Full Transcript
0:00
Welcome to the fully expressed podcast with Karenna.
0:02
I am your podcast host, Karenna Soto.
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This is the show where we have conversations that invite you into living a life, fully expressed, really creating relationships and finding relationships where you feel like your most authentic selves, what it looks like to show up in your career and your business as you foolish expression.
0:21
I truly believe that we are here to constantly evolve and be a part of our own personal evolution.
0:27
And the part of that is fully expressing all parts of you, bringing all parts of you to the table in every room, every relationship, every aspect of your life and whatever that looks like and giving yourself permission to be fully you, which is such a gift in and really owning this fool you.
0:48
And today’s episode, we’re going to do a little solo session with me and we’re going to talk all about what it means to go first, what it means to be the first.
0:58
And this is such an important conversation because I think more and more of you that are listening to this are finding yourselves as probably one of the first or potentially some of the first that is taking the first steps to do life a little bit differently, to do things a little bit differently than your family, to do things a little bit differently than your community.
1:16
A little bit differently than your friends to do things a little bit differently than what your religion might have looked like.
1:22
And finding that out for yourself.
1:24
If you’re listening to this podcast, if you haven’t had a chance, there’s been some really good episodes released.
1:30
So make sure you go back.
1:31
We had a spiritual psychologist, Casey Stevens on the call with us on the show with us just a couple weeks ago.
1:39
And it was incredible.
1:41
I love that she was able to blend and harmonize the two worlds of spirituality and Western worlds, which I really think that, you know, our fullest expressed selves is a part of what our spiritual self is here to do.
1:54
And so really having her on the podcast was such a such a delight.
1:58
And then we had Sarah Baker on the conversation who also blends the worlds of coaching and therapy.
2:04
And there is this pattern that’s happening where people, people are saying that there is a blend of everything.
2:09
And I truly believe in that.
2:11
I really believe in duality.
2:12
I really believe in.
2:13
Yes.
2:13
And, and there’s just so much power in finding the secret ingredients that make the secret sauce to your life.
2:20
And you can tell from those two practitioners that they have found the benefits of what we get to learn today in our modern day.
2:27
But they’re also bringing the benefits and the lessons and the key takeaways and the practices from all of these other healing modalities.
2:36
And so if you haven’t had a chance to listen to those, I really, really recommend that you take a chance to listen to those episodes, whether you’re someone that is open to learning more about yourself, you know, maybe you’re wanting the permission to blend worlds, maybe you are really on this search of really finding what it means to be fully expressed and all those different podcast episodes were just so solid.
2:57
So make sure you go back and listen to those and then upcoming.
3:00
We have some really juicy episodes with just a few guests that are going to be one of them is one of my really good friends.
3:07
There’s a new internet friend that I just met and her energy and I are just so good and we’re actually going to meet in L A soon and I can’t wait to have her on the podcast.
3:17
So there’s just so much that’s coming up.
3:19
And again, if you find this podcast helpful, please share it with a friend, invite your friends into these rooms.
3:26
You know, sometimes all it takes is someone inviting and then that person will take your hand and move it forward and you know, this, this podcast is so much about you finding your way, your unique way, whatever your authentic blueprint looks like, whatever your authentic secret sauce ingredients look like they’re meant to be here in this world.
3:47
And that is a lot of what this podcast is meant to tell.
3:50
Everyone is meant to invite people into your most foolish expressed self as you’re living this life into your personal evolution.
3:59
So, thank you so much for being here.
4:01
So let’s dive into the episode where we get to talk about what it means to be first.
4:05
And this is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and, and the reason I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately is because I feel like I’ve every, every new level that I step into, if you want to say, I hate calling them levels, but that’s what it feels like these, these upgrades that I go through or these seasons of optimizing and stepping into more and being been wanting to play bigger and the more that I own my most authentic self, the closer that I get to realizing what’s meant for me and the more that I practice leading into what’s meant for me and feel more confident in doing that, there’s always these, these underlying fears and that come up in every, every level that I play.
4:45
And I think this is just a part of the personal evolution game that we’re here to play, right?
4:50
This is a part of life, every chapter looks a little bit differently and people are going through it in different ways.
4:56
And so what does it mean to go first?
4:58
And the way that I like to describe it is like, you know, maybe, are you the first to, to want things differently in your friend group?
5:05
Are you one of the first want to do things differently in your family?
5:08
Are you one of the first who want to do differently than your community?
5:12
So maybe you’re in a community of moms, maybe you’re in a community of single people, maybe you’re in the community of single dads.
5:19
And what does that look like or whatever that looks like whatever community you associate yourself with, like, maybe you want to start doing things differently because the way that you say that things are they’re doing, it might not be the way that you want to do it or what’s working for you or you see a better way or you see a different way to optimize your process.
5:38
This can also look like being first in your culture, being first in your religion, being the first in your family, being the first among your brothers and sisters, being the first around women being the first around men.
5:53
I mean, there’s so much about being first and I think we can all relate to this in so many different ways.
5:58
It’s just if you’re listening to this podcast on some, on some wavelength like you truly believe that there’s more for you.
6:05
You are definitely curious of what that actually looks like.
6:08
You are wanting to step into the most authentically expressed version of you.
6:13
And in doing that, you know, the parts of you that want to keep you where you’re at are, are going to play a part.
6:21
And one of that is the desire to stay connected and the desire to belong.
6:25
And when you are going first, you’re challenging a lot of that.
6:29
You are, you’re putting on the table, the risk of no longer belonging in the rooms that you’re in, no longer belonging in the relationships that you’re in, no longer belonging in the communities that you’re in in the way that you relate to them today.
6:43
And so you’re, there’s going to be a shift in that.
6:47
And before I even tell you how to work through all that, I want, I want you to imagine when you know what is possible is every time you do break through these up levels, these chains and want to step into more for you.
7:03
You attract a whole new community in that, right?
7:07
The rooms look differently, the relationships look differently, the standard that you are holding, looks differently and it tends to meet you in that.
7:15
But you got to be willing to and to take that risk to step into that, to step into wanting to play bigger, to be in different rooms, to be in different stages to relate differently in your relationships, what that is with family and religion.
7:30
And there’s a sense of curiosity, but no one really talks so much about the process of shedding the parts of you that are scared to no longer belong in this cozy lifestyle.
7:43
I have experienced this over and over and over again with every new version that I want to step into.
7:50
And, you know, as I look back at the past versions of me, there’s past versions of me that I didn’t like, there’s past versions of me that I truly admire and there’s, there’s past versions of me that I miss and the most current versions of me feel the most me and in doing that, you know, I had to be willing to let go of the past versions of me.
8:11
But that also meant let go of the past connected parts of me.
8:16
And what is the parts of my world, the parts of my community, how I’m relating to life, how I’m doing life like there is this sense of being able to let that go.
8:26
And in the past, what I have done when I first started stepping into truly evolving and wanting to find who I was.
8:35
You know, I really leaned in on my mindset and my willpower.
8:39
I leaned into my power and my strength and I was like, your girl is going to push herself through this because I am better than that.
8:48
And I just used my internal willpower, but I didn’t necessarily get all the parts of me on board.
8:54
I just didn’t know how to embody that experience.
8:56
I wasn’t really curious with the fears.
8:58
I wasn’t curious with what was coming up for me.
9:01
I didn’t know how to step into those newer versions of me without being unattached without getting hurt.
9:08
And I just pushed through those experiences and what I have learned in doing that is as much as mindset and and is such an important fact to transformation.
9:18
I also truly know that there is this special embodiment that comes along with it.
9:23
And the hard part is when you are starting to take things more slow and you want to take a much more integrated approach to your transformation is that there is a sense of deep grieving that comes from grieving.
9:36
The old parts of you life hack that changed my life, start dancing every single day.
9:43
So what does this actually mean?
9:45
I’m saying?
9:46
Get up and start dancing, find music that tunes into the frequency of where you’re at.
9:56
Honestly, you can also use this as a way to dance to music that you want to feel into dance.
10:04
Dance more in your life.
10:06
This is going to thematically, allow you to release emotions, get energy moving.
10:10
But it also just brings so much aliveness to your life.
10:13
If you add more dancing into your life, trust me, life is going to change.
10:18
Do this.
10:19
Thanks for listening.
10:21
It’s so much easier to run a million miles an hour and not be with those different parts of you.
10:25
But they do end up catching up to you.
10:27
And I have felt that in different ways and as I’ve been stepping into bigger versions of me, I’ve been like, truly grieving my life today.
10:36
What does that actually look like grieving the community that I’ve built grieving all of this and the way that I realize that it’s not that I’m necessarily grieving it and saying goodbye, it’s just, I’m stepping into a new life that I want to step into.
10:52
And, you know, you know, being first in that comes with a lot that we don’t talk about and that’s what I really want to talk about on this episode today is, is really diving deep into what does it look like to go first?
11:05
And so as you’re going first, the very first thing that you’re going to have is an idea.
11:10
You’re going to have an idea of where you want to go.
11:12
There’s going to be something that admire that you are attracted to.
11:15
There is going to be something that you look at someone and you’re like, oh, I’m so inspired that they do that or that they see the life in this way or maybe you read something and you’re like, oh, this is very interesting.
11:26
So it starts with an idea.
11:28
It starts with a thought.
11:30
It starts with an admiration.
11:32
It starts with some sense of excitement.
11:34
And then after you hear the excitement, after you hear the, oh my gosh, I really want to go after that or I really want to lean in this way or I really want that or I really want to do things differently.
11:45
Then all the what ifs and the buts come in, you know?
11:48
Well, what if this person looks at me differently for leaving in this?
11:53
What if someone looks at me differently for wanting to step into this room?
11:58
What if someone looks at me differently for doing business in this way?
12:02
What if I can no longer connect with the team that I’m on?
12:06
Because the, the work that I’m doing no longer rests with me.
12:09
What if they don’t love me?
12:11
What if I don’t get to be with them anymore?
12:13
What if by me stepping into these versions of me, my friends are gonna be further away and I won’t be able to be connected with them and I no longer resonate with them because I’m no longer thinking the same things and no longer doing in the same things all of that can come up in that and those are all of the fears that we start to become aware of.
12:34
And I like to take a much more integrated approach to this.
12:37
It’s like really being with each of those truly understanding where they’re coming from, welcoming them, being with them, feeling them and almost like greening them and allowing them to move through.
12:47
And then as you start to work through that you could hold the vision to, what does it look like moving forward?
12:54
What I going to attract?
12:55
How am I going to feel?
12:56
And there’s this dance in between being with and then the vision which I’ve talked before on this podcast.
13:02
But when you are going first, you are setting the new standard.
13:05
When you are going first and doing business differently, you’re setting the new standard for yourself.
13:11
When you are going first and wanting to rate changes in your relationship, the way that you’re doing, you are creating space for a new way of doing relationship, a new way of relating when you were going first and wanting to educate your community, maybe it’s your religion, your culture, whatever that looks like and allow them to see a different perspective that they didn’t do.
13:33
You were basically creating space.
13:36
You were saying that, hey, you guys are all in this box.
13:39
But what if we were to step out of the box?
13:41
What if we could make the box bigger?
13:43
What if we could actually be?
13:44
There’s no limits, no boundaries in that.
13:47
And in doing that, you are challenging the perspectives, the beliefs, the way that someone does something, the way that they seek comfort, the way that they, that they find it quote unquote successful to their lives today.
14:01
And so there is this sense of you are up against battle.
14:04
You are creating the new standard and I don’t know what it is about that, that it’s so inspiring that you can make that box bigger that you can create the space for more.
14:16
And in that, you also got to get comfortable with the fact that you are taking space for that you are welcoming, that you’re wanting to set the tone.
14:26
You are wanting to show people that there is another way.
14:29
And even if it’s not for other people, you are showing yourself that there is another way.
14:35
You are creating space for the limits and the boundaries and the capacity that you have internally.
14:41
You are stepping into new steps that you’ve never taken, you are putting on new shoes that you’ve never put on before you are wearing different clothing.
14:52
They can all look, these are all symbols of what I’m talking about.
14:57
And it’s like, well, why do we want to go first?
15:00
And the biggest thing that I always come back to is like, are you doing it for everyone else or are you doing it for you?
15:05
And if you’re doing it for you, that’s all that matters because your, well being your personal evolution, your fullest expression, the way you want to show up in your life, whatever whisper is that God gives you or whatever doors come knocking, they’re not knocking on everyone else’s door, they’re knocking on your, it wants you to listen to it, the ideas that come through.
15:33
Yes, there’s going to be ideas that float through that you just take note of.
15:37
But the ideas that constantly come back, they’re the ones that you want to listen to.
15:43
They’re the ones that are going to lead you to that next step.
15:45
They’re the ones that are going to lead you to that next path.
15:48
The next part of your journey that you don’t even know it’s there yet.
15:52
And there’s so much excitement in that.
15:55
There’s so much beauty in that.
15:57
There’s so much thrill and adventure in that and so much possibilities for you.
16:03
It’s just the willing to go first.
16:05
And so if you’re listening to this, whether it’s the willing to go first in these bigger spaces with community relationships, family and so on, it’s also the willing to go first for yourself.
16:17
It’s the willing to go first for yourself, for you, for no one else.
16:22
Who else are you doing this for?
16:23
It’s your expansion.
16:25
It’s your evolution, it’s your life.
16:29
We have one life in this world, you guys.
16:31
And I constantly think about this all the time.
16:33
And I think to myself when I get to that point in my life where I transition out of this world, do I want to feel like I lived fully that I brought every part of me to the table that I express myself in every way.
16:50
And I leaned to every challenge and I felt the reward of doing hard things and being the first.
17:00
Do I feel complete in that and whatever that looks like for you?
17:04
And truthfully when I get to that point, I want to feel so fulfilled.
17:08
The number one thing that you hear from people right before their deathbed, they say, I wish I didn’t work as much, but I lived more.
17:16
There’s always, I wish, I wish and I want to get to a point where I’m like I did it all.
17:20
I did everything I felt called to.
17:22
I don’t have anything.
17:23
I wish I feel complete and unpleasant and I’m happy I lived fully, I brought myself fully to this life.
17:30
I brought myself fully to my relationships.
17:32
I brought myself fully to my family.
17:34
I brought myself fully to what I was meant to do on this earth.
17:38
And this is a part of what it means to go first.
17:42
You’ve got to be willing to go first.
17:44
And so being first holds a sense of responsibility and it holds one of the most beautiful artistic, creative, ecstatic expansions and growth and spiritual connection to God, the divine, the source, whatever that is by allowing yourself to go first to put yourself out there and going first.
18:10
So go first for you, for your personal volition, for your soul, for the life that you were given on this earth.
18:18
That is what God gave us the gift to do.
18:21
He didn’t say, hey, come to earth and be like, stick yourself.
18:25
And this is what you’re going to be like he said, evolve, experience, explore adventure, be willing to connect, find presents.
18:33
All of that requires you giving yourself permission to go first.
18:38
You giving yourself permission to be fully you, you giving parts of yourselves all of the permission to go first.
18:45
And in that you will find a sense of fulfillment, intent, satisfaction, present grace, love for you.
18:57
And I got tears in my eyes to thinking about it because the love that you continue to pour into yourself and every part of you that is so present is the love that will not only overflow through you, but it’s the love and the celebration and the encouragement and the presence that you will share with others, but you gotta learn how to do it for you.
19:24
So give yourself permission and then by that you are an invitation for others to also give themselves the permission to be first for themselves.
19:34
So thank you so much for listening today to the episode.
19:38
I also wanna invite you into joining the fully expressed community that we have online.
19:44
There is a monthly container where we meet every second Wednesday of every month at 530 pst.
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It is such a great container of women.
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I love our conversations.
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We have taboo conversations, we feel safe with one another.
20:01
We’re exploring the edges of different topics and different guests get to come in once a quarter.
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And it’s literally such a gift to be surrounded by all these women that are wanting more for themselves, are interested in exploring that for themselves, are wanting community.
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And this is a virtual community that you get to tap into.
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It’s like an opportunity for you to check in with yourself is an opportunity for you to connect.
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It’s an opportunity for you to connect with other women that are on the same path as you.
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So if you’re interested in that, send me ad m that I am kind of soto and I would love to connect to you and send you more information.
20:40
It’s only $27 a month.
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So it is such an easy opportunity for you to dive in and get connected right away.
20:47
So with that being said, I hope you enjoy this week, this month and you give yourself the opportunity to go first.
20:56
So sending you lots of love into your week and thank you so much for being here.
