Full Transcript
0:00
Welcome to the fully expressed podcast with Karenna.
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I am your podcast host, Karenna Soto and on this podcast and on this show, we have conversations that are here to invite you into living your life fully expressed into creating a life where you have relationships where you feel so embodied and safe to fully express yourself and to really create a business and a career where you feel so expressed in your essence and who you are and who you were meant to be in this world.
0:32
So this podcast is entirely meant to be a full invitation to show you what is actually possible and what’s available to you.
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So today, I’m going to get a little raw and vulnerable with you.
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We’re going to have a little solo session with me.
0:49
I’m gonna give you some light into the season that I have been in the last couple of months, honestly, in the last year.
0:55
And I’ve sprinkled this a little bit throughout the podcast and I thought it was a good time to come up here and talk about it because in the last two episodes that we had this month, the very first one was very much about, you know, diving into what does it actually mean to be confidently expressive in your body.
1:11
And in that episode with Ali Sepic, we really dove into kind of digging deeper into the layers, like really understand the roots of where all that is coming from.
1:20
And then in the most previous episode with Carry Montgomery, one of my dearest friends who is serious, so elegant in who she is.
1:28
And she just brings so much wisdom that we talked all about nervous system regulation and how to show up and what it feels like to attract a life to be in body, to express yourself from a regulated state in those two episodes.
1:43
Like there were so many night drops that I got goosebumps.
1:46
So if you haven’t had the opportunity to go back and listen to those I highly recommend and then you go back and listen to those because they were just so good and so valuable.
1:54
And today I want to share with you what, what my season has been in and truly almost in a stretching season.
2:01
And I have found myself in a stretching season every single time, like stretching my nervous system expanding myself because I know that I’m here to be an expander.
2:10
I know that I’m here to not only be an expander for other people, be an invitation, but for me to learn how to be expanding and like what that actually looks like.
2:19
And so back up just a little bit for context.
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If you’re new here, 2023 was the year of really, really challenging a lot of my roles, you know, the titles, the positions, the roles that I’ve stepped to into my life personally and professionally and even more professionally.
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Right.
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So, and where I landed and all of that, I was so craving to rid of these fucking labels to be frank.
2:49
I was like, why can’t I just be me?
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Like, why can’t I just be MS soto and what I realized what I was craving is like, I had lived a lot of my world coming from this place of, oh I’m a salesperson.
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Oh I’m in tech.
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Oh I’m a woman in business.
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Oh I’m a coach.
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I’m a woman’s mentor and I started to challenge every single character or quality that I have stepped into when I’m doing those things all the way down to who I am when I’m a sister, who am I when I’m a girlfriend, who am I when I’m a partner, who am I when I’m a friend who am I stepping into when I’m a best friend, we take on these titles and these labels all day long.
3:30
And I got very, very curious with my experience in those and how I ended up getting into those experiences and in doing so I found myself just craving to be fucking me, to crave to be like, why, how is this supporting who I feel called to be.
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What is my deepest expression of self?
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How do I want to express myself?
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What feels good one makes me feel alive in that.
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And I landed on, oh my God.
4:00
I’ve always wanted a podcast that I’ve talked about that for years and I’ve always wanted to be a speaker.
4:07
And so I decided, and I chose to honestly say my coaching business, how I show up in that space is no longer serving the version of me that I want to step into and that comes with a lot of shit you guys.
4:23
And the biggest one is the financial pivot the identities that I’m shifting from.
4:30
I mean, today, I want to focus on a little bit more of how my nervous system is adjusting and reacting to this and how it’s showing up in the other ways.
4:40
So when I decided to leave my coaching business behind, it was, it was like a fuck.
4:46
Yeah, for sure.
4:47
Like it was a full body.
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Yes.
4:49
And I knew it even when parts of me were like, oh but Karenna, this is how people know you, this is how you know, this is how you do.
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This is how you show up.
4:58
These are the kinds of containers, this is how someone works with you.
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And also even parts of me that were like, oh but I’ve seen solely amazing women transform like I’ve been a part of that process.
5:09
It’s such an incredible experience to witness someone fucking grow.
5:14
It is literally like every single time I saw a client testimonial or a client told me what progress they’ve made or where they’ve been like, I would get chills in my eyes and tears like I literally feel the tears coming down highers because every client that I’ve ever worked with is not just a client, was not just a client to me, it’s I’m literally emotionally invested, which is kind of even more like as a mentor because I truly believe and want the most for every freaking person that I come across.
5:44
And I also want to hold a vision of what’s available to them.
5:47
But I’ve realized that I don’t necessarily have the same capacity in a one on one Kate detainer that I wanna make on a, on a bigger impact.
5:54
And so speaking was calling to me and ever to be honest, not gonna lie.
6:01
Years ago, 10 plus years ago when I was sitting in the car with my best friend and she asked me, she’s like, what do you want to do with your life?
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And the answer I had is like, all I want to do is inspire.
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I want to be one of those motivational speakers.
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I want to be able to share wisdom.
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I just want to make an impact on a really big level and be on these stages.
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And so funny enough, it’s just a part of her journeys that’s where her Britney wanted to start.
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I had a coach for four or five years.
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I needed to learn life.
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I needed to go through the certification programs that I’ve been on.
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I needed to create so much wisdom that I wanted to have something to share.
6:33
Now, challenging me then I could have probably started there to be honest.
6:37
Like, I don’t know why I did it, but I knew that the way that I did it and the way that I’m coming to now is exactly what I needed because I’m in a much deeper version of me than I’ve ever been.
6:48
And so making these big decisions to shift your identity to expand into their versions of you into becoming more fully expressed version of yourself is going to be hard.
7:01
You do end up letting go of old versions of you old identities of you and also how people relate to you in general.
7:11
Like I’m going through so much massive shifts in my life.
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Like I feel like layers, not just the layers in my life, but the way that I look at life, the relationships I have in my life are starting to peel away.
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Like there’s these things that are happening as I’m stepping into this new identity of myself and I’m sharing this with you because one if you’re in this season or also want you to know what’s fucking real.
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And so jumping in here to remind you that we do have an online virtual community called the fully expressed Community for women.
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If you are craving to have these conversations to see, talk more about in detail, what it actually means to live a life fully expressed, to have access to other women that are also wanting to opt their lives, wanting to be regulated and wanting to fully express themselves in their relationships and their business and just in life and attract those kinds of opportunities.
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I want to invite you into the fully expressed community where we meet every second Wednesday of every single month, we’re only $27 a month.
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So go check it out.
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Send me ad m if you’re interested and I’ll get you right in there.
8:23
So talking outside of, you know, what my external world is going on, you know, something that has been really deep in my season and my presence this last month has been this financial pressure that I have felt in my life three times.
8:39
The first time, I felt deep financial pressure to the point that I’m on my knees crying asking why do I feel this?
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Why?
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Why does it have to be this hard?
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Was one time in college with one of my really good friends at the time, Sarah, I went into her room and I just started bawling and crying because I was working three jobs.
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I was the social chair of my sorority.
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I was trying to do school.
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I was trying to keep up.
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I mean, I was waking up the crack.
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They are good da as a server and I was paying my rent for school.
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I was paying my light for school and my family was going through a lot of big changes.
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It was big except my parents were going through a separation.
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By the way, they’re doing so much better.
9:24
They, they’re so much love so they’re back together.
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But during that season, financial finances were really fucking hard for me and I just broke down.
9:32
I was like, why, why me, why does this have to feel so suffocating and it truly felt suffocating.
9:38
And then fast forward to the next time in my life, which I’ve been blessed the rest of my life to feel pretty good financially.
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Always in this place of like, oh, I know I can figure it out.
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More money is going to come in.
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I’m not scared of making more money making money is my jam.
9:53
Like in a way, like not to say that I’m making a total lot of funny.
9:57
But there was this easiness in my energy, there was this confidence in my energy.
10:01
Fast forward to a year ago, my partner Nick Paleta, which most of you guys know, he, we’re going to end up coming on the podcast, actually talk about this in full depth.
10:12
He got diagnosed with PTSD and he was also let go from his job that he was making at the time.
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And you know, could Coretta me that can take on all the pressure like jumped in and was like, babe, don’t worry, I’ve got this however much time you need.
10:30
We got to figure out what’s going on with your mental health.
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I try to take on all the weight, the financial pressure that we were feeling at the time.
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And of course, there’s so many parts of me that wanted to create this ease for him because in full transparency, I’m like, now that I’ve learned so much about the nervous system, now that I’ve learned so much about mental health.
10:50
Now that I’ve learned so much about just pity.
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I knew that he needed a breather, like especially where he was at.
10:56
He was not just navigating his mental health, he was navigating, burn out.
11:00
He was navigating all these things that he had gone through as an entrepreneur.
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It’s, it’s so difficult to do entrepreneurship.
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You guys have no idea how difficult it is.
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It’s a very triggering passion and in a lot of ways it does.
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So there’s so much inner work and literally like if you want to exude in your business, if you want to dive into deep in your work, run your business, do your things because you’re, you’re constantly navigating all these triggers that come up for you and you’re being asked to continue to show up, not just for your own passions, but also just to be able to live and thrive in this world in this corporate system of how we do things.
11:39
And so come a few months later, after financially supporting us for a little bit, felt that overwhelm again, I felt back to this place of almost like it felt like a deep depression.
11:52
It felt like every negative thought just kept coming through my mind of like, I’m not capable of doing this.
11:59
I can’t do this.
12:01
Like I’m someone that for the most part thinks very positively and very optimistic and always sees the opportunity and truly believes in figuring out.
12:10
But at this point, I felt like I was suffocating again and I felt like I started just to kind of review everything that I’ve done in the past so long that I was like, did I miss something?
12:21
Did I mess up somewhere?
12:23
So there was this pressure that I was putting on myself and I finally broke down the nick in the car and I sat with him and I was like, I can’t hold all this financial pressure anymore and where I started to hold this financial pressure one for me, what was the most healing thing at that point was being able to admit that I can’t do it all on my own that I don’t want to do it all on my own and that I need his help.
12:48
And I asked him for that and I told them that and so he decided to go out and get a job.
12:53
And I was like, and not that he was bringing in so much into our financial home to how things were going.
12:59
But like, I felt like this was an all on me, which is the second time that I have felt to this extreme financial pressure.
13:07
And the key signs for me when I know that my nervous system is too stretched out, is that too much capacity is when I lose this confidence in myself, it’s when, when I forget everything that I’ve accomplished, when I can’t see who I am or what I want.
13:28
And I, I just, I’m stuck in this like negative self talk spirals and gratefully and graciously, I’m so proud of all of the certifications.
13:39
I’ve invested in every program that I’ve ever done because I was able to witness them myself in this second season of overwhelm in a completely different light.
13:49
I was able to say, holy cow, ok.
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I know these thoughts are coming through my mind.
13:54
This is not me, what the hell is going on.
13:57
I got super curious and in that moment, just the fact that I was able to vent and say I can’t do this was exactly what the parts of me needed because I got really curious with me and I was like, what do I need in this moment?
14:12
And what I really needed was the reassurance that I wasn’t going to do this all on my own.
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But I had a pattern of always doing it on my own.
14:19
And so just by letting Nick in by just by saying like I can’t do this all I can’t hold all this financial pressure, I immediately felt really, oh my gosh, and just speaking it out loud and being honest about where I was at and completely being unattached to that experience, I realized, wow, this is all I needed.
14:40
I needed to express what was actually happening in my experience and ask for what I needed and wanted.
14:45
Beautiful.
14:46
So we moved through that season together so beautifully, so comfortably, most of 2023 I was in this like, I’m gonna be ok and being in that, I’m going to be ok, energy, trusting, and surrendering energy.
15:01
I felt so much ease and flow and things just felt easy.
15:06
And I knew that I totally knew that so fast track to just about a month ago.
15:13
even dishonestly going through it this month.
15:15
Currently, I found myself in this season again of financial pressure and overwhelm and second guessing myself.
15:24
And you know what I want to bring up about what has come up for me now, is that right now since I’ve made this transition?
15:33
And this pivot the second source of income that I was making, that was super supportive to my life and my lifestyle is no longer coming in because of coaching.
15:42
And as I step into creating this professional speaking business.
15:47
I, I’m starting fresh.
15:49
You know, I’ve been paid for speaking in events before, but right now I’m re leveraging my network, I’m re leveraging my relationships.
15:57
I’m starting fresh and building from the bottom up in a lot of ways.
16:00
And so the financial income that I had coming in before from coaching is no longer there and finally hit me with this chunk of money or this amount of money that was coming in was no longer there.
16:14
So there’s this emptiness and this fear just came running right through where it knew it could and basically saying you’re not making enough money, you guys aren’t going to survive.
16:26
How are you going to do this?
16:28
You’re not capable, just focus on making more money and don’t go after what you need or what?
16:33
You don’t go after the speaking business.
16:36
I started to challenge again.
16:38
Every single reason why I’m deciding to go through living this life fully expressed, right?
16:45
Going through the versions of me that are fully expressed and I started challenging and being like, is it wrong?
16:50
Is it wrong timing?
16:52
Why am I doing this?
16:53
Like I literally have tears coming up at you guys in my eyes because I’m still processing a lot of the emotions that came from it.
16:59
But I hit a low low again most recently and tears crying like literally, I felt like every morning, I had these like silver dollar pancakes swelling on my eyeballs just because I was releasing so much of this fear and overwhelmed that it is just like stuck within me and this like internal belief that like that just keeps coming up.
17:22
And so I released it all and I had an emotional hangover for a few days afterwards, right?
17:29
So I knew that I needed to release all of that.
17:31
I knew I needed to be gentle with my body.
17:33
And what’s been the most challenging in those seasons is keeping my eye on the vision, keeping my eye on why I’m doing this.
17:42
And I also know energetically and in when it comes to expanding my nervous system, expanding my vision that these kinds of things tend to happen.
17:54
So every single time I step into these bigger versions of myself, a lot of things start crashing down.
18:00
It feels like internally for me because things start to get uncomfortable, things start to get different.
18:05
And so knowing this and not just that like the world and God and the universe is also taking away and has been removing people in my life that no longer support this vision and, and this version of me and this standard that I’m stepping into like truly the things that I’m embodying and in in the middle of navigating all this financial stress and pressure, I’ve had friendships start to step away and there’s no nothing wrong with that, right.
18:36
We do naturally separate and grow, but that doesn’t take away from some of the pain and the grieving process stepping into this version of me.
18:44
And so I say this all because I feel like I’ve been warming up for this experience.
18:50
So 20 starting month of November, going into December, we started having a lot of conversations with what this year was going to look like financially, for us, our visions, what we inspired to do.
19:02
And so I already felt this building.
19:05
I felt this like, OK, CRE you’re about to step on to state, basically, you’re about to be publicly viewed.
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Who do you need to be in order to do that?
19:13
And I feel like all these experiences are giving me the opportunity to stretch my nervous system enough to where I have to gain capacity to be at this new level of me.
19:26
And I’m in this process right now of releasing all the different versions and limiting beliefs of me that no longer sit with that person that I’m stepping into and I’m sharing this with you because this is the most important part, what I’m so grateful for through all the work that I’ve ever done through all the healing and all the challenges and our heartbreak and everything that I’ve ever faced.
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One, I remind myself that it’s important to express those experiences.
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I ain’t here to stuff that down, suppress it no more.
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I’m here to be with that shit because I know that if I, if I’m able to release faster its not gonna catch up to me later.
20:05
If anything I’m gonna release and move forward, its actually the most productive thing that we can do.
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And ironically as people, we tend to suck at doing that, we do ourselves such a disservice by suppressing our emotions by not being with what’s actually fucking happening because it catches up to us later.
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And the way that it catches up to us later, kind of like the snowball effect.
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It starts really, really small and then all of a sudden it builds, it builds to the point that it’s like an avalanche and that takes us out so much more than we actually think internally.
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And so I say this.
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So the biggest thing is I’ve been present with what is I’ve been truly allowing myself to express to the extent that every emotion wants to express itself.
20:48
I’ve been unattached but fully expressing every story that is coming up for me, every negative thought I’m not necessarily holding on to those thoughts of those negative stories or those limiting beliefs as true.
21:03
I’m witnessing the fact that they’re coming up for me right now and also practicing dabbling into and holding space into this bigger vision that I’m manifesting.
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And what I’m so grateful for is like is being with both because this vision that I have for myself, who I envisioned myself becoming in this new season of life and this new stage of life and this new level that I’m stepping into is the level of being able to hold that even more, having the capacity to be with the heart and be with the really fucking good be with who I am today and where I want to go because when we start to separate the two, right?
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Only focusing on one or the other one or the other ends up getting left behind and starts knocking at our door like hello, you forgot about me and I ain’t trying to do that.
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But in doing this, I have also learned the power of discernment.
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So knowing what is my capacity to feel every emotion, every negative self thought without allowing it to become a story that is concrete and attached to my current self worth.
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And also no, when dreaming too much and acting like whatever’s happening isn’t true is not going to serve me either.
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And so there is this beautiful dance that you get to learn as you do life.
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But for this episode and for this show that I so badly want you to listen to and hear from me is that when you are in these seasons of transition into leveling up into basically quantum leaping, however, you want to use it and stepping into other versions of yourself, there are going to these parts of you that are going to come up too, that are asking to be witness, seen and held throughout the experience because they’re like, whoa whoa, whoa Kenna, you’re trying to go in this direction.
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I don’t know if I’m ready yet.
23:00
I don’t know if I can do that.
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I don’t know if I can hold that much that you’re asking for.
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And I’m like, OK, I hear you.
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What do you need?
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How can I love you and support you and make sure and remind you that you are capable of stepping into the version that I’m taking us to.
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And I say that so that you hear clearly that one, this is real.
23:23
This is the most raw notable episode.
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This is how it really is.
23:28
I am not saying that this is sugar coated, but I do know that the power and the capacity to meet your nervous system in that and get ready for the new versions of you is so important with every level up because what a lot of us do is that we run so fast, so quick we hit, burn out our system.
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Doesn’t our nervous system can’t keep up with that version of ourselves with that much things, we self sabotage and things come coming down and so truly taking our nervous system to meet us with every level that we want to step into is such a freaking gift.
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And so how do you actually do that?
24:09
Well, you can actually feel that right?
24:11
If you listen to Carrie Montgomery’s episode, I really highly recommend going to that past episode and not just that, but listening specifically to the parts of our energetic aura.
24:23
What that actually looks like, what that actually feels like because you know, when it comes to the nervous system, you are you, when you start to pay attention to your body and the body awareness that you have in moments of contraction, we feel smaller, big moments of expansion and bigger, we feel bigger.
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And there’s this energy, this big mess, this available to us.
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And when you step into that magic comes.
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And so this experience I’m having with pivoting and transitioning and expanding my nervous system, I’m meeting my edge.
24:54
So I create more room to expand in it, to even hold bigger, to be bigger, to do those things.
25:01
And so I really wanted to share that with you.
25:04
And I hope you see that every version of me, for example, that I’m stepping into, I practicing these tools every single day, which is why a lot of this podcast is about that, you know, becoming very comfortable in being with your emotions, expressing every part of yourself regulating your nervous system.
25:26
Because these things you’re kind of put on repeat, you’re going to express, you’re going to expand, you’re going to stretch and integrate.
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That’s it.
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That is what we do for the woman that wants to live a life.
25:38
Will they express for the woman that wants to have relationships that is so expressive and expansive where you feel so untapped, right?
25:48
These kinds of things every single time you come up against a trigger, every single time you come up against a challenge, every single time you come up against something that wants to keep you where you’re at and not evolving through it.
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You’re going to practice these steps.
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And so I really hope that you found this episode helpful if you or your friends or someone is going through this exact thing right now, where you find yourself really wanting to step into this other version, you into this latest and greatest version of you fully expressed in your freaking lives.
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Whatever that is, please share this with your friends.
26:30
Please share this with those people that are connected to you and let me know what this episode means to you.
26:36
Truly like.
26:37
I would love to hear from you.
26:39
You could send me DM at I am Crea Soto.
26:42
So I can actually hear from you.
26:44
I want to make sure that these are hitting home.
26:46
And most importantly, you are craving to be in a space with other women that are also wanting to learn these tools to live regulated, to live a life fully expressed from that place and create a life that is absolutely incredible and expansive.
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Come join the community that I have.
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It’s called the fully expressed community.
27:06
You can send me ad M and I in creno soto if you’re interested in learning more and we’ll talk.
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But with that being said, I’ll see you on the next episode I’m sending you so much love.
27:16
I love you and have a great fucking day.
