Full Transcript
0:00:00 – Speaker 1
Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast with Karenna. I am your podcast host, Karenna Soto. I am so happy to have you here. The full intention for this podcast is to be an invitation for you to fully express yourself in life, relationship and business and to continue on this personal evolution as you continue to live your life in those areas. I promise to you to always bring these raw, transformative, vulnerable, transparent, deep and factual supportive conversations to you. That is my intent for this podcast and on this episode today, I give you some light into what it was like for me as a high achiever, what it looked like to start healing from burnout and what you can actually start doing if you are on this path of go, go, go, giving your all, feeling like you never have space for you and you’re always craving this me time but feel like you have to show up in the world or you should show up in the world, and so I’m really excited for this episode. Feel free to tune in, listen in and here we go, let’s dive in.
So today I was reflecting on just what this month has been like for me, and this month has genuinely been finally a month where I feel like I am proactive in my to-dos. I feel very grounded and present with every activity or task that I’m doing and, for the most part, have created a lot of space to be. This is the biggest one. I am feeling a lot of space in my life and what does that mean to me? Basically? Really getting to a place in my life where I am present whenever my partner’s around. I am so present with my friendships. So if I go on a walk with a girlfriend, or if I’m talking to them on the phone, or if I’m on a girl’s trip, or if I’m going to a bachelorette party or if I’m at a wedding, I’m super present with those experiences. I’m fully, fully available to you with the feelings of love and gratitude and in giving and in receiving and all of those exchanges. And it wasn’t always like that. As I’m starting, obviously I don’t know why I tend to do this, but I can just feel the tears come up in my eyes Because before I really started diving deep into my high achieving patterns, my high functioning anxiety and this attachment to how much I work, how much I produce to find how worthy I am, so I was really attaching my worth to how much I did, how much I accomplished, how much I did for my friends and how much I showed up and it’s a whole long story but to give you some light into what it was like for most of my career.
So, outside of being a coach, outside of having my own business, I also started a life in corporate. I was in corporate and while I was in corporate I really did everything and everything as possible, like I raised my hand for every task because I wanted to learn, I wanted to put myself out there, I wanted people to guide me so I can learn more, so I can basically grow up that corporate ladder. And I did exactly that. And so, from a work perspective, I looked very successful. I was checking a lot of the boxes, I was creating a lot of relationships, I was closing a lot of deals. I was very involved with my company and I became one of those people that really relied on. I really took on this Runtz’s responsibility of give me any task or if you need help or if I need a solid problem, I was the one diving deep into the leads of that and it has been blessing too. So in the corporate space the company that I worked for I really did know the ins and outs. I’m a very important person to the company, right, because I have a lot of history, a lot of knowledge, I have a lot of experience on navigating all kinds of things.
But on the outside it looked like a lot of me working in the car on the way to a girls trip, or me hanging out with a friend and saying, hey, can I come over if we hang out, but then can I just get like an hour on my computer. Or me checking my phone every single morning and looking at emails. Like looking at emails became this checklist, right. Like I needed to work on the weekends. I worked all hours of the day. There were some days that I was working so hard until like 10 am and 12th am, and I used a lot of the reasons of we’re a startup company, right. Who else is going to do the work? I have to get this done, like if I don’t get this done, we won’t move the needle forward.
And there was just, like all this pressure that I put on myself, and not just that, I didn’t want to let anyone else down and so truly, truly, just really indebted in that and how I also looked in my life. It was also another way that showed up in my fitness. So with my workouts I was very committed to my fitness and how I looked and what I looked like in my health, and I wanted to do everything at 100%. So I really kind of put a lot of pressure on myself. I put a lot of pressure on me till I show up perfectly, to show up on every aspect and do all these things. The days that I did not do all these things so the days that I didn’t make it to the gym at 5 in the morning, or the days that I didn’t do the thing I wanted to do at work, for example my whole day would shift.
I would be so hard on myself, my mood would go down, I would think I was less than, and then I would revert back to OK, let’s start from the beginning, let’s set a new habit, new routines. Go back to my notebook and I would write it all down, and then I’d set myself new goals and new intentions and I never really took the time to be with. Why am I so hard on myself? I never looked into that part. I just got harder on myself.
I just more pressure on myself to execute, and so that really took place for a very long time, probably ever since I graduated from college, so six, seven years, and that was my day, every day, right, I was always exhausted and the last thing that really, I think, kept me in my exhaustion or kept me in these loops was always thinking about the next thing what’s the next thing that I can do, what’s the next thing I can help with? And it was very unconscious and I will say that a part of me like truly enjoyed being in that space, like there are parts of me that craved that go, go, go, that busyness, that next thing, that like that pressure, that overwhelmed, like that adrenaline rush of of being in it. Like there are definitely parts of me that enjoyed that. And even at points in my life, like I celebrated those parts of me. I was like, yeah, damn right, I’m a hard worker, damn right, I can get shit done. Yeah, for sure, I can show up, I am committed. Or like if I, if I chose a new diet, like execute on that. Like if I decided to dive into personal development, I went 100%, all in, all out.
And it really wasn’t coming from a place of for my own good, it was. It was coming to prove something. It was coming from a place of how can I show myself that I’m worth it, how can I show the world that I’m worth it? How can I, how can I receive everyone’s validation? And you know, the way that I got validation, if you will, was if I succeeded, if I got these things. The shitty part was that the more that I succeeded, the less that it mattered. Almost like I was like, oh yeah, that’s no big deal, and I did follow it at the cycle of not really wanting to talk about my work.
It was. It was one of those things where success every milestone or every moment or every next thing that I accomplished wasn’t that big of a deal. Like to me, it wasn’t that big of a deal because I wanted more. It just wasn’t enough and I never shared that with, like my friends or my family or my relationships. There were even parts of me that felt like I didn’t want to celebrate myself because I didn’t want to look better than everyone else. You know, as I’m sharing this, like I could feel myself just the irony and, at the end of the day, like the energy behind all of those actions felt very intense, felt very contracted, felt very focused and hyper vigilant and you know, go, go, go. If I, if I really think back to it, like I really didn’t wasn’t connected to my breath, I didn’t feel my breath, I didn’t do all those things. And you know there was lots of ups and downs, lots of I feel great, I feel not good enough, I feel good enough, amazing to I’m nothing and my negative self talk like was so, so loud and I don’t think I really realized at the time but I was really really hard on myself, so so hard on myself and you know, as I, you know biggest thing that honestly none of that stuff was a big enough deal for me until my health really really took a turn.
So a few years ago I started to literally like pass out at 3pm Like I would get up and try and work out. I was drinking as shit ten of cat feed and drinking all the energy drinks of all the pre workouts just to get my workouts in, because I literally did, had no energy to show up for my workouts and I was like I need to be at the gym by X the time. And you know I really put that into my daily routine and but I was drinking all the caffeine. I was barely eating, and if I was eating, I was eating foods that weren’t necessarily supporting a balanced diet, right Like they were for me at the time. I was also navigating and eating disorders. So I was. I wasn’t eating the best foods. I wasn’t really thinking about my nutrition, I was just thinking about getting shit done and looking a certain way, and so finally, my, my body decided that I couldn’t keep up.
So, no matter how much coffee I drank, I started to pass out at like 3pm and I vividly remember that 3 o’clock was my worst nightmare. It was the time that I got super anxious every day. It was the time that I literally just wanted to take a nap. I couldn’t keep my eyes closed anymore. I couldn’t. I couldn’t show up for any of my meetings. I just could not do more.
And you know, at this point I also felt so alone in those moments, right, and my mind would spiral as to like oh my gosh, why am I not doing more? I should be doing more, but I really need to sleep. I want to sleep and really my body took over and that’s when I experienced probably extreme, extreme burnout and I started almost like my ears perked up and it was like, and something in me told me hey, karina, like you can’t keep living like this. Your body is exhausted, you are exhausted and I remember so heartedly, believing that there has to be a better way, because I cannot continue to live my life like this. I think at the time maybe I was 26, 27 years old and I was already burnt out. I was like, holy shit, if I keep going like this. Then I was 50 to 60, 80, 70 years. Hold on, I want to live to 100, of course, or more, who knows.
But like, taking that into perspective, I was like, holy fuck, don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life. Really don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be exhausted every day. I don’t want to be hard on myself every day. I don’t want to constantly put these really intense expectations on myself every single day.
And that was the day that I finally started to just peel back the layers. So I signed up for a gut hormone rehab program, went through the process by myself, started to learn and just really started to create a different relationship for me. We started with food, with my health and in really changing the perspective from like I need to look a certain way on the outside to like how am I really feeling? And that did not just apply to just my body image, that applied to everything in my life. I was like I can be successful to everyone internally, or like I could look I’m on it to all my coworkers at work. But if I don’t feel good on the inside, like if I don’t really, if I’m like literally dying it feels like, or absolutely exhausted or miserable at the end of the day, then why is any of that worth it? Like truly, and it just wasn’t, it really wasn’t.
And so I think the day like if I really liked back to like I wasn’t freaking happy, I was a lot, I felt very alone, I was really critical about myself, I was very all the things and I wasn’t really confident. I was super shy and and, yes, I worked with like a different character that I stepped into. But until the day, like my day to day it’s not feel good, I didn’t feel seen, I didn’t feel loved, I didn’t feel grounded, I didn’t feel confident, I felt stretched all the time, exhausted all the time and, yeah, didn’t feel good. And so I dove deep into healing my relationship with myself and really starting to shift from like I need to do more in order to feel good where I want to accomplish more in order to feel great about myself. And the ways that I did that and this is you know why I really want to share with you that you’re listening today is, first, is letting you know that it is possible, it is possible to and it is available to you to feel clear, focused, grounded, stable, proactive, not like you’re running from one thing to the next all the time, not like you’re less than if you accomplish more or do less, like all of that is very possible and the way that it translates into life and into relationships and into business is.
Just just imagine for a second being able to feel your life like seeing every moment as the most clear, beautiful moment you have right, being able to look at it optimistically, but also not just see it and have a context of that, but actually believing it in your body. And with business, whether you’re in corporate or whether you are an entrepreneur or doing your own thing, you’re able to show up to your computer and to your job and to the things that you want to bring birth into this world your passions, from a place of okay, I’m here, I get to create, I feel safe, I get to give my all. I love this. I feel grounded, I feel safe, I’m not rushing, I’m fully present with this moment, that I’m giving this time with work and fully responding to emails, or fully responding to client calls, or fully responding and being present with my coworkers, or fully responding and being present with my team. It’s this harmony that you find in creation to delivery and that is available to you in your business, that is available to you in that and however you show up, whether that’s in corporate or whether that’s in having your own space, and then separately. How does this translate into relationships? What I would?
I realize, especially with relationships, and I did everything that I could. When I came to my relationships, I spread myself very thin. I showed up for every single call. I made sure I met my relationships in the way that they needed or wanted, but I completely forgot about me and that and at the end of the day, it still looked like I was half asking my friendships. They felt like, you know, I did give them my all, but I wasn’t fully present with every conversation or every experience or every moment.
And now I don’t necessarily think that there is a pressure to be super present with every moment in relationship, but I do feel like there is a calmness that we can bring to our minds while being with someone. So like for me, this energy of high function, anxiety, thinking about the next thing, high achiever, constantly accomplishing. That showed up in my time with my friends. That showed up in my time with my relationships. So like, as they were talking, as we were doing something together, I was thinking about oh my gosh, I have to do the laundry tomorrow before I go to this meeting, because if I don’t do this meeting by then, then I won’t be able to do this by then. And then I have to work on this email, and then I have to work on this presentation, and then I have to follow up with all my clients. And it was just this constant thing of like making sure that I could fit everything in. And by thinking about that, like I was in my head more than I was in my body when it came to being in relationship with someone.
And I’ll continue to talk about this, you know, as I am a focus on the life and relationships as a coach, as a mentor and as a speaker is that, when it comes to relationship, people want presence. Your partner, whether they are female or male, they want your presence and whether the other person could put words or no words to it, they can feel when you are present and when you are not present with them. And when I say presence, I’m saying all kinds of presence. I’m not just saying grounded presence. I’m saying being able to be present with whatever is going on in your body, whatever is going on for you in that moment, and inviting them into that experience with you if you feel safe, and also being able to see them and their beauty and their experience and their conversation and what they’re sharing with you, without you thinking about the million things that you have to check off. Because when you can find presence with your body and their experience or with your experience and their experience, again you find harmony in the relationship. You find this beautiful back and forth that feels safe and seen and loved and both partners feel wow, yeah, we’re here, we’re in it together, you know, and that, honestly, was probably the biggest gift that I received in my life.
So, for the most part, when I was dating, for example, as a high-acheter, I didn’t give myself like, yeah, I was present with them, but I also kind of looked at it as something I had to do. Or you know, I brought in that having to do kind of masculine energy into the relationship and I didn’t really surrender into the masculine. And, for those of you listening, I am a female, she, and used pronouns she, her, and so I was literally looking for and I am, I date him, I’m in a relationship with the masculine, the him, the him he pronouns and the male human body, and so when I was in, I wasn’t really able to fall into my feminine when it came to surrendering in relationships. And it’s all connected, you guys, you know. So this is what I’m just trying to share with you is that there was all of this masculine energy.
For me that was all about structure, due, forceful stubbornness in life, in business, in relationships, and it really didn’t create the balanced harmony of the masculine and the feminine or the flow and the surrender of life and the presence of being with, and so those kind of show you what’s available to you and so how do you actually get there, what do you actually do? And for someone that is listening and realizes all this, the very first thing I want you to invite you to is first get to a place of recognizing how this thing benefits you and what is it costing you. So this state of being that you’re in when you are in this high-functioning fight or flight, high achiever type element, or being putting your pressure on yourself to show it perfectly, or putting pressure on yourself to execute, or putting pressure on yourself to succeed, or putting pressure on yourself to show up in a certain way and doing it all right, so doing all that and leaving yourself burnt out through, with little capacity left. When you’re in those states, you take down a piece of paper and ask yourself, like, how does this benefit me right now? What is this giving me? And then, on the other side of that piece of paper, you answer the question of what is this costing me? What is this taking me away from? What is this creating that is creating tension or friction in my life? And write that down and just see that first and just become aware of that. That’s the very first step. And then the second is once you’ve become, you are able to acknowledge it, you’re able to become aware of it, accept that it’s happening, accept the fact that this is true and then get to a place of making a deep commitment to yourself, knowing that it is possible to shift this.
But it is possible to show up in life and relationship and business from a place of capacity to give versus not and start there and really anchor into your intention your commitment. Your commitment is going to be everything. You have to genuinely believe this, because when you start to do this work I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be freaking hard. You are comfortable in this Right now. Your comfortability is in go, go, go, being over rounds, being that high achiever and succeeding. That is what you feel safe in and that is where your ego is going to want to keep you.
Now, when you start to shift that, when you start to transform what that looks like, have these many breakthroughs, it’s going to be really uncomfortable, I’m not going to lie. It’s going to be really freaking uncomfortable. And in being uncomfortable, that’s when you’re going to be the most challenged, that’s when you’re going to get received with the biggest questions and those are going to be the biggest opportunities for you to start to choose something different which goes back to your level of commitment to this, because, as much as you’re conscious of this, there’s a lot of the unconscious that lives in the subconscious. A lot of your unconscious, your somatic responses, your nervous system responses are going to search for the thing that makes it feel safe. It’s going to search for the thing that it knows. And so when you’re starting to shift this, there has to be a level of desire, of willingness, of curiosity, of commitment and, lastly, grace and compassion. As you show up for this journey of shifting this, there is going to be a whole new level of love for yourself and grace and compassion. I truly believe, when it comes to the healing journey, in all freaking aspects aside from this, but this really well, and it fits in here too Grace is your biggest medicine. Giving yourself grace and learning how to show up compassionate for yourself in the middle of transforming these really big patterns, you know, is the biggest thing to come back to. And so, yes, that is one thing.
And then next, as you start to shift this, start with one thing at a time. So if you find yourself, for example, let’s start with like, over committing your schedule, I’m going to say start there, start putting space in your calendar, Start recognizing, like, what kind of energy you have to give for the next meeting or for the next commit that you have on your calendar, and what can you do to make sure you have the energy to do so? That’s one thing, and then the second thing is is, you know, getting to a place where, when you feel yourself in your body, you want to reach for more? Sit back and get curious about what that energy is, what that reaching is, that desire to do a lot. Keep going, even when you are exhausted, and ask yourself the question of do I have the capacity for this? What does my energy look like? Do a check in with yourself, do a quick, like, oh shit, yeah, I have all the capacity, let’s go, let’s show up. Or like, wow, I don’t have the capacity for this.
And the next level of that. If you find something else, way you know, very important or significant for you in your schedule of what’s coming up, prioritize that and ask yourself if I do this task or if I commit to this event, or if I show up this way, is it going to take away from the energy that I have to give in this space and this container? And the perfect example of that is if you are starting to prioritize yourself. For example, you can say you know I really want to show up and have capacity tomorrow and not feel like exhausted with my day and I want to show up and go on a walk and do all the things, but I know that if I overdo myself here tonight by going out tonight, I won’t be able to do that for myself, and so you get to make that choice If that’s something that you want to do.
Another example of that is like, let’s say, you are going on a date with someone, or you’re going on a date with your wife or husband or with your partner and you realize how important it is for you to be present in that relationship. Ask yourself, if I do this commitment today, will I have the capacity to show up for that relationship? That’s important to you. If there’s a really big business opportunity, meeting, commitment event coming up around the corner and you want to feel good about that, be proactive in asking yourself about the events that are leading up to that. Look at your calendar and say, hey, on Sunday I have this really big commitment for this opportunity and I want to feel grounded for that. I want to feel present for that. I don’t want to feel rushed for that. What can I do with the day before or the couple days before to make sure that I’m prepared for that? That is going to give you space to really show up and commit to the thing that you want to commit.
Then, lastly, I’ll say if you want to work into the subconscious patterns about what’s keeping you in this loop of giving so much or doing all the things or never having space for yourself and constantly creating space for yourself, I would highly suggest reaching out to a mentor or a coach or support and find accountability in that and not working with someone to show you your blind spots, to show you your subconscious patterns, to highlight the areas that you do not see. I think that would be the third thing, because I think for me that something that I have found that as being a high achiever, finding space or as being someone that was go, go, go all the time and doing all the things for everyone else, finding space on my calendar for me to be present with myself or to really check in with myself or to do anything like that of sorts, was really difficult for me when I did invest into something, whether that is a massage, whether that was energy work, whether that is a coaching program, whether that is one-on-one support with a mentor. Those became meetings that became a priority for me and I made them a priority. They were meetings with myself, meetings with my personal evolution, meetings with my fullest expression and my journey, that were just as important than everything else on my calendar. I really showed up for that, and creating those spaces for me has really been the biggest life change because they were check in points with me. I have started to do that with a lot of areas in my life, even finances, really investing in support and having these quarterly meetings with myself and with me and my mentor and that and my support system and that those things have really, really been a huge anchor for me.
The last thing that I really want to hone in on here before we close up here is you will start to want to shift and want to feel safe and behind me space for yourself. Most of the times, you’ve probably created that from a space of like, oh my gosh, I have literally nothing, so all I want to do is go out in nature or all I need is a massage or all I want to do is get my nails done, you create the space for that. That is coming from a place of I’ve reached my edge and now I need it. When you start to shift this, this to creating space for yourself, for your workouts or your walks or your natureing, for your grounding, for things that serve you, when you create space in your daily calendar, you’re going to want to fill it up with other things that you have to do. There is going to be this desire to like well, I have this space that I can fit in this one task that I’ve been wanting to do.
The challenge is going to be learning to feel comfortable in that space, and so that last thing I’ll say is like, as you start to create space for yourself, don’t just add more things to do in that space for you. Put things in there that serve you, put things in there that create joy, put things in there that ground you. Put things in there that regulate your nervous system, that help you be grounded in you. Don’t just add things to do because that’s what you need and, as a high functioning, if you’re high functioning anxiety or you were living in this place of energy of do, do, do, your subconscious and your ego is going to take you right back there. It’s going to say, hey, let’s go check off all these boxes. So there’s going to be huge shift for you to not do that, for you not to have to think about what’s next, for you not to think about what task you can check off, or for you not to think about what more you could do. It’s just a matter of being. So let’s start there and, honestly, let me know what you think of this podcast.
I was really feeling it on my heart today and I really, on this episode, I really felt like I wanted to share this with you guys because it’s just so top of mind today, and if you find any really key takeaways, please feel free to share them with me. So, if you haven’t already, go ahead and follow my Instagram page the fully expressed podcast and follow that Instagram handle. Send me a DM about what your takeaway was from this. If there’s something and, most importantly, if you found value in this, so you know a sister, a friend, a brother, a co-worker, a family member that you see is also in the same space as you, or you recognize that they could be doing the same thing, feel free to share this with them. You know, I think putting this into everyone’s hands is the invitation for not just yourself, but an invitation for them as well, and if you’re anything like me, I think about all the people all the time. So feel free to share this with them. Let it be something that you put on their desk or in their world or in their space and invite them to what’s more for them or what else is more available to them and for you.
Like I’m really excited for you if you start to make these shifts or define us a priority in life and want to show up with more space in your life and not so go, go, go and come from a place of grounded, stable and be successful from that place in all things life, relationship and business.
You know, share that with me. Let’s commit with it together. Tell me in the DMs that you are committed and I’ll support you, and that from a distance. And if you want further support, you know you can always reach out. But I’m just excited for you in this, and excited for you because, as you step into this journey, the last thing I will say, you will start to be able to be fully expressed. Right now, you might think you’re fully expressed from like a giving perspective, but when you can show up from a very grounded, balanced, regulated nervous system and present space, it gives you capacity to show up more as your fullest self, as your more authentic self, in all those areas of life. So yeah, all right, don’t forget to subscribe, looking forward to hearing from you and go do life with space, start creating space for you and take care of you.
