Episode 49: My TOP 10+ Relationship Lessons with Karenna Soto

0:00 Welcome to the Fully Express podcast with Karenna. 0:02 I am your podcast host, Karenna Soto. 0:05 And this is a show we have conversations that invite you into your fullest express self in relationships, life and business, man. 0:13 Oh man, you guys, we have been just moving. 0:18 Nick and I are going to be stepping into a really big next chapter here. 0:24 We've recently moved and damp moves a lot, especially when you're like downsizing and you have so much stuff to do. 0:32 So it's a little bit crazy, but both of us are so excited about this new chapter. 0:37 You know, something that I've been really reflecting on as we've been doing. 0:41 This is like sometimes decisions for our fullest self doesn't look big. 0:47 Sometimes they look like you're making. 0:49 I mean, in the sense of receiving big. 0:51 So like we make big decisions, we make bold, strong decisions into living our fullest express selves. 0:58 However, sometimes the decisions have to look like they're, you're going backwards in a way. 1:04 So for example, like Nick and I decided to move back in with my parents, they've recently built the studio as a U on their property and my parents have a beautiful home. 1:15 They have a beautiful property and, you know, when the opportunity arose, one, it was like the 80 was ready for us. 1:23 And then two, because when our lease was coming up, I just felt in my body that I didn't want to sign a lease. 1:31 I just knew deep down that I was like, I don't really want to be stuck anywhere. 1:35 N and I have been really craving to have a lot of freedom to travel even more to save and invest a lot of our money in other ways, you know, really preparing ourselves for a family, for a home. 1:49 And what does that really look like? 1:50 And we do know intuitively as well as consciously and spiritually that there are a lot of change coming here in the United States in the next year and a half and wanting to prepare ourselves in the best way is really important to us. 2:04 So we've cut down our expenses by moving home, but we're also living in a studio, right? 2:09 We're living in this small ad U. 2:12 It feels like I could be quote unquote, moving back in with my parents. 2:15 But in this decision, the way that I see it, it's a decision that's setting us for something really big. 2:21 Nick and I are both stepping into such big stages, literally and figuratively in our lives, right? 2:28 I want to be on massive stages. 2:30 Nick is also really starting his business and kicking things off and doing really big things for himself. 2:37 And so both of us needed to go through setting up our foundation. 2:40 And one of those was financially and this was the most best financial move. 2:44 And so if you've ever considered that good for you, if you've ever done that, I'm proud of you and I admire you. 2:49 And you know, this is literally just day one of us sleeping in here and who knows how I'm going to feel the next two weeks, a month and two months. 2:59 However, I do know that this is the best decision for our relationship, our future, our future as individuals. 3:06 It's like another really big thing. 3:08 And so let's today, you get another solo episode with me to wrap up the month of July when we talk all about relationships and I'm so excited about this one because, and I say I'm so excited about every relationship because I don't know if you guys notice, but I love talking on the podcast. 3:23 I love sharing with you. 3:24 I love hearing from you guys. 3:26 I recently in the last the last few episodes, I keep getting text messages and D MS and it just really makes me feel like all of this is really landing and I'm so happy to hear that it's landing and that it's meeting you where you're at. 3:39 And when you send me your feedback, it gives me an opportunity to create more episodes bouncing off your feedback. 3:46 So those that have been sending me texts or D MS. 3:50 Thank you. 3:51 Thank you so much. 3:52 And for those that have been sharing the podcast with people that you think this would really resonate with to really meet in this moment. 3:58 Thank you as well. 4:00 So why did I say that I was so excited about this podcast, this episode, Bill because I'm going to share with you my top 10 plus relationship lessons that I have learned super early on and continue to learn as I really develop a very conscious connected relationship, you know, and I don't really talk so much. 4:22 I used to use the word conscious relationship a lot. 4:25 So I want to define what conscious relationship means. 4:28 In my opinion, in my opinion, it means a very where both individuals are very self aware, they're both very open to the awareness of how their decisions, reactions, emotions impact one another. 4:42 It's consciously choosing to make decisions versus subconsciously falling into the place of how everyone else does relationships. 4:51 We're just going to one of the very first things that I have learned early on in relationships, but to truly define what conscious relationship is, is like, you get to define what relationship looks like for you. 5:03 I think this is what's really hard in our world today. 5:05 When you're looking at the world of relationships, you say, oh OK. 5:10 So the standard is you get in a relationship, you get a house, you have kids obviously you get married before then there's this like, unsaid, also expected way of doing relationship. 5:23 And the truth is one of the biggest lessons I learned really early on is like, it doesn't matter how a relationship looks like to everyone else. 5:31 It's how I want my relationship to feel to me. 5:34 And when you think about that, it's like, ok, so what feels good to me in my relationship? 5:41 And what does, how does that also meet my partner and how do my partner and I want to create a relationship that meets both of our needs, wants and desires and not just falling suit into what everyone else wants. 5:58 Now, I'm not saying that the way that other people do relationship is wrong. 6:02 No, that is absolutely not what I'm saying. 6:04 I'm saying that if that is genuinely what you consciously want and you're consciously choosing to get married, buy a house, have kids by a certain timeline, like everyone else. 6:14 And that is exactly what is meant for your path, own it. 6:18 And this is also an invitation for you to find what does that really mean for you and your relationship? 6:25 And what does it mean to bring your fullest express self also honoring your partner's fullest express self? 6:30 Does it look like in that order? 6:32 Like something that I've been laughing about recently? 6:35 And this is probably the only thing, a place I'm going to share this. 6:38 I don't really talk about this. 6:39 So much outside of my friendships, my close friendships and my close inner circle. 6:43 But, you know, Nick and I's quote unquote timeline right now is hopefully getting married in 2025 and possibly moving it into spring of 2026 depending on with the flow of what happens. 6:56 And I laugh with one of my best friends, Rochelle and I tell her I was like, you know, there's a really big chance that I could be pregnant at my wedding and that could happen beforehand. 7:06 Nick. 7:06 And I say, who knows if I'll be pregnant before the wedding? 7:11 And I think what that talks to is there's such an attachment for how things need to be done, how I expect them to be done. 7:19 I'm so open to how whatever order things happen. 7:23 And also who knows if I'm going to be able to have a baby, right? 7:26 I'm leaving that up to God. 7:27 I'm leaving up to divine timing. 7:28 And I'm also being intentional about taking the steps in that direction to make sure that I am prepared to have a baby. 7:35 However, like I said, like there's just no attachment to how we do things, there is intention, right? 7:43 But there's no expectation. 7:44 And as you know, if you've worked with me in the past or have heard me say this, but you know, expectations lead to disappointment when we have set expectations for something to look a certain way, be a certain way. 7:58 That's where we get disappointed because the truth is, is that we're not always going to be met in that way. 8:03 However, when we lower our expectations, set intentions and are open to whatever we are to receive, that's where we get really met. 8:11 We're seen and we feel so much more fulfilled. 8:14 And so I guess that could be lesson number one if you will. 8:18 However, let's dive into the actual lessons. 8:25 So I have 11 here. 8:26 But like, as I already started talking, I have 12 listed here. 8:30 As I already started talking, I think that there might be more that comes up for me. 8:34 However, I want to start with one really big one. 8:37 And Nick and I were sitting down and I had so I've been thinking about these lessons all week preparing for this podcast episode and sharing with you guys. 8:46 I had one really good one come through in the middle of your hot yoga yesterday and I didn't write it down. 8:50 So I, I, this morning while Nick and I were just getting up and I was having my hot K C and enjoying our slow morning, I asked him, I was like, what is your top lesson in our relationship? 9:01 And he said, and I love this because I was like, oh, I remember telling my mom this. 9:05 So the very first one I want to kick things off was one that was inspired by Nick this morning and he said, trusting your partner trusting that your partner is intention is for your highest good. 9:16 And when he said that I was like, oh, babe, that lands so hard because we've had so many moments in our relationship and past relationships where I'm always assuming or trying to do things better or not fully trust that he is thinking of my height is good and that he forgets and that can show up by me wanting to take control of a situation, by me questioning his decisions by me second guessing why he's doing the things that he's doing in the way that he's doing. 9:50 And I, and it capitalizes on such a big lesson. 9:53 But if we can fall into suit and understanding that at the end of the day, like our partner is not just thinking about themselves, like and trusting that they are thinking about us as well is like one of the biggest lessons. 10:06 And also it's just so hard and it's, it's one of those sneaky patterns that pop up in a relationship where we just don't fully lean back and trust that they are doing things for our highest good. 10:20 So that was also number one, the next one that I want to talk about, I guess this kind of goes and follows suit is trying your best to, to avoid projecting your experiences, your story onto your partner. 10:35 And this kind of connects with another one that I was talking to. 10:39 But when you are in a relationship with another human, right? 10:43 It's so easy to one project your fears or assumptions or stories, like your own personal stories, like the stories that you as an individual navigate and come up against onto your partner. 10:56 And when you are projecting that onto them, you're essentially making this image of them. 11:03 And it's so easy to get caught up in projecting that onto them. 11:06 Obviously, we're doing that as a way to protect ourselves. 11:09 And it's so easy when we are in our own space and we realize that we are falling into suit of these patterns or we have these fears or we have these ways of controlling things or we are nervous about X Y Z. 11:21 So some very common themes that come up in a relationship is the fear of not being loved, the fear of someone abandoning you. 11:29 You know, there are a lot of people here about the abandonment wound and let's say you're having your own experience, but there's also ways to unconsciously project that onto your partner. 11:39 And it's important to be aware of that when you're in a relationship is really learning how to try your best to avoid projecting that onto them. 11:47 Now, none of us are perfect here. 11:50 And so when we think about this right is, is just taking the time to avoid. 11:56 So, apologies there, I got cut off because as I told you, you just moved into my parents' house and my mom's great Danes are at barking. 12:03 So what I was saying was like when you're in this place of recognizing that you are projecting your stories onto your partner and making stories about them through your lens, just take a second back just to reflect. 12:16 And you can always just pause in your relationship and say, hey, I'm so sorry, I came at it from that perspective. 12:22 I was, you know, what I realized is that when this situation, this situation tends to come up for me. 12:28 I want to also protect you from feeling that same experience. 12:32 And so you can always take a pause in that, which I think is really important. 12:37 The next lesson that I have to share with you guys is remembering that your partner is not you. 12:44 This is a lot harder than it seems. 12:46 But it's in line with the very first one. 12:49 It's, it's, it's more of recognizing, it's so easy to get into this space and that we can do this with not just our romantic partners, but we also do it with anyone in a relationship or a mirror. 13:01 We want people to think like we think we want people to do like we do, we want people to be on the same journey as we are, right? 13:09 We have this unconscious expectation that like whatever I'm going through you're going through and the truth is that is very false. 13:16 You're not, they're not going through the same experience as you, they're not perceiving an experience the same way as you. 13:23 And so it's, it's one of the big lessons here is to try your best to always get back to. 13:30 What is your partner's experience of this? 13:32 Ask them, get clarifying questions, ask what comes up for you. 13:36 What did you think about that experience? 13:38 What were your thoughts about that? 13:40 And that's going to help you understand more of how the lens that they see the world through when we're operating from this place of how I see the world. 13:49 And then it's so easy to again project that onto your partner. 13:53 And so the lesson here is remembering that you were one individual and the other individual in the relationship is having their own experience, their own perspective. 14:04 This all still falls into the next lesson is that you and your partner are on different journeys no matter how much you guys are in relationships. 14:11 So for example, is, and I've recognized this across multiple relationships. 14:16 I think that there's also OK, let's talk about the journey. 14:21 So for example, we'll use Nick and I, because we're so open and don't care, I'm in a place of building again to be on stages. 14:30 The way that I'm doing things is so different. 14:32 I also am finance doing these X Y Z things and he's doing these other X Y Z things. 14:39 And so even though we are in this journey together, he's having his own journey, his own path and he is at a different part of that path if we look at this as a timeline. 14:50 So these type side of things need to be un tangible conversations, but to make it tangible, let's look at a timeline, right, let's say the timeline is a wide range. 15:00 You're somewhere on that timeline and your partner is on another part of that timeline and just getting really clear and remembering that you guys are not always going to be on the exact part of the timeline every single time, right? 15:14 The truth is, is like they might be at timeline A and you're at timeline B or maybe they're at X and you're at Z or vice versa, you're at A and they're at C and so this gives us perspective as to, OK, so where are you at in your journey and where am I at in my journey? 15:32 The follow up lesson to this is, you know, especially if you are an individual that is creating so much more in their lives. 15:43 You are someone that is absolutely wanting to live your fullest, express self. 15:49 And you love this idea of evolution and transformation. 15:53 It's important to recognize that your partner is also evolving and also transforming and also going through growth, especially if you're in a relationship in that way. 16:04 And so what I have learned, especially in my quote unquote conscious relationship and in a relationship where we are growing significantly and growing really quickly in our own ways is that it's so important for us to learn how to meet our new selves and also meet our new partner selves in relationship. 16:25 And so look, I'm not even married and I already experienced this in my relationship and I'm witnessing it in a lot of other people's relationships. 16:33 Right? 16:34 It's that obviously, we admire growth, we admire the unraveling, we admire the layers that we want to let go of in relationship. 16:46 And I also want that for my partner, I want him to feel like he is shedding and becoming the butterfly of himself, like I'm shedding and becoming the butterfly of myself. 16:57 And so what that means is that as we, we got to learn how to readjust at every new evolution, how to resee our partners at their newest evolution at their new level, at their new way of being. 17:13 And you know, I feel like this is just going to be a constant lesson that's going to come up for us, especially as we get married, especially as we have kids, especially as we all grow old together, right? 17:23 Our likes, our dislikes can change what I thought I knew. 17:27 Nick Light could change what I, what I thought I liked can change. 17:32 And that's OK. 17:33 So as we're trying to keep up with our own change, it's important to meet our partners in that change. 17:40 And the secret little fear that can come up here is truly recognizing the fact that in that change, there could be a possibility that this person may no longer want to be in a relationship with us. 17:54 And that's the underlying fear. 17:56 But the truth is, is like, at least in my relationship as long as I am being met and he is being met and they're consciously choosing us. 18:06 This is going to be a beautiful relationship of growth. 18:09 Right. 18:10 There's going to be more to get to know each other to red date again, right? 18:14 And I think if we look at it from a place of, oh, this is going to keep the excitement, it's an opportunity for the greatest show in our relationship, right? 18:23 Like you basically have when you are in relationship with yourself and you are in a relationship with someone else. 18:30 Like not only do we have front seats to our own evolution, but we also have the front seats to our partner's evolution and then we have the front seats to our relationship as two and what a beautiful show that we get to watch that's being put up right in front of us that we get to just fall in love with over and over again and get to know over and over again. 18:54 It's like, you know, when you're dating for the first time and you're like, who is this mysterious, loving human and that you're so interested to get to know and want to dive deeper into the parts of their brain and into their heart and into their soul and see what really makes them tick. 19:10 It's like we get to do that as we also evolve in relationships and transformation. 19:16 And it could be a little stretchy. 19:18 I'm not going to lie but, and it's going to be stretchy. 19:20 Nothing. 19:21 You know, we stretch, we contract right before a massive expansion. 19:25 And so obviously, there are going to be a lot of parts of us that are going to want to hold on to the old ways of how we viewed our partner. 19:32 And the key thing is just to find the ways of loving them today, right? 19:37 And loving them a week from now in that present moment or loving them a year from now or loving them five years from now or 10 years from now, 20 years from now or 30 years from now, whatever that looks like this is learning, learning to relove them again and not make them wrong for their evolution and their change, but loving them for their evolution and their change. 20:01 Something that really another next lesson that really supports this here is it is focusing on gratitude in your relationship. 20:10 So when you're in a place of witnessing your partner, it's so our brains, I think there's some statistic that 80% of the time our brains are always going to focus on the bad, are always going to go immediately to worst case scenario because there's angst in the bad, right. 20:26 In the negativity. 20:27 It's scary. 20:28 It's like, well, I don't really feel super Satan in that. 20:32 So I'm going to hyper focus on that. 20:33 And so when you are going through tough times in your relationship or you're struggling or, you know, you are just questioning your partner because things are just up in the air. 20:45 It's so important to focus on gratitude. 20:49 It's so important. 20:50 And I, you know, you hear this all the time where like gratitude really changes everything. 20:54 But I recently experienced this maybe not recently, like six months ago, I experienced this in my relationship where we were going through a hard time and I really wanted to focus on the bad, right? 21:07 Or focus on the things that I did not receive or what was not there or what was happening. 21:12 And when I started to focus on all the good things and saw him for how he was really showing up, it reconnected me to the love that I have for him. 21:22 It helped me really see him and not only that, but in return, because I was so proud of him in all these other ways. 21:30 He also felt that and it resourced him. 21:33 And so it not only just resourced me to be able to work through the hard, but it also resourced him and to see it feel appreciated for what he was doing, not for what he was not doing. 21:44 And we always want to focus on what he is not doing because it's the one thing that we're like, well, if you fix this thing, but I'm going to feel more safe. 21:52 And the truth is, is that we have to learn how to find safety and self soothe within ourselves. 21:59 This is another lesson that's just coming up. 22:01 As I'm talking, our partners are not our responsibility to self soothe. 22:05 They are not the ones like the way that whatever they have to change in their lives is not the thing that we need to focus on to make us feel safe. 22:15 Yes, there's going to be some outlier situations. 22:18 But for the most part, we have to learn back to find our presence and our safety within ourselves first because in finding that we can then show up with clear eyes. 22:28 That's the biggest thing that I feel like when we are under fear or judgment or shame or guilt or any of the heavy emotions that you might be feeling. 22:39 Think of it as like a fog. 22:41 It fogs your perspective. 22:42 You don't get to see clearly versus when you are living in gratitude, you see things like a sunny day, right? 22:49 It's not like a foggy morning. 22:51 You can't see the house next door like you can see the house next door. 22:54 You can see the details of the house next door. 22:56 You can see the palm trees, you can see the flowers, you can see the stop sign, you can see the light and no versus like on a foggy morning. 23:04 Like sometimes it's so scary to make a right because you just can't see five steps in front of you and that's what ends up happening when we are just living in this fear and this guilt and then this shame. 23:16 The next one that I want to talk about is compromise. 23:19 Compromise is a funny, funny world. 23:23 You know, when I think of compromise as someone who has healed people pleasing tendencies, compromise was one of the words where I was like, well, when I was in ID, people pleasing tendencies, obviously, I compromised at every, at everything I was like, sure, whatever you want and compromising in my ways were like, always saying yes and always giving the other person what they need and what they wanted and completely forgot about myself. 23:45 And that's how I viewed compromise. 23:47 And then, and then I stepped into healing my people blazing tendencies, of course, and, you know, really stepped into what I want and communicating and sharing what I needed. 23:56 And then I got to this place of like, oh, I really don't like the word compromise because compromise means I have to compromise myself. 24:03 And I was in a place of, well, I need to, I need to own my reality. 24:08 I need to own my needs. 24:09 I need to do my wants, you know, whatever that was. 24:12 And so as I was going through that, you know, I realized that I now look at compromise a little bit differently and the way that I look at compromise is seeing us in relationship as what's the. 24:26 Yes and here and Yan is such a used word. 24:30 Now, I feel like every person that I meet this day, they're like everything's yes. 24:34 And I love. 24:34 Yes. 24:34 And, and, and I love. 24:35 Yes. 24:35 And too. 24:36 And I remember when I recognized that, you know, my previous perspective that I just shared with you, those are living from a mindset of either or, and the truth is I do believe in yes. 24:46 And in relationship, for example, a really good example here around compromise is, you know, it could feel like one partner is giving a lot versus the other partner is not giving a lot. 24:57 And the way that Nick and I kind of meet in that is just kind of getting a temperature check in our relationship and being like, OK, where are you at in regards to your capacity to give, to show up for me in this way and where am I at in the ability to give and the capacity that I am? 25:14 And if he has more capacity to give, then maybe in that situation, he feels confident and resourced enough to give and compromised more in the situation that we're compromising with or vice versa. 25:26 He's like, honestly, I don't have a lot to give. 25:29 I need to be supported right now. 25:31 I need to be stepped into this is, this is where I'm coming from, then I'll step in. 25:36 And so, you know, that's like the very first way that we look at it. 25:39 The other way that we look at this is also like, just from a place of what is the, yes. 25:44 And in this relationship, it's like, yes, you're feeling this way and I'm feeling this way, how do we find something that meets us both in this situation which is so important to have in relationship? 25:56 I think it's a big part of conscious relationship, right? 25:59 It's where you're talking through. 26:01 Like this is my experience is, is your experience. 26:03 How can we meet each other in our ways versus coming into the relationship? 26:07 Saying like this is what I need from you. 26:09 This is what needs to get done, et cetera versus the yes and establishes teamwork. 26:15 It establishes partnership. 26:16 It establishes an opportunity for both of you to be seen and heard and understood. 26:21 And the biggest requirement to overcoming this lesson is conversation is being open, is being curious and not pouring in your expectations into the partnership. 26:33 All right. 26:34 So I mentioned this a little bit in the relation. 26:38 The next lesson a little bit on the last episode. 26:40 But being a super intentional, I'm just going to touch it lightly is like being really intentional with intimacy because again, we are laughing and life is busy. 26:52 Let's be real. 26:53 We cannot lie. 26:53 The fact that it's busy I don't even have kids. 26:55 And some of you that are listening have Children, right? 26:58 You have Children, you have your husband, you have your job, you have your family, you have your sisters, you have yourself, you have your career, your business. 27:05 But at the end of the day, if you prioritize intimacy, you are setting some time aside. 27:10 And the truth is intentionality is everything these days I want to live and flow. 27:15 Trust me, your girl wants to surrender. 27:18 She wants to be taken off her feet. 27:19 When it comes to being intimate with my partner, I just want things to fall into place. 27:23 But, you know, unless we're regulated and really living in polarity, it's hard to feel that in a day to day. 27:30 And so really being intentional with intimacy and sex dates and setting time aside with your partner is so important, you know, and so that's just one really big lesson that I've learned in my relationship. 27:43 The other one is encouraging leadership. 27:45 So as most of you are listening or if you know, my experience, like you are probably highly ambitious and highly high achieving and I'm high achieving, I am highly ambitious. 27:59 I am a woman that loves to lead and take and have creativity. 28:06 But I also want to be held by the masculine. 28:08 I want to be loved and surrender and feel like, oh, I don't have to lead or I can just relax. 28:13 But the lesson here is encouraging leadership in our relationship. 28:18 So how can we do that? 28:19 And unless you have a man that is ps lead all the time. 28:24 Amazing. 28:25 So good. 28:26 This might not be relevant to you. 28:27 But if you are tend to find men that are not taking the lead, that do not express their needs, that do not show up in their commitment strongly. 28:38 One of the ways that I recognize energetically is that because I take the lead in a lot of situations, it takes up room for them to take up the lead. 28:47 And so I've had, I've wanted and have decided to consciously make a choice over the last year, year and a half that in moments that Nick wants to lead or he has an opinion or has a sense of direction or I even ask him like, hey, what do you think? 29:04 How can we do this or can you help me? 29:08 Like, you know, he's like, I'll take control of the flights. 29:11 All right, you go take care of control of the flights or we'll be cooking and he'll look at me, he's like I got this and instead of me stepping in to cook in the way that I want to cook, I sit back and I'm like, all right, he's got this. 29:21 And so there's this conscious choice that I am stepping back and letting him lead and encouraging his leadership and him by encouraging his leadership, he starts to feel more comfortable in his leadership. 29:34 I'm no longer energetically filling up the room in that way in our relationship. 29:39 I am stepping back and surrendering and learning how to receive. 29:43 And so that was a really big lesson that I have learned in relationship. 29:47 And I invite you all to if you find yourselves leading, if you find yourself saying things like, oh, I just want my partner to take more control just to tell me how it is to tell us where we're going to guide us. 30:00 Well, if you're always doing that, they're no, they're not going to have the opportunity to do that. 30:04 And so you've got to learn how to step back in moments where they want to step in and that's really difficult. 30:10 Sometimes in relationship, the next less setting is operate from the present. 30:14 And so in many moments where I am questioning or living in fear, I am also attaching so much to the future and the reminder here is the future hasn't even fucking happened and it's so easy to get up and get up and get in the place of, oh, well, in five years from now, he could be like this or in 10 years, things could be like this or like this can be like that. 30:38 And I want to have this kind of relationship in one year and they're not meeting me like that right now. 30:43 And the truth is we need to operate from what's happening in this present moment not trying to protect ourselves from the future. 30:50 Yes, there is this dance with holding the vision for your relationship and holding it to evolve and meet you in all the ways that you want to be met. 31:02 And it's also so important for you to operate from like, ok, what's really true right now, what is actually factually true? 31:11 And so if you ever find yourself questioning the future with your partner or knowing if this person is the one for you, sit down and write down all the ways that your partner is meeting you today, all the ways that you want to be met today, all the ways that you see your partner today, like focus on what is happening now because we had to make decisions from the now, not so much always making decisions from the future. 31:34 And now I'm not taking away from the fact of like we have to hold the vision again, we have to see what kind of life we want to create together, right? 31:42 In those conscious dates that I talked on the previous episode, right? 31:45 That's an opportunity for you guys to make sure you're aligned on your vision. 31:49 But vision is not reality, vision is future, and vision is something that we hold and we manifest and we step into and we want to operate from that place. 31:58 And we also have to come back to the reality of what's true. 32:02 And so really operating from that place of the present and taking decisions from what's happening right now between the two of you and as an individual and as him, as an individual, this is kind of one to listen. 32:17 I was going to keep this one short, but this one's listen to respond. 32:20 So in relationship, it's so easy in our lives to hear something and react, we're already, our brains are so quick, like less than seconds, you have already make a decision on what to say or how to react based off of a word, a situation. 32:36 And so the key thing is remembering to pause, remembering to listen and listen to respond is such a beautiful way to not listen to react. 32:45 And a lot of our times in relationship or just listening to react versus listening to respond to a really easy way to flesh this out in conversation is when you are talking before the person even ends talking, you're already reacting to what they're saying versus listening to respond to what they're saying. 33:02 That's a really big one is just like really taking in these moments of pop and peace in your relationship and fully listening to them and asking more questions and getting more curious instead of just reacting and saying things in the middle of their conversations. 33:19 As I look here on my list, the last one that I really want to talk about is unattached, love. 33:25 And both Nick and I have gone through this in our own ways. 33:30 But something that I've realized in relationship, especially into relationship or newer in my relationship because I did not have good relationship boundaries before or like, I didn't trust myself. 33:41 I kind of just stayed in relationships. 33:43 Something that I had to work through in my own relationship today is like, I've gone to a really good place where I trust myself fully and I trust Nick Foley to choose us, to choose me and to choose that. 33:56 And the way that I got there was knowing that Nick is not choosing me because he feels like he has to stay with me because he's had a relationship for a year or because eventually we're married or because we have kids. 34:08 Like I've also gotten really clear with myself in the place of like, OK, so I fully trust that if the relationship or is no longer meeting me or something has changed or I'm no longer fulfilled or whatever, I do trust myself to leave the relationship because I have gotten to a place of fully grieving. 34:27 The fact that if I lose Nick, that's ok. 34:31 I personally have gotten to this place where I want to be in a relationship where both of us are consciously choosing each other every step of the way that we're meeting each other. 34:41 And of course, every single lesson I shared with you today is going to help us in doing that. 34:46 However, if something crazy happens, something unexpected or something chaotic happens in the future where him and I are no longer meeting each other. 34:55 Then I do trust myself to leave. 34:57 And Nick had to too, Nick had to go through this process because there was this internal fear where both of us did not trust that we would. 35:05 And so by not, we had to work through that block of like, OK, so what part of me does not trust that I would leave? 35:12 And I worked through that. 35:14 And so really learning to be loved and allow myself to be loved without being fully attached to how love looks like. 35:25 And coming from a place of love. 35:26 You know, at the end of the day, love is the ultimate, I think medicine that we need as individuals and that we need a relationship. 35:35 And as we can see what is the most loving thing that I can do to love you in this moment as well as what is the most loving thing that I can do to love myself in this moment. 35:44 It really does create this unattached love. 35:47 It's not like I'm loving you because I want to receive your back, your love back. 35:51 It's like I'm just loving you. 35:53 I love you. 35:54 That's it. 35:54 I'm not loving you. 35:55 So you love me more. 35:56 I'm not loving you. 35:57 So you give me something. 35:58 I'm not loving you because of this. 36:00 It's like I love you and that's it. 36:02 Whether I receive these things or I don't receive these things. 36:05 That's the ultimate I think lesson that I've learned in relationship. 36:09 And I'm sure I'm going to learn so much more. 36:11 You know, I'm going to be getting married soon and all these things. 36:14 So, thank you so much for listening today to my top 10 plus lessons. 36:19 They were weaved through there. 36:21 But I try to give you a really beautiful structure with a lot of flow and surrender into my podcast episode. 36:27 And I would absolutely love if you share this with anyone that is in relationship, creating relationship. 36:33 Because you know, these lessons, I feel like we have to listen to over and over again. 36:39 All of those lessons kind of met me at different times. 36:42 It wasn't something that I knew was going to happen at a certain time of my journey. 36:48 You know, and I feel like I'm going to continue to learn those lessons in different ways. 36:51 That's the beautiful thing about lessons is that we learn about them in one perspective, we learn about them in one way and then we get to relearn them again until we fully learn the lesson. 37:00 And so yeah, feel free to share this. 37:03 I'm happy to conclude the month of July. 37:05 I can't believe there was five Wednesdays in July. 37:08 So you guys got an extra episode this month, August is going to be a little bit more free flow in. 37:13 So we expect next week to be super sweet. 37:16 We're going to be talking all about your fullest express self through dance and what does that look like? 37:21 And then inviting some friends on to the podcast that are super close to me. 37:25 So keep your eye out and I look forward to hearing from you and your feedback and I just love you guys so much and thank you so much for listening every single week. 37:33 It truly means the world again. 37:35 This is your show. 37:36 So whatever I can do to meet you in, that would be amazing. 37:39 Have the best week ever and we'll talk soon.