got my own place and the first day came and went, it was magical like that whole eight months of living in that apartment.
17:44
I had miracles nonstop coming into my life and feeling deeply emotional because I was healing the deepest murkiest wounds that weren’t just mine, but also for my ancestors and like just the most intense deep shadow work.
18:05
But when I keep trying to say this to people, people are so scared of shadow work and going deep into their murkiest emotions because they think it’s just going to be this darkness.
18:14
It’s not because hello, we’ve got science on our side with the law of physics where it as deep as you go is how high you go.
18:23
It’s just the law.
18:24
You can’t avoid it.
18:25
You’re never going to be stuck in the darkness because the opposite of that will always need to exist at the same time.
18:33
It’s, it’s like you really need the dark and the light.
18:35
You know, I think once you get a taste of like owning the messiest parts of you or the darkest parts of you in this shadow work that you’re talking about.
18:44
It’s almost like there’s so much more space for love and light and beauty on steroids.
18:49
All those.
18:50
It’s like you haven’t, if you haven’t felt the extreme of the darkness, you don’t, you get to also experience the extreme of the joy and the light and the energy and the beauty that, that we all genuinely want to feel.
19:04
Right, these levels of high levels of emotion, but you can’t have either or in order to have both, you have to be with both, right?
19:11
Is that fair?
19:12
Yes, exactly.
19:13
And I like to think that our deepest wounds have our greatest treasure.
19:16
Trust is like that’s where the greatest treasure lies.
19:20
You can’t get to the other side until you’re willing to go through.
19:23
There’s so many sayings that exist to remind us that that’s how you get to the gold, right?
19:30
That diamonds are made under pressure.
19:32
There’s so many ways that the universe has been reminding us of the simple truth that you can’t have the good without the bad, you can’t have the light without the darkness.
19:43
It just is.
19:44
And once you accept that and embody it and live it, you’ll see that that’s how you end up being someone who stays calm while there’s chaos going on in your world and how build up the emotional maturity, how you build up the courage and the resilience and all of the traits that are required in order to become a strong, independent, sovereign, conscious leader that’s here to build the bridge to New Earth.
20:10
Wow.
20:10
Can we say that louder?
20:12
Just repeat that the tense all over again.
20:14
Did you hear that?
20:15
Like there’s that is available to us, right?
20:18
That calm and the chaos, the genuine sovereignty that you’re talking to like all of that is wrapped up.
20:25
I would love to know like what would be your advice to someone that is feeling the call to fully surrender, like listen to the parts of them that are asking for more of them, listen to the parts of them that are asking to experience something that is completely out of their comfort zone or something that’s completely out of left field, almost like I would have never thought that I would be doing this, but I really want to do this.
20:46
How do you, what would be the best thing for them to lean into that?
20:49
Like, how does someone lean into that?
20:51
And what can they hold on to, to give them hope as they’re moving through it?
20:56
The one thing I tell my clients is think about the five year version of you who will be the version of you who took that leap?
21:05
And what is the most abundantly strong, resilient, like powerful version of you and keep that vision while you’re going through the tough times and while you’re taking that leap first and initially and being like I’m doing this for her.
21:24
I’m doing this to become her.
21:26
I am doing this because that’s my birthright.
21:29
It’s my birthright to be the woman that I can’t stop thinking about and dreaming about and you get to you have free will.
21:39
So you get to choose to take that leap and know that that version of you is you like right now, it’s not someone in the future.
21:48
It’s not someone that you are going to one day become, as soon as you make that choice to leap, you become that woman who is fearless, who is independent, who is ruthless, who’s relentless about becoming the best version of her so that she can be of service and be a woman of God.
22:09
No, don’t be sorry.
22:10
I want to hear all of it.
22:12
That was amazing.
22:13
I want you to go off like that was, that was so good.
22:16
I just channeled the version of me that I can’t stop thinking about whenever I need to make a difficult decision in my life and that gives me the power and the courage to move forward.
22:26
Yeah.
22:26
It’s, it’s like you have this vision of you, this version of you that you’re like so that you hold so true to you.
22:31
I think we wouldn’t have the capability of seeing that for ourselves or you wouldn’t have the capability to see that for you if it wasn’t possible.
22:39
Like because you see it, it’s because it’s meant for you.
22:43
Yeah.
22:43
It’s our, it’s our spiritual gifts.
22:45
Each and every single one of us have it.
22:46
Some of us visualize it.
22:48
Some of us feel it emotionally.
22:49
Some of us just know in our bodies.
22:52
Like there’s a couple other Claires that I’m like forgetting like the cla sentient clairvoyant, they’re cognit, what are they, what does that mean?
23:00
So like, it’s kind of like your sixth sense, like each empath has a spiritual gift.
23:06
Like if you’re neurodivergent, then most likely you have a spiritual gift that is usually identified as like anxiety or depression or bipolar or schizo.
23:18
Like the mental health world doesn’t acknowledge the fact that we have spiritual gifts that we’re here to actualize and embody and get paid for our spiritual gifts and we do them like freely for our whole life.
23:33
So think about like, what do people like desire from you?
23:37
Like a lot of times people trauma dump on us, a lot of times people see us as their therapist or the people with the best advice.
23:45
And it’s because you have a spirit, a gift that other people don’t have.
23:49
So the world wants that from you and then you end up being drained if you’re not having an equal energy exchange.
23:56
So if you give your spiritual gift freely all the time, you end up bitter, you end up resentful, you end up drained and then one day you’re going to collapse and you’re going to need to build yourself back up with boundaries.
24:09
That’s why boundaries and energetic boundaries and all that stuff is so important for us.
24:14
Hm.
24:15
So much.
24:16
That was so cool.
24:17
I had no idea that that was a thing.
24:19
So for someone that realizes that they have spiritual gifts and they want to start leaning into these spiritual gifts and get a good energetic exchange, right?
24:31
Not just give, give, give because I think in our world today, in our culture today, it’s so normal for us and almost like celebrated, appreciated for how giving you are.
24:42
You know what I mean?
24:43
It’s like, hey, wow, you’re so selfless and it’s amazing.
24:47
And it’s like what so like for someone that is so selfless and so giving and it’s so hard for them to have their boundaries and for so difficult for them to see that they deserve more than just serving others that they also deserve, serving themselves.
25:01
What can be the that gets them to see that for themselves.
25:04
Well, the most important thing, the shift that I needed was realizing that the more I pour into myself, the more I have to give to others and self care for me now isn’t just like, oh a nice little luxury.
25:20
It’s a nonnegotiable so that I have the energetic ability to hold space for my clients to hold space in the spaces that I’m being asked to hold space in.
25:29
Like if you can’t hold space for yourself, you cannot hold space for others.
25:34
So if you’re a healer, if you’re an empath, if you’re someone who is, you know, of service to others, you taking care of yourself is only going to make you a more powerful vessel for source to work through you so that you can serve better.
25:50
Yes, I love that.
25:52
It’s like, I wish everyone could hear this, you know, in that way, I would love to know when you dove into your feminine and like you really surrendered into it.
26:01
How long did you stay in that season?
26:03
And how long did you honor it for?
26:06
And what did it look like to integrate the masculine to help you get to this place of like fully owning all of your guests in a very embodied state because we’re talking about the surrender where talking about the boundaries, which is a little bit of both the mask, the feminine and masculine.
26:21
And I would love to know what that was like for you.
26:23
Yeah.
26:23
So I completely surrendered my masculine like full, let go of working full, let go of wondering what’s going on in my relationship.
26:33
I just let everything be and unfold the way it wanted to unfold because I needed to go inward completely and just tap into my intuition, tap into strengthening my inner wisdom and learning.
26:51
Like I was doing probably a psychedelic journey every month during the full moon to simply learn as much as I could receive all the Muslims that I could.
27:04
And then I felt like, wow, I mean, I know everything.
27:08
I’m ready to get back to the world.
27:11
Oh boy.
27:12
And then I had to learn the hard way that that is step one.
27:18
And then there’s a whole integration process and embodiment process that needs to happen.
27:25
Like people come back my Alaska and they’re like, oh I’m God and I’m like, yeah, come back to me once you integrate that into like once you get back into the real world, like how does that actually?
27:36
Yeah, you know, and then I realized that when so then my husband and I moved back into the, when we moved to L A and that was a really huge adjustment period because I’m here thinking I’m this like Godly woman super enlightened.
27:51
I know all this stuff.
27:53
But then realizing that I haven’t actually put any of that into practice.
27:58
And when I had these arguments with my husband, I had to now not be the old version of me who is reactive, but instead remember that I’m an emotionally intelligent woman who is not going to just think about me, but I’m going to pause, I’m going to reflect, I’m going to hold space to truly listen to what he’s saying.
28:23
And actually think about things from him point of view and realize that my truth is not the only truth and he can have his own truth and I can and his truth doesn’t change my truth.
28:38
Literally, it was so expansive, it was hard work to grow my nervous system to a place where I can fully hold someone else’s reality in my own without it contradicting, without it influencing, without it affecting my own truth.
28:56
Yes.
28:57
Can we double down on that a little bit?
28:59
Because I think when I talk about like authentically expressing yourself or being your fullest express version of you, I think there is a season where you have to fully own that on your own, right?
29:07
It’s like your own world.
29:08
It’s like you’re doing this for yourself.
29:09
But there is a difference in knowing how to do that when you’re relating to someone because to what you said your exact words, like you have your truth, they have their truth and both truths are real, right?
29:20
They’re both valid.
29:21
They’re both different realities.
29:22
And it’s like, how do you hold space for your own reality as well as being able to have that ability to listen to someone else’s reality and be in it without taking it personally without making it about them, without judging them for it.
29:38
Comparing your guys’ selves.
29:40
Literally being able to say this is my reality.
29:43
This is your reality.
29:44
And how do I, how do I look at them as like they’re both true, not just, not just his.
29:50
So how do you actually do that?
29:52
And how have you done that in your relationship?
29:54
Yeah.
29:54
It’s something we do constantly, every single time we have differences in how we see something I have to, we’re doing a lot better job now, but we’re still work where it’s like we’re about to get into an argument and then I’m like, oh, wait a minute, this is so pointless because we’re never going to get on the same page.
30:14
Like you’re allowed to think about something your way and I’m allowed to think about something my way.
30:18
So in the beginning though, it was really hard because I felt like, am I with the wrong person?
30:24
Like, is it supposed to be compatibility and chemistry and all this stuff that we see on social media where it’s like, oh if it’s like taking you out from being your highest self, it’s not the right relationship for you and things like that.
30:39
And, and I had to sit with that and be like, is this my truth or is this just someone else’s truth and really be like, does my husband take me out from being my highest self when he disagrees with me?
30:54
Does he bring out a side of me that I don’t like a not self version of me?
31:02
Or is he simply expressing his truth and sharing what he wants to share?
31:07
And the reaction that is putting me out of myself is from my own wounding that I still have yet to explore so much nuance, so much exploration, so much, you need so much space to really process all of the things that are coming up and assess and not take action based on your initial reaction.
31:29
Like I’m a projector and I need three days to decide on big major decisions.
31:34
I’m a projector too.
31:36
Oh my gosh, of course you are.
31:37
That’s, that is insane.
31:40
That’s so funny.
31:41
Everything you just said was so great because I think, but I think to add to that too, there’s a sense of discernment that has to happen that but you have to go through experiences to be able to discern.
31:52
All right, which part of me is wounded?
31:54
Which part of me is being reactive?
31:56
Is this affecting my highest self?
31:58
Is this pulling me away from places out of alignment?
32:01
What does that actually look like?
32:02
And I think like you just said, Instagram, social media like sorry fuck with us.
32:07
Like it literally craves expectations and stories about what relationships should look like, even if someone binary in my face.
32:16
Well, it’s so binary and it’s also so rigid, but it’s difficult for someone, you know, most people in our world, right?
32:22
They want A plus B equals C, right?
32:23
They want the answers, they want it to be very much like OK, this is my situation.
32:29
So this is how I need to do it.
32:30
And every time I would personally work with clients, I’d be like, I can’t tell you that A plus B equals C.
32:35
We have to figure out what your unique equation is because your unique equation is so different than the other relationships.
32:41
But people think that relationship looks a certain way and that it has to be a certain way and that’s where we get caught up.
32:48
But you’re talking so much about stepping into this spiritually embodied fully expressive woman that can be with all parts of themselves and still hold true to what their truth is for your relationship.
33:02
Yeah.
33:02
I think relational grows is the greatest spiritual journey that you’re ever going to go on.
33:08
I think we can have a lot of self awareness, a lot of growth in therapy and when you’re single and it’s a beautiful time to have your single season.
33:18
But when you’re in a relationship, you’re going to see that you thought you were healed.
33:22
But in reality, the real work starts once you’re in an intimate relationship with someone else in a beautiful way and it’s super fun when you’re with the right person who understands conscious relationships and they understand that, ok, sometimes you’re going to get triggered and be reactive.
33:39
But as long as you hold yourself accountable and come back to the place of vulnerability and honesty, you can get through anything.
33:46
But if you’re the type of person who’s thinks that your truth is the only truth and you’re this spiritually evolved person.
33:53
And anyone outside of that is low vibe and low vibrational and you know this and that you’re never going to grow in the way that your soul came here to grow, which is to be in relation with others and have harmony, peace and joy with two completely different contradictory things.
34:12
That’s the growth that we’re here for.
34:14
Yeah.
34:15
Yeah.
34:15
The other thing that comes up as you’re talking about that, I think that was something that would be super supportive.
34:19
And you tell me what you think in someone being able to do that is like having a full understanding for their own wounding.
34:27
And then realizing that the other person on the other side also has their own because I think you get to a place of like, well, I want to be understood.
34:35
I’m like the other person on the other side of this also wants to be understood.
34:38
Like I see so many other couples that quote unquote are aware are conscious but they still miss each other because they’re holding some sense of standard that’s gonna keep them safe from their own wounding.
34:50
And they don’t feel safe with themselves though.
34:51
They projecting that onto someone else.
34:53
But I think if you can see that the other person is also coming from a place of wounding also has programming also has ancestor and all these things.
35:03
It’s like, oh wait, there’s two human beings in this relationship trying to heal.
35:10
It’s like they’re also trying to work through that too.
35:12
Yeah.
35:12
And the patriarchy in the system is completely against men too, which is something that I keep being reminded of when my husband’s like, babe, it’s not just you, like, it’s not just against the women.
35:24
Like, and then he starts to share his experiences of like not being able to be vulnerable, not having a friend that he can even share his emotions with where it’s like lame to talk about your feelings and talk about what you’re going through in the real world when you hang out with the guys over beer.
35:40
You know what I mean?
35:41
Like men don’t have a lot of safe spaces and I think women do now have more safe spaces and I think it’s time for us to or fully into ourselves, lean into our communities when we need that support for ourselves.
35:56
But now I think as a sovereign woman who wants to be a good partner for a husband, it’s time and it’s time for the men to heal and not to say that we’re responsible for the healing and do not let them like trauma dump or emotional like dump onto you.
36:10
You’re not coaches or not therapists, but you can encourage them to go to therapy and you can hold space for them to share what they experience in therapy without absorbing that and holding yourself responsible to fix them.
36:24
What’s your perspective?
36:25
I love that and I listen to that.
36:27
But what’s your perspective on this like movement where like I don’t call it movement, but everyone talks about polarity in a relationship and how like masculine men, like everyone feels so much more safer being in a masculine relationship.
36:38
But then in my opinion, when, let’s say our men go through hard times too.
36:43
How do you navigate that in your relationship?
36:46
Because like you said, they’re human too, they also have their shit that comes up and they’re even more limited on resources to create spaces.
36:55
So how does it feel?
36:57
How would you navigate that in relationship if yeah, there is this whole thing about how you really want masculine men.
37:03
You want them to always be the safe container, the holder.
37:06
I get that and they’re human.
37:09
You know, gosh, I’m so guilty of this.
37:11
Like there were moments where I’ve been like, you’re not being a man, you’re like, why can you be more manly and oh, cringe at that now, right?
37:22
Where I didn’t have the awareness that I do now that men are struggling in their own way.
37:29
And it’s important for us.
37:31
I think the purpose of marriage now is how can we both be fully expressed authentic selves in our own world?
37:41
How can I support you in becoming that version of you?
37:44
How can you support me in becoming that version of me?
37:46
It’s our own responsibility to do that and be that for ourselves.
37:50
But relationships can help and make it more fun, make the journey more joyful and playful and expressive.
37:58
But at the end of the day, like my man knows that he is responsible for his emotional growth.
38:05
I’m responsible for my emotional growth and we create these containers and these safe spaces for us to, to express without judgment without being like, well and without advice, like literally just hold space and share.
38:21
Sometimes he’s like going through something and he doesn’t even want to talk about it and he’ll be like, oh babe, can you just like rub my back tonight?
38:27
Like I’m just overwhelmed, right?
38:29
Like being able to communicate what you need in the moment, being able to not judge and think that the other person should be perfect all the time.
38:37
And I think that happens because we expect ourselves speak perfect all the time.
38:40
So it’s a perfectionist wound that women have of like, oh, I can’t allow myself to break down.
38:48
So I’m not going to let my man break down, right?
38:50
Like the more we accept about ourselves, the more feelings that we accept of ourselves, the more emotions, the more deeper we go in our own world.
38:56
It makes it easier to realize that oh, that person must also be going through all this stuff.
39:03
So let me hold space for them too.
39:05
Yeah, that the projection that we do as women, you know, I think I’ve definitely done that before.
39:12
I think I’ve done it in different ways.
39:14
You know, where I’ve been like, well, I can, I have this much capacity.
39:18
Why don’t you have this much capacity like I can execute this as much and you execute in this way or you look like this and you look like that.
39:25
It’s just because I’m holding myself to such a high standard that I’m expecting them to also show up at that same exact standard.
39:32
And it’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I can’t be projecting that onto them because they’re, they have their own stuff, they have to show up their own way.
39:39
But it’s, it’s you gotta catch that in yourself of how much you’re projecting on them, them to be like what you think they should be versus who you pay what they are on their own and just loving them at that.
39:52
And also because I think at end of the day as women, that’s exactly what we want to, right?
39:57
Like we want to be fully loved for who we are not who we’re expected to be.
40:01
And that’s just like a cultural race at our marathon that I feel like everyone’s always fighting up against.
40:07
But if we can learn how to love ourselves as we be, not as who we think we should be.
40:13
Isn’t it funny how that exactly mirrors and interconnects with manifestation too?
40:19
Because like the more we try to want, the more we want something and the more we have the expectation of getting it and working towards it, the further it gets from you and the more you sur there into the full knowingness that well, I manifested it.
40:37
They’ll come when it comes in divine timing, same with relationship.
40:41
I let them know what I want and I need, I am surrendering into me being that version of me.
40:48
They may take some time getting there but they will if you just hold true to knowing that you’re worthy of all the things that you and desire and you’re not jumping into that mother energy where you’re controlling and manipulating and trying to get them to be a certain way.
41:04
What is that?
41:04
You talked a little bit about manifestation.
41:06
I know you love talking about manifestation.
41:08
How can someone start to?
41:11
I mean, we talked a lot about it.
41:12
But what would be the key thing to helping someone manifest the the life, the relationship that they’re asking for?
41:19
Shadow work?
41:21
Yes louder.
41:23
Oh I think that the way I work, right?
41:25
This is how I manifest.
41:27
I have an intention.
41:28
I set it.
41:28
I write about it.
41:30
I put it away.
41:31
What happens is the universe then mirrors things within me that need to be activated or looked at and healed in order for me to get into alignment with the version of me that has that manifestation.
41:42
So sometimes it has nothing to do with the actual manifestation.
41:45
Sometimes it’s like an inner child wound or feeling of abandonment or not feeling worthy.
41:51
And I will literally have life experiences that are testing how worthy do I really think I am.
41:58
How confident am I really?
42:01
How ready am I in order for that manifestation to come in and that manifestation won’t come in until you’re ready.
42:08
You can know that you’re worthy.
42:09
You can be prepared.
42:11
You could do all the things.
42:12
But if you still have an energetic block in your chakra system, which is the shadow work that we do is the alchemy of those wounds.
42:20
It’s not, you’re not going to be in the frequency of that manifestation so good.
42:25
It’s like how I’ve talked about on this podcast.
42:28
Every single time I step into something more like, it’s like almost my biggest contractions.
42:33
All my shit comes up, it’s like tenfold and it’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa, just expanding you.
42:38
So you can work through this one.
42:40
I think it’s creating the, the ability resilience capacity to be in that messy shadows that you’re talking about.
42:46
But you gotta be willing to step in the shadows.
42:48
But every single time that you want something, it’s like universe God.
42:51
Everything will be like, all right, you want this, we gotta work through all this other stuff.
42:55
There’s like chaos that you’re not paying attention to because you want this thing because you’re manifesting this intention.
43:01
And I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but have you let me know if you haven’t?
43:06
But usually the thing that you need to heal is the exact thing that you need when you do step into that version of you, of you have an experience with a boss or a colleague or a mentor or something.
43:19
And it’s the that mirror of the wound that you needed to heal in order to step into this version of you and rewind.
43:25
I mean, even in my just like evolution of my career, right?
43:28
Like this career attunement that I’m stepping into like being a professional speaker, I want to be a speaker for five years.
43:34
Like, I mean, honestly, since I was probably 15, like if you ask my best friend, and it’s so funny how I’ve witnessed my own journey, I’ve had to heal all these other things before that became even more of a reality.
43:45
But there was like these like steps along the way.
43:48
And so it’s like universe God gives you every new thing to heal and like shadow work as the intention becomes different or evolves its shift in the direction that you were always meant to be.
44:00
It’s just, it has its, to me, I’ve always experienced, it has its own way, not the way that I think it’s supposed to get there.
44:07
100%.
44:08
Yeah.
44:08
Divine timing, divine all of it, right?
44:11
It’s just like the more you surrender to the how the easier it becomes to get to where you want to go.
44:18
And it goes back to like what we were saying earlier about when I had my season of being fully in my feminine.
44:23
I didn’t know how I was going to become the woman I am today.
44:27
And if I focus too much on the how I wouldn’t be here, the feminine cannot be learned.
44:34
She has to be felt and she has to be experienced and she has to, you have to just simply create space for the feminine to work through you the way she wants to, the more you try to come at it from an analytical way or a framework or a strategy or a course or what have you, you’re going to learn somebody else’s way of doing the feminine.
44:56
But the feminine is here to be expressed in 8 billion different ways in each and every single human in its uniqueness.
45:06
Something that when I saw this journey, you know, I was that typical analytical.
45:10
I was like, OK, I know this is my blue pri these are the things I need to heal and I would attack 11 by one and like thinking that OK, I’m going to attack it this way and I was that it had turned into like, well, I’m gonna search for the thing that I need to fix and then it turned into like I’m just gonna be with whatever my day to day shows me as needs to be healed versus me aly looking and searching and seeking to fix something.
45:35
Because if I the quote unquote, more healed that I got or the more fixed I got, the more blah, blah, blah spiritual I got and more whatever.
45:42
But to what you’re talking about, so much of the feminine and trusting and surrendering that in your day to day, you will get the whispers, the nudges the, the knocks on the door for what needs to be worked on at that point in your journey, not what you think needs to be healed because it’s often so different than what you think it is.
46:01
And it’s usually of us, it’s just that we’re so in our masculine and trying to make logic of it like you said, make sense of it versus just listening.
46:11
And so I know to be like, all right, this is what it is.
46:13
This is where I’m going with it, you know, and living like we’re here to live, we’re not here to just heal.
46:19
We’re not here to just like reach this destiny, like we’re here to enjoy the whole journey of the human experience, the ebbs and flows of life.
46:29
Like that’s how you actually embody enlightenment.
46:32
So good.
46:33
I love that.
46:35
Well, it has been such a pleasure having you on this podcast and I would love to learn, know how can anyone learn from you, connect with you and also what are your offerings like?
46:46
Tell them how they can work with you if you ever want if they ever feel called to you.
46:51
Yeah.
46:52
Thank you.
46:53
I do have Shakti Society, which is my 12 month mentorship to journey the sacred feminine and then allow yourself to rise and shine as your most authentic self, whether that is through building a platform for being a writer or a speaker or a podcast host, whatever road you take, this is the mentorship for you if you want to learn how to do the energy work so that you can unlock your authentic code and be magnetic A F.
47:22
And then I do have my one on one containers as well.
47:24
I have a three month mentorship where we get really deep into whatever is blocking you so that you can have the tools and the strategies to unlock your highest self.
47:36
What else do I have?
47:37
My, my podcast thriving in love.
47:39
I literally just like hit record and start channeling.
47:43
So you never know what you’re going to get.
47:44
It’s fun and I love it and it’s like my pride and joy to fully express whatever I have on my mind.
47:51
And then my Instagram, Sanna Akan, I’d love to talk to you guys in the D MS if you’re interested in chat.
47:57
Thank you so much.
47:58
I would love one last question is, what is your fullest expression, fullest express version of you look like this year.
48:08
I am working on my book.
48:11
So once I have my book deal and I’m on stages and that’s going to be like the thing that I’m working on this, for sure.
48:19
Amazing.
48:20
I love that so much.
48:21
Well, thank you so much for being on my podcast and I’ll be here supporting you from a distance.
48:26
I can’t wait to meet you fully in person coming up here.
48:30
So everyone know you’ll probably see us on Instagram.
48:32
Wow, this was such a great conversation and thank you so so much.
48:36
Oh, my gosh.
48:37
Thanks for holding the space for it.
