Full Transcript
0:00:00 – Speaker 1
Welcome to the Fully Expressed Podcast. I am your podcast host, Karenna Soto, and I’m so looking forward to today’s call. I’d like to introduce you to Bryn Daylor. Bryn Daylor is the Director of Growth for Soulfire Productions and a women’s coach. So, Bryn, thank you so much for being here today.
0:00:20 – Speaker 2
Yeah, thanks for having me. I’m so looking forward to our conversation and congrats on the podcast. I’m so happy to be here.
0:00:28 – Speaker 1
Thank you so much. Yeah, I’m so excited. I mean, our conversation today is going to be so connected to the birth of this podcast, so I’m so excited to have you here because it’s very similar to a lot of what I went through to even like to get to this place with this podcast.
0:00:43 – Speaker 2
So yeah, it’s such a special process to support women in birthing projects to life, and you know how connected we are to the birthing process at all times, even when it’s not a human, and so, yeah, I know those phases so well and I know what a big deal it is to finally put that out into the world. So I’m celebrating you in that.
0:01:07 – Speaker 1
Oh, thank you so much. No, I mean, the birthing process is something I wish that we all talked about some more too. Just like A, the identity shifts to get there, the undoing, the labels. So just like embodying any of the work that we at least that we want to step into with every project that we release to the community or a part of us, right? I feel like there’s this like transition period that not a lot of people talk about in the sense of like oh, there’s a whole, like you can have an idea, which is awesome, like have an idea and lean into it, but the process like fully embody the identity to launch that idea is a process.
0:01:45 – Speaker 2
Absolutely. Dreaming is easy. It’s easy to keep your head in the clouds. It’s really brave to take that idea from the clouds into reality, and I do that work individually and I do that work professionally. And you’re right your dream one of my best friends says this that your dream is perfectly curated to trigger you in all of the right ways. And I believe that at a soul level, that this is why we see people who have a deep, deep, deep dream to be like a TEDx speaker but are crippled by stage fright. It’s like what? Why didn’t God put those two together? But it’s the perfect manifestation of finally overcoming your fears and that’s usually a great way to know if it’s a dream on the right track is that it’s perfectly curated to trigger the absolute hell out of you.
0:02:40 – Speaker 1
No, it’s so true, at least like so. I love that you said that, because everything that I’ve ever stepped into has been something like so far on my reach. But there’s also this like deep knowing that that’s what I want. But getting on the way there, there’s definitely parts of me that take some time to get used to with where I’m going and get triggered and you’re like well, like, for example, like this podcast, like I feel so called to be a podcast host. I’ve been a speaker before, but when I go on stage sometimes I still get nervous and I still get butterflies and I’m like those are just beautiful signs or whispers of like me being on the right path, especially because there’s a crazy excitement that comes along with it too. It’s not just like dreadful or not necessarily something I really don’t want to do. It just sounds like there’s an excitement, but then there’s also all these butterflies or fears or edginess that comes with it as well.
0:03:27 – Speaker 2
It’s the tension of expansion and I think that’s where the real growth comes. Well, there’s so many types of growth and we were actually mentioning this before the podcast Because there’s also sometimes tension and learning how to be still, and not always, growing and expanding, and so, but yeah, I think it’s such a powerful skill to learn how to be in that tension and to not collapse under it and to hold it and to expand your ability to be with discomfort and not make it mean something about you other than maybe this is exactly where I’m supposed to be, not make it mean something about you.
0:04:04 – Speaker 1
Can you just get a little bit about that? Or like, what does that mean to you?
0:04:07 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I think, especially nowadays in the spiritual community, I think there’s this really deep phrase around being out of alignment and this idea of alignment and using alignment as an excuse to not be uncomfortable and what I really saw for myself, thinking about some of the past growth cycles I’ve had. They required deep stages of tension and discomfort and I could have looked at those stages and been like there’s something wrong, I’m out of alignment, this is too uncomfortable, or instead, I just really embraced it as a part of the process and I didn’t make it mean anything bad or wrong. If anything, I used it as affirmation that this is my next tension edge. And so, yeah, I think the making meaning piece to me comes down to looking at what’s happening and using it as an excuse to quit or seeing it as being called towards something greater. And, yeah, if you’re gonna make meaning, you might as well make it something empowering, right? Yeah?
0:05:12 – Speaker 1
so good and I love that. You also said that you made it as an affirmation. Right, it was almost like a yes, this is a part of it, this is a yes, keep leaning into it in this way, and you were able to receive it in that way, which is so beautiful, thank you, yeah, so one of the reasons why I totally reached out to you to be on this episode or for this show was because you had shared that you were going through, had been in a box and wanted to expand that box, really wanting to grow kind of somewhere to what we’re talking about. And I was going through some similar phase too and I was like, oh my gosh, I would love for you to come on here and talk about this, but I’d love to kind of share and that was a few months ago.
I don’t know where you’re at today, but I would love to share, if you’re open to like how did you identify that you were in a box? Like first, like how did you even know that you were in a box? Or like did it come to you like already wanting to expand? I mean like then noticing that you were in a box, like what was that process for you and peeling that back for yourself. Yeah, that’s a great question.
0:06:10 – Speaker 2
So I started to work for myself about gosh eight months ago. I’ve been an entrepreneur on and off my entire life and usually my role has been being somebody’s right-hand woman, where I helped to grow and start the business. I’ve always been connected to birthing things, so bringing it back full circle. I love the energy of bringing something into the world, and so as far back as I can remember, I’ve been someone’s right-hand woman, and about eight months ago I got to this place where I thought you know what? This isn’t making sense. The numbers aren’t adding up. I’m really ready to just see what’s gonna happen when I take that leap into the unknown and see what I’m made of. And especially nowadays, it’s become cool and popular to start your own business and to own your career and to work for yourself and to be an entrepreneur, and so I certainly felt the pressure of that being an Austin. But more than anything, I really just wanted to see what would happen, and I would say that initial leap was really beautiful. The money flowed, things were really exciting and shiny and new, and then, at around the six month mark, I started to notice that my energy was just being so drained by being alone as a solopreneur and I’m really big on following energy and following the pull, the excitement, the intuition, whatever you wanna call it, and I’m very aware at all times what is energy rich state and what is an energy poor state, and usually that’s the first marker for me that something’s gone astray is that I start to get into these states where the energy feels dead or dry or lacking, or even like repulsion. Right, there’s like an energy of repulsion present, and so and I also have been around long enough to know it doesn’t always mean that it’s time to completely quit or pivot, but something wants my attention, and so I started to notice it was really hard to show up online. My energy, my creative juices were drying up. I felt uninspired, unmotivated, and so I just started to take notice of that. I didn’t make it again. I didn’t make it mean anything. It wasn’t like okay, I must quit my job and start something new. The past version of me honestly probably would have done that.
I’ve leaned into intuition, meaning that I had to, like, take a leap of faith in the moment and rip the bandaid, and I think a lot of people in the coaching industry lean towards that when they’ve learned that my nervous system needs more time and spaciousness to release it with something. And so I started to observe and I started to question. I started to ask myself, like what’s here for me Right, instead of this applies in relationship to my partner. Instead of being accusatory, I got curious, like what is here for me? And so I started to track where my energy wanted to flow organically, and what I noticed was that anytime I went to share because I previously worked solely in intimacy coaching, so this looked like supporting women and couples in looking at their emotional intimacy and physical intimacy and what I noticed was I had just gone on this really beautiful trip with my partner and in the past I was really excited and motivated to share, share by experience, share my trip, share our learnings from our relationship and all of a sudden, I felt resentful.
I was like I don’t want to tell anyone. I feel really private right now and I was really curious as to why that was. You know, was it my cycle? Was it just again like a phase that I was going through? And then I went to an event and I started to really unpack and it was an event, an energetic event, and this name is Donnie Epstein and he does.
0:09:57 – Speaker 1
I just got back from Network Immersion Weekend last weekend.
0:10:00 – Speaker 2
No way I love Network Spinal. Although special, it’s changed my life in every capacity.
0:10:08 – Speaker 1
Oh, my gosh. Me too. I did it for like maybe six months here in San Diego and I was like this is the best. I just love that practice. Meting withality.
0:10:17 – Speaker 2
So I will solving it from the rooftops. It’s yeah, it’s a powerful thing. I’ve ever found so shameless plug for Network Spinal.
0:10:26 – Speaker 1
Yeah, all right. Ladies, if you are listening in, this is for you. If you have a friend or family member that is female, that is looking for community, that is looking at this path of growth and wanting to evolve as a human being, please listen in. So I wanna share with you the Fully Express community. If you haven’t heard about it, you need to hear about it, and you’re hearing about it today and I’d love for you to check it out. The Fully Express community is for women, supporting women. We have created a community where you can connect with other women that are also on this path of growth, that are interested and curious about what else is available to them. They want to see themselves living a life fully express in their lives and their relationships and their business. They wanna bring their fully authentic self into all areas of their lives so they can actually attract a life and relationships and careers and business that is so aligned to them because they are living a life fully express.
In the Fully Express community we meet online every single second Wednesday for every single month at 5.30 pm PST and also have access to a Slack channel where I draw resources, where we share information, we talk about the community. We create community. You also get access to not only the guest coaches that have been on this podcast, but also guest coaches that I have kept waiting to show you what they have to share with you when it comes to their teachings and their practitioners. So you’re not only gonna listen for me, but you’re also gonna learn from these amazing human beings that are available to you out there and here to share their gifts with you so you can live a life fully expressed.
The Fully Express community is only $27 a month and if you leave a review on this podcast, I will actually give to you one month to come. Join us for free in the Fully Express community to actually experience what it means to be in this community and these women. So if you go leave a review for me, I’ll go do that. You can also find more information in the show notes about the Fully Express community and I hope to see you there in next month, the next second Wednesday that is available to you, to be surrounded by other women. That just forget it, that just get what you’re going through.
0:12:42 – Speaker 2
I’ll see you there. But I went to Network Spinal Event and, for people who don’t know what it is, it’s working with the energy of the spine and of alignment and constantly bringing back to what is true self and what is everything that is not. And at that event, somebody made a reference of me wearing a mask and basically named that potentially this intimacy coaching was me wearing a mask and, like any feedback I ever get, I’m always interested in it. I don’t always take it again, make meaning or I look at it at face value. I’m like if it pings me, chances are there’s something here for me, and it did. It felt really confronting. So I went a layer deeper and just again got curious about what does that mean for me? And what I started to see and what came up was that when I started coaching, I just left my marriage. So I was.
I had started coaching about a year prior to that, but I was working in more of a holistic space. And then, when I left my marriage, I started intimacy coaching. And then I asked myself a question that was really uncomfortable, which was something around the lines of could it be possible that I was doing this work in an attempt to heal myself and that there was this process that I was essentially discovering what intimacy meant to me, and once I understood what that was, I really felt that I was complete with that type of coaching, and it was so confronting and it was so uncomfortable. I asked myself some really painful questions of am I out of integrity? Did I possibly harm others In this process of me healing? Was I even showing up in a way that was responsible? And the reason I kept wanting to be private was because I was like I feel complete. You don’t want to teach this anymore. And what was really interesting about that is when I really got honest with myself and I made that declaration. It felt like the shift wanted to happen immediately, and it was confronting for everyone in my life that had identified me as an intimacy coach, my partner included, because when we shift, it causes and asks people to be confronted with their own truth as well, and if this person can shift on the dime, what does that mean about me? What is she gonna do for our relationship? Is my out of integrity somewhere? And it reflects back to this person. So it was challenging because people started to get curious. They think about their own selves.
And again, though, I didn’t do anything with this information, I allowed myself to just have this awareness that, oops, it’s not even that I was in the wrong box, it was just that box was done. I was ready to retire that box. That box was the perfect box for me for four and a half years, and now that box needed to be taped and put into storage, and I was in a really lucky place that I had an income that I’d created for myself I don’t even wanna call it luck, I could work for that and so I had the spaciousness and the freedom to allow myself to get curious about now. What now? What comes next If I put this box in storage? Well, I wanna replace it, and I don’t wanna replace it from necessity or from scarcity. I wanna replace it with what lights me up and what energizes me. So I did what I always do, because it’s worked for me, as I hired someone to help me with that process Because, as you may know, it’s really challenging to find your own blind spots, and I wanted someone who was really grounded and clear and to help organize what felt like a lot of mumbled mass inside of my mind, and this process took months, mind you, months and months and months of journaling about what makes me happy, writing down some of my strengths, asking, doing an energy audit of what were the parts coaching that I loved, what were the parts that drained me?
Yeah, yeah, oh, I love that we’re so in sync. So in sync, and then it was the day that I hired this consultant to come in and support me. It was like every puzzle piece just clicked and he took all of the information that I had been spending six to eight weeks identifying and organizing and he just helped me get so clear and he helped me synthesize the things that I loved into values. So it was almost like I was approaching finding my next career move as if I was finding partner of my dreams, and he wanted me to get clear on what am I bringing to the table and what are you bringing to the table.
And that way, when this perfect person came along, I would know, because it was really obvious from both parties, and, sure enough, that’s exactly what happened. I went down this path of getting really clear and then the surrender it was like, and I would say maybe one other step in between was I got crystal clear in what I wanted, and then I told a small group of intentional people my desire, because I think that that’s how manifestation works. I think a lot of people think it’s like just throw caution to the wind and something’s supposed to volunteer lab. I don’t know. I’m like not quite. You gotta take some steps, mama.
0:17:53 – Speaker 1
I’m leaving, but I’d love to have a spaghetti on the wall and hope that it hit.
0:17:57 – Speaker 2
Huh, get that off me, yeah. And so I told a couple of really key people in my life hey, I’m open to this, I’m quietly looking, here’s what my crystal clear desires are. And then I would say, six to eight weeks after that, the perfect opportunity just came and plopped right into my lap and even with, I will say, all of the back work and preparation that I did, there was still the moment of like, oh shit, Am I actually going to take that? Could it be that easy? Could it really be the thing that’s right in front of me? But if I were to zoom out, it wasn’t easy.
It was countless hours of being confronted by my identity shifting. Will people want to support me in this new box that I’m creating for myself? Will I be good enough? Am I making a mistake? I mean so much tension and stress and worry and consideration. So it feels easy when it arrives, but it wasn’t. It was a really arduous process and I think that’s where Instagram actually really foxes up is that it looks like we have A and B, but what people don’t see is the microsteps millions of them in between. But we’ll ask you a little bit about that, please.
0:19:12 – Speaker 1
Yeah, so it sounds like I mean what I loved about you, sherry. You took all throughout your whole experience. You took these data points.
There are data points that a part of you sounds like, for the most part, was unattached from the data points. You were aware of them. You’re like, ok, data point number one, data point number two. You’re like, ok, I’m seeing all these things that are just showing me and I’m seeing them, but I’m not doing anything. Yet there was this just absorbing awareness type of piece. Did you ever like to dive a little bit deeper into, like, the mini gritty of it? And if you, if it’s not true, then it’s not true. But if it was true, were there any parts of you that were attached to, like not wanting to let go of that previous box? You know that, that identity that you had built for four and a half years, right, like I, I see all the data points you collected. But was there ever like this, like, but I don’t want to let that go yet, that’s that’s who I am, or like anything, any sense of attachment to that experience? Yes and no.
0:20:06 – Speaker 2
So I’ve done enough work at this point to really understand that in this process, the tighter my death grip is on the past identity, whatever it is I’m leaving, the harder this process is, and I’ve one of the few people I’ve ever met I think it actually comes from my upbringing. Yeah, this is how there’s gifts and curses, and our upbringing and the way, the things that we learned and my mother actually really instilled the value of change in me from a young age. We moved and changed homes a lot growing up, so I didn’t have the home that I was born in and then raised in and then my parents still live there. I’ve probably lived in 15 homes at this point in my life, possibly more. My mom just loved fresh energy, a change of pace, and so I grew up really learning and understanding the value of changing and the value of letting go and not being attached to the previous version because something better could be coming around the corner. Sometimes to a fault, I will say that, but my edge in life has actually been learning to stay and to root versus changing, so change has usually been pretty easy for me.
I would say that I had a little bit of resistance in that, the identity of an intimacy coach was sexy and I liked that. I liked the attention I got for it, because would you go to a dinner party or you meet someone and they go, what do you do? And you say I work in sexuality. Everybody’s eyes light up, some people get really uncomfortable but most people got really excited and yeah, and I would say, if anything there was a little bit of like, will I be? Will I be boring or irrelevant if I shift my niche, if I step into something different? But I really felt the larger part of me that wanted something different and this is going to get pretty spiritual for a moment, but really was driving me was my future unborn child and oh, it makes me emotional. I started connecting with her in the past several years and that looks different in many different ways. What it? What is felt like presently is me tuning into her and to ask of her what she needs from me in order for her to come in, to feel safe. And I I still feel that I’m potentially years away from that process, but I know it’s what I want and I started tuning into that future version of me.
Again, I followed where the energy wanted to flow and I get really turned on and really excited by my future self, and I started asking this little girl what she needed, and she was just like mama I need stability, I need you to be in one place and one career with money coming in, like I could feel her asking this of me. Yeah, and anyone who’s an entrepreneurship knows that it is a wild rollercoaster and it’s a fun one, and my nervous system really loved it for a long time until it didn’t, and so I really started to look for what could bring me the stability that I’m craving, while I also keep the part of me that I still really love. I love coaching women. I just don’t only want to coach women and I don’t want to do it in this nation anymore, because I feel the part of me that’s maturing and shifting, and so the part of me that was scared to let it go was smaller than the part of me that wanted what was coming. That’s amazing.
0:23:34 – Speaker 1
And I think for anyone listening right, sometimes the part of being scared is a lot bigger than being open to changing. But you definitely shared how you’ve created such a beautiful relationship of change, and part of it’s because of what you grew up, and finding stability in the change is like your growth edge, which I think is beautiful to see both sides of it, but still, the skill set that came from being open to change right, being able to adapt, being able to be unattached to the experience and feeling comfortable to create what it would be like to bring your little unborn child in this world in a safe environment. And you talked a lot about like feeling regulated or having a regulated nervous system and I’ve also experienced that in entrepreneurship or like being a coach. Online is like I was constantly triggered or constantly high end, or I was living in high functioning anxiety where I was doing all these things. Yes, I was, in a way, coaching so much and it was so amazing, but I’m also in that place, too, where I’m craving like spaciousness and stability and groundedness, not necessarily giving up things that I love, but just finding a way to bring them into this new way which you talked about.
That too, and so I’d be so curious to hear a little bit more about how did you identify that you wanted a regulated nervous system. Like, how did you know? Because we taught. I think nervous system regulation is being talked about so much right now to the point where people don’t really know what that means or why is it such a big deal and why it’s so connected to our mental health, our spiritual growth, our physical health, our like, actual like our, not physical health, but our physical well-being too, like it’s so connected to everything, and so I’d love for you to expand a little bit more about that if you’re open to sharing, totally, yeah.
0:25:18 – Speaker 2
And being brought back to a very specific moment in time where I was on the couch with my partner and I was having a rough month. I got. It was really interesting. When I quit my job and started my coaching business, I had the thing that people dream and hope happen, which is I got a crazy amount of cash and clients immediately. It was like the universe open and they said, yes, keep going. And like it was an amount of money that I had never even fathomed having. It was like all of a sudden it opened my bank account and I was like what? I was laughable. And now I see, in hindsight, everything that happened was so divine and so magical because having that amount allowed me to get the town home that I’m currently in because, as you know, trying to be an entrepreneur and prove income can be really dicey sometimes, and I happened to get this massive amount of money in my bank account right before I needed to move and to show that I had enough to support this new home that I was moving into. So there was all of this like really beautiful synchronicity, right, and in my mind I’m like this is just how it’s always going to be. I started off this way, like it’s always going to go up from here.
And then I got humbled. I got humbled several months forward. I hadn’t done a great job of preparing for quiet months in the coaching business because it just hadn’t even occurred to me. I was like a little delusional. I’m like, oh, success is inevitable. This was so easy. It’s always going to be easy.
And I had a really quiet month and I didn’t prepare my savings accordingly. And for the first time ever I was like, oh my God, am I going to have enough to pay my rent next month? And I was terrified. And I mean I remember sitting on the couch with my partner and I was literally shaking, like my body was uncontrollably shaking. I was crying, I was almost dissociated, like I was having such a hard time being present because I was so nervous about what was going to happen if I couldn’t pay my bills. And I was doing this doom spiral of like I’m going to have to move back to Florida to live with my family, I’m going to lose all of my friends. I mean it was really wild what the mind will do when it’s afraid. And I was like, oh my God, this is awful. I can’t remember the last time my body felt this unregulated and I was waking up like that and I was staying like that throughout most of my day.
And anyone who’s ever struggled financially knows the tension and the discomfort of what money challenges feel like. And I worked really hard to when I left my marriage to get to a place where I could support myself financially and I watched my mother struggle with that most of her life being a single mother, and so there’s some deep, deep lineage stuff here for me around being a woman that could provide and make money and break this pattern. And so when that came up, I was working with my therapist at the time and he was like well, are you open to asking your partner for help? If you need to? Like, let’s talk about what it looks like. And so all of this stuff was coming up. That was so edgy and so uncomfortable and I remember being like I got to do something different. Yes, I can learn and I can ask my partner for support one month, but I don’t want to do this anymore. This doesn’t feel good. So what has to occur from my nervous system to get to a place where this is not my baseline? Because this is not. This is not realistic. I can’t live this way.
And I also had to be really honest with myself that maybe people can ride those highs and lows and that feels good. And maybe in my twenties I could have had more resilience there. And there were gifts in it because I really did learn and see how, when my backs against the wall, the cover source, what can I be and what were the things that I needed to do to really support myself and get out of that dysregulation. And I knew beyond that, I wanted to make sure that that I never had a month like that ever again. And so that’s when the idea of like, well, what if I did have something that I loved, that was stable, that brought in an income, that I’m working on a team with a greater mission, where I’m using all of my gifts and I feel so energized by this and I get to have the ups and downs of entrepreneurship at the same time but it’s not making it black or white, it wasn’t, I have to have one or the other was like how do I make both work? And when that came forward, it was like that’s how I go, from shaking on the couch, crying, unable to like eat to oh, there’s a number coming in every month that I feel really good about. I’m energized by that team and I also get the pleasure of working with women, had a way that feels so much healthier for me, and I remember really anchoring in that moment like, fuck yeah, I get to have it all.
I do not have to sacrifice, maybe temporarily. I don’t want to paint this picture that it’s always right away, we get everything that we want. I worked several jobs in between A and B that were not comfortable, where I took on like marketing, contracting jobs and I did all of these like really odds and ends things to just bring in some extra cash. And so, again, I don’t want to paint the picture that it was just like I went from one extreme to the other, where I was shaking on the couch, to all of a sudden, everything was fine, but everything I did, every step that I took in between, gave me more clarity, more peace of mind, and then it could allow me to make decisions from a grounded place instead of a frantic one. So, yeah, everything happened for a reason. I can really see that now.
0:30:46 – Speaker 1
Yeah, it’s hard to you know. When someone says, like I don’t know, I’ve been on their side. I’m like what do you mean? Everything happens for a reason. Like it’s hard to believe. But you know what I mean. Sometimes it was just as worse. Like when people say, like you’re going to find your partner, I promise you’re just going to know. When he’s the one, and people are like what do you mean? You just know, you just know.
And so something that you shared so much about, too, is just like the experience, that of all, like you definitely had to go through the experience to learn, to see what was working and what was not working. And I think I wish I mean I’ve been through that to myself, but I wish more people where it would give themselves grace and those moments, because it’s almost like we need them as necessary to get us to the divine place that we’re talking about. Right, that we’re like wanting to step into. The other thing that I love that you just shared so openly and thank you so much for sharing all of that is it is the financial ickiness that comes with entrepreneurship, right, like there is this, especially in the coaching industry. Like and I so personally, I’ve kept my corporate job the entire time that I’ve been coaching and it has been. At first it was so interesting. I felt so much pressure from entrepreneurship, from coaches, to be like well, if you don’t let that go, are you fully committed to becoming a coach Like? You know just that language of like. If you don’t let that go, then you can’t have what you want and what I realized it has.
And I’ve always thought about this with my corporate job. I was like, whatever my corporate job is, there’s nothing wrong with it, there’s nothing abusive of it, there’s no part of your reason. But it’s been the most beautiful investment to getting to me to a place where I can receive what I want. And right, there was always this yes and like, I can build my things and I’m grateful for that. But there was always so much rocking pressure to leave your job, create your dreams. You’re going to make a lot of money, and no one talks about the ups and downs of entrepreneurship, which you spoke so openly about.
So thank you for that, and beautifully to you, because I think it’s necessary and a regulated nervous system to what you talked about is what people are experiencing all the time, whether it is about finances, whether it is about relationships, whether it’s just a life-form business and feeling dysregulated like that is the worst feeling, like I’ve burnt out really badly having two jobs and I can. I just hated that and I had also so much fear come up after that of like I never want to be in that state again. Which was this interesting integration between I’m masculine and I feminine. When I was doing most of my corporate and coaching and all these things I was leading so much in my masculine, I was so disconnected from my body, so dysregulated, and then I had to learn to be in my feminine and I had to go to the process of integrating both right, bringing that structure to support me in this new yes and yeah that’s really beautiful it’s.
0:33:31 – Speaker 2
I think it’s a really mature way to look at things and it makes me really mad when I think about coaches that coach from the place of jump off the cliff. I think there’s a time and a place for it. I will say, yeah, I, because I needed to be that woman as well, both as a coach and as an individual, where someone’s actually really ready for that next step and they’re just afraid and they need that extra accountability to leap. But what I find is way more healthy and sustainable are mini leaps, taking sustained, small daily action or weekly action that moves you closer to this dream that you have and that’s the place that I’m operating from now. Is that like slow, delicious, sustained pace? And it’s not to say that I won’t have times where I want to pick up the pace and turn up the dial of whatever it is that I’m doing, because sometimes I think having too long of a runway is just our fear. Speaking like. I see this a lot of times with women where I’m like what’s your dream? They’re like I want to launch a retreat. I’m great, when do you want to do that? I’m thinking like end of 2024. I’m like, okay, that’s, you probably don’t need two years to map out the rest of your studies now. Yeah, exactly so that’s not it. But also, you know, giving my future self the runway she deserves and instead of trying to make it a three month goal, could it actually be a year goal? And being really honest with myself about does that feel an integrity, healthy and a little bit of a push in order for me to get this done?
And I remember too, because I think it’s it’s easy when you’re in a silo to make decisions on behalf of yourself that are catastrophic or supportive, because you’re the only one that is impacting right, my partner has been this beautiful mirror and challenging mirror that I’m like, oh shit, there’s somebody this impacts now and I saw they right up in bright, front and center, this part of me, this shadow in me that likes to. He called it. You know, he’s like I felt like there were times where you were just walking around the house with a hand over the detonator, like ready to just drop a bomb. He’s like I could feel the chaotic energy in you that wanted change, wanted something different, and I thought, oh my god, I’m never going to have the relationship I want with this man if every three to six months.
I’m going through some massive life transformation because, in our relationship, within the first year of us dating, I quit my job, I moved homes, I technically changed my jobs twice because I left one job, started this coaching career and then went into the place from like. I don’t want to do this type of coaching, so I had two career shifts. We traveled multiple different countries. There was so much happening at once and for most people those changes can happen maybe a handful over a lifetime and they all happened for me within a year of us dating and I remember thinking I created this, I’m the one bringing this upon myself, and if I want the type of love and and relationship that I know I’m worthy of, this shit has to stop. So he became one of my great motivators as well, and that was, I think, a really important part of this puzzle for me was realizing that my decisions now impact someone else that I deeply care about, and it was time for me to clean things up yeah, how did you?
0:36:57 – Speaker 1
I’m curious, like where was the invitation for you? And that, like, how did you find the invitation? Did your partner call you up in the invitation of like, hey, I want more stability? Was you the first one reflected to you or did you find that in yourself first before he did that’s?
0:37:11 – Speaker 2
a great question. I think a little bit of both. Okay, he’s so lovely in the way that he handles me and speaks to me and he’s never once told me what to do, what not to do. I mean, he knows damn well that would never work anyway, but he’s really lovely in the way that he just he gets curious and he asks me questions and I remember, you know, after several weeks of that, like that woman that I was describing earlier, the shaking on the couch could barely stay in her body, so ungrounded. I remember feeling like I was this broken record where I kept talking about the same thing over and over and I got sick of my shit and I thought if I’m sick of this, he’s gotta be, he’s gotta be so frustrated.
So in that moment I had an opportunity to take responsibility, but he never made me feel bad or wrong for who I was and I think that was so. Such a pivotal part of this was really welcoming me in safe and open arms, to be like Hi, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to love this part of you because there’s a gift in it and I’m going to reflect how it impacts me so that you’re aware of that. But I’m not going to make you feel bad or wrong, and that created the perfect recipe for me to take responsibility without shame or wrongness. He’s so great at that, he’s such I just love him so much and it always reflects back. I’m not the most accepting and loving, and yeah, he’s just. He’s helped me grow in so many ways. I’m so grateful for that safe place he created for us.
0:38:51 – Speaker 1
I hope everyone lets an incandescent hear that. That is so beautiful. I think to like receive and partnership, someone that could see you and love you and also just reflect back to you. And I, you know the part of you where you said you saw the patterns right. You, you reflected back on yourself. You’re like, wow, keep repeating the same thing over and over again. Why do I keep hitting this wall? Or why do I keep getting the ceiling, why do I keep repeating this blah blah, blah blah. And then you took the opportunity, the responsibility, to look in that to yourself. And, yes, your partner was a reflection of that, but you took responsibility for what that was going to be for yourself.
0:39:25 – Speaker 2
I’m really big on personal responsibility. Responsibility must be in my chart, or my Dharma, because it has been one of the biggest challenges and the biggest blessings in my life and I personally have seen the more responsibility I take, the more my life expands. And I really it was around when I left my marriage, age 29, where I went through, I mean, four years of about to be 34, four years of radical responsibility. There was no one and nowhere to look other than myself and, oh God, it was so deeply uncomfortable. I feel it in like every one of my cells as I think back to every bucket. I had to look at every stone I had to turn over and finances, community, mental health, career, home, like you name it, taxes, like all of it. I just it was so confronting. And just the other day I made an Instagram story where I talked about you know being in the place where I can zoom out now and go.
Wow, I think I can stop and take a breath now because four years later, I have a really beautiful foundation to live from and I think that’s another really big sort of alluded to this and said it earlier. I think it’s really healthy to normalize things, taking time. I think the coaching industry paints a picture that there can be radical shifts and transformation in 90 days and there can be, but it’s a lot of times it’s just the beginning. It’s the catalyst, the momentum that is needed, that is going to take you into the integration of your day to day life. And I mean, nobody wants to be sold.
Hey, what have I told you? It’s going to take you four years to get from where you are to where you want to be. How many people would still be in the game at that point? How many people would be like, oh fuck it, it’s just easier for me to stay where I’m at. And it’s not sexy to say this is going to take four years, but it was true and it’s real and so, yeah, I’m so grateful for the part of me that I think deeply knew that. Deeply knew that it was going to just take time, and there are many times where I had temper tantrums about that, and then I just kept going, and so I think for most people that’s the difference of where you’re at and where you want to be, as you just keep going. It’s really that simple.
0:41:48 – Speaker 1
So it’s so easy on social media to see like three month programs going to change my life and you know, six months of working with this person, yes, you’re going to feel breakthroughs. Yes, you’re going to find awareness, like you’re going to awake parts of you that haven’t been but the integration period and the time and the layers and the undoing, and then, depending on, I mean there’s so much. Every single person is so unique, right, so that journey can just that journey will take its course, and it’s almost like it truly has to, like I used to want to, like put like a fast speed on it, like, well, go faster, why can I go faster? Let’s put the gas pedal on it. And it’s almost like I did myself a disservice trying to do that versus just letting myself meet each layer as they came, versus just peeling every layer as fast as possible.
0:42:37 – Speaker 2
Yeah, oh, my gosh yeah.
0:42:39 – Speaker 1
Absolutely.
0:42:40 – Speaker 2
And I always think of my future daughter, right Of like. Could I imagine looking at my baby and like, learn to walk faster, or whatever it may be right, asking her to be a faster version of herself. And the answer is always a resounding note Like how dare I rush a human having a human process? And then I think, okay, well, I can certainly extend that kindness to myself. Not always easy, but simple. Yeah, as long as we’re intentional, right.
0:43:11 – Speaker 1
We try, yeah, absolutely, and there’s still going to be parts of us that play its role and it’s almost like okay, there it was, you know, in its own way?
0:43:20 – Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely, and sometimes there’s medicine and going fast. I’m really grateful, for example, for the men that I dated. That were three month cycles where we got in, we dove super deep, fell in love and then it exploded and had that taken a year. That’s a totally different story. So sometimes there’s deep medicine and diving all in, going into the deep end. So I just want to for every woman to know how to know discernment when is it time to move fast and when is it time to take your time.
0:43:55 – Speaker 1
Yes, can you, before I would tell I want to keep talking to you because I was like gosh, I have so many other layers, but can you talk a little bit more about discernment, because I think discernment is one of the most important tools that we don’t get to talk about as much. I feel like at least you get to learn that, to going through this process of what is discernment to you versus what is discernment to everyone else, and you talk about what discernment means.
0:44:18 – Speaker 2
Yeah, that’s a great question. I’m trying to think of the way that I want to go with discernment. I remember a story that’s coming to mind. I was in a kitchen with my good friend and her partner at the time, and this was a time where I was dating and I remember her and I must have been talking about a date that I had just gone on and her partner was, I guess, listening in the background but I didn’t know and I said something about I went on one date and I just knew this wasn’t it. And so we parted ways and I closed the loop and caught his attention and he turned to me and he was like, wait a second. He was like you really think you can know someone and read someone after one date? And I knew he was confronted by this idea that I could be that quick to make a decision. And I’ll never forget the way that I phrased it, because it was so powerful for me, the way that I had this aha moment and I just said you know what I get that and maybe there will be some times where I’m wrong.
No-transcript, I would always rather bet on myself Every single time. I would always rather bet that I know in deep in my soul what is best for me and I worked too hard to get to where I’m at to bet on someone else. And so, even if nine times out of 10, I’m right and I do fuck up one of those times, I’d still rather bet on. I know what is best in my soul and I’ve just practiced a lot. I’ve practiced over and over and over, from everything from ordering an item on a menu like what do I want? What is my body desire? What do I intuitively think is best for me today, to making a decision about a piece of clothing I want, to making a decision for a home. And over the past four years, after leaving my relationship, I strengthened that discernment by making bigger decisions on a more frequent basis. But it literally started with where do I want to go work today?
0:46:17 – Speaker 1
Yeah.
0:46:18 – Speaker 2
What coffee do I want to order? What floating item do I want to wear? That was discernment. It was choosing yes, no, this, that. And then, after I flexed that and got comfortable enough, it was like this guy or this guy, this home, or this home, this job, or this job. And the decisions kept getting bigger. And then by that time came along for a decision of moving in with a partner or taking a leap in my career. I had so many reps at the discernment gym that it was easy for me to make a decision yeah, yeah.
0:46:49 – Speaker 1
It sounds like that, your discernment gym, or through working out and flexing all these muscles, you really also got to know yourself really, really well, to a point where you know you, you know what you like and what you don’t like, you know what’s acceptable, what’s not acceptable, you know what’s a full body as and what’s a no, and there’s no question about it.
That’s what it is and that’s what I want. I think that’s what a lot of us want. We want to get to that place where we’re like no, I’m a definite yes and I’m a for sure no, and there’s no part of me that’s upset with myself for that decision or like I’m on board with whatever comes from that decision or I’ll be open to the experience of what comes from that decision. If I can also learn that experience and then shift, I can also go through that process. But there is this sense of like trust that sounds like you’ve built within yourself, like this trust to guide you towards your yes and you’re this trust to guide you towards your no, and surrendering to the experience that comes through that decision and knowing that you’ll be okay 100%.
0:47:48 – Speaker 2
I think that’s ultimately what it is Is. I know, no matter what, I know, even if this deep yes in this moment ends up being a total blow up and everything goes sideways after I’m a cat I’ll end up with my feet I’m good and I’m gonna keep moving, and so there’s resilience there, and my partner was talking about this morning. He’s like there’s Christmas ornaments oranges and bouncy balls and he’s like most people think that they’re Christmas ornaments, where they’re just gonna like break and shatter. And or you think you’re an orange, where you know you’re taking this like pounding and on the inside you’re like feeling terrible, old and, yeah, beaded and bruised.
He’s like we’re all bouncy balls. We always bounce back if we allow ourselves to, and I think, just like deeply believing that, that you will bounce back and it takes proof, it takes your soul seeing. Oh, I went through that really hard thing and I’m still here. And if you zoom out and look at the evidence of that, I guarantee most people have enough evidence to support that, and so it’s really just about collecting evidence at that point.
0:48:53 – Speaker 1
That was such a good little snippet to end this episode on. Like. I am so grateful that you came on. We just talked about everything from like journey of entrepreneurship to like breaking the box and like refining your box and like readjusting your nervous system and like what you want to do, to all the way to like finding discernment and trusting yourself. It’s been such a beautiful conversation to like dive deep into those details.
And again I just want to say thank you so much for being so vulnerable and so open and so detailed, because I think these are the little nuances that we all want to hear and that we all need to hear. One because A I’ve resonated so much with what you talked about and so I could say, yeah, I get totally your brim Like. This gives me so much motivation to keep going and I’m hoping that others can hear that as well. Yeah, I do have a question for you since you’ve gone through this whole expansion, with it being the fully expressed podcast, what has been your guiding factor to express? Like continue to lean into expressing yourself, or finding that discernment to express yourself in certain ways, or express yourself in your business, or express yourself with your career and where it’s evolving, what has been that little like hit of like yeah, I want to keep leaning into that and I want to keep figuring out what that is for me or for you in this terms.
0:50:13 – Speaker 2
I think it’s because for me, my expression is my art. My expression is, and to me, creation and art are essential to life. I can’t not create. When I’m not creating, I feel like I’m dying truly, and I mean we think about the great painters and sculptors and writers and poets and musicians. Creation is what makes life worth living truly, and the most basic level.
I was watching this series on Amazon or whatever Netflix, and they were talking about when the Holocaust came and World War II was present. It was a show about they were hiding and protecting all of the famous Jewish artists because they knew they’re like we must at all costs protect these people because look at what they’ve created for our people. And so it was a whole show about like hiding and protecting this subsect of our culture. And I did the writer, the artist way several years ago, and it was so profound and letting my inner artists live. And so to me, my expression is my art and I’m constantly evolving and playing in the realm of what does that look like? But I feel the most alive and the most connected to magic when I am expressing myself in an artful way, and so when I’m not expressing, it feels truly like death, and so my North Star is just how much aliveness can I experience on this earth? And therefore I’m going to keep expressing myself because of that so beautiful.
0:51:49 – Speaker 1
Thank you so much for sharing that. As we wrap up here, if anyone wants to get in contact with you or wants to connect with you or learn more about what you do, where would you want to guide them?
0:52:01 – Speaker 2
Yeah, so I have this incredible career now with Soul Fire Productions that I’m so juiced about, and I get to take all of these talents that I wasn’t using and coaching and support humans in bringing their stories and art form to life through the art of podcasting, and so that’s one subsect of what I’m doing, and then I’m also still coaching women in their own expression and evolving, and so the best way to connect whether it’s because you’ve got a podcast inside of you that wants to be birthed or you’ve got something else that you need support in Instagram, and so I storytell, I connect, I share vulnerability. This is not just me for the podcast, this is who I am every day, and so if you want any more of that than following me and sending me a DM and telling me where you found me is always the best. What’s your Instagram handle? It’s my name, so, at Bryddailer, b-r-y-n-d-a-y-l-o-r. Perfect.
0:52:58 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, I highly suggest that everyone goes, follow us here, because I do. I love everything that you post, and that was the other reason why I was so attracted to you was because you are so honest, you are so real and I think bringing that to that space is so beautifully, just like you did today. So thank you for doing this.
0:53:13 – Speaker 2
Thank you.
0:53:14 – Speaker 1
Thank you.
